What is integrity to you?
When Sally (name changed) first came to see me, she said that her relationship with her life partner had deteriorated to such an extent that she had jumped the fence and committed adultery.
Sally felt horrible about what she had done. She said that adultery felt yucky to her and that she did not want to put herself in that situation again. And that was the reason why she was coming to see me.
Through my talking with her, I found out that Sally’s relationship with her life partner had been deteriorating for years.
For example, when the young woman wanted to talk to her life partner about their relationship, that person either got angry saying it was all her fault, or they went to the other extreme and blamed themselves for everything.
To cope with her couple’s volatility, Sally revealed that she kept swinging between giving her life partner the cold shoulder and trying to soothe their bad moods.
Perhaps worst of all, the couple had children who kept witnessing their parents’ behaviours in action.
Is integrity openly owning our past results?
Of her own accord, Sally acknowledged that her adultery act reflected poorly on her better judgment.
She affirmed that it had never been her intent to betray her life partner, her children, herself.
In the eyes of many, Sally was viewed as a terrific mother who read bedtime stories to her children and devoted time, money, and efforts to uplift many local organizations.
Taking a deep breath, the young woman asked me, “How do I fix this mess?” She was prepared to openly own her past results.
Is being integral knowing what we stand for and why?
I asked Sally what integrity meant to her. Sally paused a moment, shrugged her shoulders, then answered, “I don’t know.”
I smiled and told her she had just showed integrity.
Puzzled, the young woman replied, “I don’t understand.” She was prepared to know what she stands for and why.
Is integrity doing as we say?
Asked if she believed adultery can save a marriage, Sally adamantly answered no. To her, committing adultery is non-integral with what she considers a healthy marriage.
Then asked if she believed bickering in front of children can build a happy family, Sally adamantly answered no. To her, bickering in front of her kids is non-integral with her beliefs about raising a happy family.
I could certainly relate to Sally. I used to hide my past results from myself and others because I did not know what integrity meant to me and why.
Like a judge, I was quick to point to others their lack of integrity but was slow to look in my own mirror.
As a result, my children kept witnessing my lack of integrity until, one day, fed up, they called me on my b.s. and I sought the help of an EQ mentor.
Like Sally, cheating myself and others is no longer an option.
With that in mind …
Here are some rock solid tips to assist you to raise children with integrity:
Know thyself. Spend time by yourself figuring yourself out, specifically what you want and what you need, beyond the influence of others.
Honour all feelings and emotions. Allow yourself to safely feel what you need to feel. Our feelings and emotions are here to tell us when something feels right or wrong for us. At the same time, honour the feelings and emotions of others. They need to figure themselves out too!
Manage your feelings and emotions effectively. Ask yourself, ‘What do I need right now?’ and give it to yourself. Align your actions with your core beliefs (your why).
Have an accountability system/person in place. Though many of us say we know what is the right thing to do, how many of us are truly open to own our past results and use them as a stepping stone to become highly integral people? I believe we become more conscious of our words and actions when another person holds us accountable for what we think, feel, say, and do.
Now imagine somebody has just read these tips…
What do you believe will be their greatest challenge?
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am the financial emotional intelligence coach who assists her clients in acting with integrity in all areas of their lives, including money and finances. You can book a 20-minute complimentary session with me at https;//walkinginside.com/contact-us