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HOW TO FIND OUR VOICE AND INSPIRE OTHERS

“Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs.” ~ Stephen Covey

I remember this story about a nightingale who was the most beautiful and sought-after bird in the whole kingdom. Its voice was so melodious that fishermen and maids stopped whatever they were doing and listened intently to the nightingale’s song.

One day, the kingdom’s emperor hears about the nightingale, and he becomes incensed at knowing that a simple bird can usurp him with its amazing voice.

Stung in his pride, he asks his first lord to go and fetch the bird so he can see for himself what is it about its voice that is so special.

The first lord fearfully scourges the land wide to find the nightingale himself, for the Emperor threatens to have him trampled to death if he fails. At last, he finds the bird deep in the forest, ad he tells the nightingale that the emperor is requesting its presence.

The nightingale agrees, and shows up at court.

The emperor sheds moving tears upon hearing the bird’s singing voice; this gesture greatly touches the nightingale’s heart.

Wanting to hear the bird sing some more for himself, the emperor builds him a golden cage and gives him servants. Servants attach the bird’s left leg to them as they care for him.

One day, the emperor receives a present. It is a mechanical nightingale adorned with diamonds and sparkling jewels. The mechanical bird pleases him greatly, for it seems to sing perfectly every note at the emperor’s wimp.

Feeling the emperor’s attention drawn elsewhere, the nightingale sees his chance to be free once again and he returns to live in the forest.

Some time later, the mechanical nightingale breaks down. Sad and depressed, the emperor becomes greatly ill.

On his death bed, he remembers the nightingale who once soothed his aching heart. Crying, he prays for its return with all his heart. The nightingale hears his plea and comes in the middle of the night, sitting on a branch outside his bedroom window.

The emperor is so grateful to hear the bird’s voice again that he asks the nightingale to never leave his side again.

The nightingale agrees on one condition: being free. In return, it will visit with the emperor and sing its love song.

Let me ask you,

What do you believe is the nightingale’s story about?

I’d like to offer you the following suggestion:

What if the nightingale represents our inner child?

If that’s the case,

Who or what does the emperor represent? 

I believe the emperor represents our ego, that thing that tries to cage everything beautiful in and around us.

Here are three tips to find your inner voice and inspire others:

 

  • Let go of the desire to please others. The first lord is deeply afraid to displease the emperor. People pleasers are like first lords who are afraid of rejection. Seek your own approval beyond the emperor called ego.

 

  • Let go of comparison. The only thing that compares is the ego. We are beyond that.

 

  • Embrace gratitude. The emperor feels solace in the companionship of the nightingale and the hearing of its melodious song. Our inner child offers us solace if we are willing to allow ourselves to hear its love song. In this place of solace, it then becomes easy to inspire others.

I trust you have found value in this article.

My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Authentic Speaker, and Storyteller who assist her clients in finding their inner voice and inspire others. I can be reached at https://walkinginside.com/contact-us/

Your EQ coach,
Anne
https://walkinginside.com/products
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THREE WAYS IGNORING YOUR CREATIVITY IS BLOCKING YOUR DREAM JOB

When Joy* came to see me, she was dressed in black from head to toe, not because she found that colour trendy, but because, as she said, she thought it camouflaged her body fat. Looking at the ground as she said these words, she retreated deeply into her seat. This behaviour of hers told me a lot about Joy, how her life seemed to lack the vibrant colours of creativity. 
 
Through my talking with her, I found out she did not like her job and wanted a new position because she felt unseen and unheard by upper management. When she wrote her boss yet another memo about an ongoing problem in her division, she claimed her words landed on deaf ears. Ever been in that situation?
 
When I asked her if she had provided her boss with a viable solution to this ongoing problem, she quietly said no, then blurted out there was no point doing so because management apparently ‘never’ listens anyway.
 
 

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew the problem,

but had no solution?

 
After her work shift, Joy confessed she went home feeling grumpy and exhausted. At night, she ate her dinner in her lap and flipped through Netflix programs to see what she would be watching for the next 2-3 hours. She went to bed at about the same time every night and slept on the same side on her bed every day. When she woke up the next morning, Joy said she repeated those behaviours “pretty much the same”.
 

Can you imagine what it feels like to be stuck in a routine that blocks creativity?

 
Joy was fed up with her current job and wanted a new position. She wanted a better job with better pay. Laughing, she said she wanted to become part of upper management so she could change the ways things were done in her division. This is why Joy was coming to see me, to assist her in landing her dream job position.
 
I asked…
 

“What would it feel like to have a solution to all your problems?”

 
At first, Joy thought I was joking with her, but when she saw I was being serious, her eyes lit up, she leaned forward, and she told me how she and her co-workers would stop stressing out and getting exhausted, especially when they were low on staff and clients kept walking in.
 

“Where do you believe the root of the problem is?”

 
Joy stopped talking and looked at me. Though she was tempted to say “management” (as she confessed later), she was also starting to realize she was the one complaining about an ongoing problem while offering zero viable solution to solve it. She quietly answered, “Me.”
 
That day, I sent Joy with simple homework to do. She was to eat her dinner at the dinner table. She was to write a short paragraph about her life, storytelling style, with an anecdote and lots of feeling. She was also to switch her sleeping position head to feet and to show up in more vibrant colours the next time I was seeing her.
 

What do you believe happens when we keep ignoring our creativity?

 
At our next coaching session, Joy told me how weird it felt at first sleeping ‘upside down’ but she was now liking it. She said she can now see the moon outside her bedroom window and it is lovely. She then showed me her paragraph that she had rewritten over and over. Her smile left as she blurted ‘but it’s not perfect’. As for her clothes, she was still wearing black from head to toe.
 
Like so many, Joy was fighting her own habits, habits that were familiar to her and also kept blocking her creativity from flowing. It is any wonder she had a hard time coming up with a viable, creative solutions?
 
Through further coaching with me, Joy realized she was the solution to all her problems.
 
 
Let me ask you…
 

Why do we become non-creative?

Why do we pursue crushing routine over flowing creativity?

 
I believe the answer is, because we think it will be better.
 
Is it though? How was Joy living her life geared to constant routine ever going to advance her dream of finding creative solutions to all her problems?
 
Clearly, pursuing routine over creativity does Not work.
 
With this in mind…
 

How do things become better?

 

I believe, things become better when we focus on 

  • becoming aware of our potential. I am the solution to all my problems.

  • becoming flexible in thinking and behaviours. ‘What can I do right now to bring forth my creativity?’

  • becoming accountable for our actions. ‘How can I ensure I keep fostering my creativity and the one of others?”

 
I could certainly relate to Joy. I used to let routine rule my life and kill my creativity until I learned to embody that I am the solution to all my problems. As a result,  I changed my way of thinking and doing things and became highly accountable for all my choices.
 

Here are some rock solid tips to assist you who want to access your creativity to land your dream job:

 

  • Use mathematical precision in your creativity. A ‘love’ for constant routine is usually associated with being risk-averse. Since being creative is about being willing to take risks, incorporate mathematical like precision in your creative solutions to feel safe. For example, Joy incorporated supporting statistics as to why her division had to change their way of doing business. Seeing these stats motivated her even further to come up with a viable solution to her ongoing problem at work.

  • Get out of your own way. Play the 30 squares game. Draw 30 squares and in each square write a solution to a specific problem. Before long, you might ‘run out’ of ‘logical’ ideas and start writing down ‘crazy’ solutions. Before you know it, you are out of your way as you allow viable solutions to present themselves more naturally.

  • Have an accountability system/person in place. Though many of us say we want to become more creative, the thing is, creativity seems to scare the shit out of many. Therefore, having someone holding us accountable for our displayed level of creativity is crucial to keep us going towards our dream job.

 
Now imagine somebody has just read these tips…
 

What do you believe will be their greatest challenge?

 
Before she came to see me, Joy had all the best intentions in the world, but she lacked a solid accountability system. This is why as soon as she felt challenged in her routine habits, she familiarly went back to wearing only black.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who holds her clients highly accountable so they get to put their actions where their mouth is, and like Joy, get to implement their creative solutions. Joy is now forming a consultancy company.
 
For coaching inquiries, reach out to me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
Your Emotional Intelligence Coach,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

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WHY STATUS QUO KILLS HAPPINESS AND WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

 
 
It was our last coaching session in our eight sessions contract and I asked Carmen* if she wanted to renew. Carmen, who had been a client of mine on and off for a while, smiled and said, “No, I’m good now! As long as I keep doing what I’m doing … I mean… I do have a lifetime to work on myself… I’m fine.”  Carmen is a professional in her early thirties.
 
To perhaps convince herself of her words, she made a ‘mmm’ sound with tight lips while nodding her head furiously up and down. I wished her well and let her go. About three weeks later, I received a frantic message from her. She was requesting a coaching session as soon as possible.
 
The day we met, I asked Carmen, “How are you?”, and with a ‘brave’ smile, she answered, “I’m fine!” My face must have clearly said I did Not believe her because she asked in a small voice, “Can I please have a hug?” As I hugged her, she let go, a hot mess of tears and hiccups.
 
I asked her to take a seat. I opened directly, “You said you were good now despite my cautioning you at the time that more internal work was needed into your relationship with your self, sibling, mother, husband… So what happened?”
 
Carmen wailed,
 

“I thought I was happy, but then I kept being unhappy.”

“I’m tired of being unhappy. I just want to be happy!”

 
Through my talking with her, I found out that Carmen had rescued once again her sibling who was again in trouble with the law. She said she had also allowed her mother to blackmail her financially one more time by playing the ‘You owe me, child’ card. But perhaps, worst of all, she confessed was now taking her emotional stress onto her husband by yelling at him or giving him the silent treatment, her apparently passive-aggressive weapon of choice.
 
 

Have you ever been in a situation where you did Not like how you were behaving?

 
 
Carmen felt ashamed of her seeming continued inability to compassionately stand up for herself with family members and, because of it, was often crying herself to sleep of late, becoming more and more emotionally exhausted.
 
 

Can you imagine what it feels like to be unhappy? 

 
 
Carmen said she did not want to lose her marriage, that she had to change for good, and this is why she was coming to see me. Wanting to empower her, I told her she would be placed on a six months coaching wait list (she could not reapply to work with me before that) should she stop being committed to her personal growth. She agreed.
 
I asked…
 

What is it that you want most in your life?

 
Carmen’s face lit up! She talked about now wanting more than ever to commit to her inner child, she said she wanted a deep relationship with her self, so she could finally be happy away from all the drama in her family.
 
When I asked her ‘Why the commitment now? her eyes welled up with tears, “Because I’m really, really tired of the pain. I can’t go like this! I’m tired! I want to be happy!”
 
 

What are you prepared to do to be happy?

 
 
Carmen said she was prepared to finally establish and uphold strong emotional boundaries with her sibling, mother, husband, and everyone else in her life.
 

What do you believe makes happiness go away?

 
Or if you prefer…
 

Why do we become unhappy?

Why do we leave our happiness to others?

 
 
I believe the answer is, because we think others will make us happier.
 
Is it though? How was Carmen’s constant leaving her happiness to others ever going to advance her dream of becoming genuinely happy by herself?
 
Clearly, leaving our happiness to others does Not work.
 
With this in mind…
 

How do we become happier?

 

I believe, we become happier when we focus on 

  • our individual wants and needs. ‘What do I need right now?’ ‘What do I want right now?’

  • doing the very things that make us happy. ‘What can I do right now to fulfill my wants and needs?’

  • being accountable. ‘What emotional boundary do I have in place to uphold my happiness?’

 
I could certainly relate to Carmen. Before I learned how to have a deep relationship with my self, I kept leaving my happiness to others. My life changed when I became self-aware, intentional, and deeply accountable for my all words and actions.
 
 

Here are some rock solid tips to assist you who may suffer from Status Quo Relationship Complacency Syndrome:

 

  • Honestly face the issue (s) at stake. Ask yourself, “What is it within me that I am avoiding right now?” In Carmen’s case, one of the things she was avoiding was healthily confronting her mother over the constant emotional blackmail in their relationship.

  • Establish a strong emotional boundary over the issue (s) at stake. Ask yourself, “What can I do right now to uphold my happiness?” In Carmen’s case, she needed to tell her mother that, from now, on, she refused to be emotionally blackmailed anymore and would walk away from any perceived attempt at emotional blackmailing.

  • Have an accountability system/person in place. Though many of us say we ‘know’ what to do, we often talk a good talk in front of others, however, behind closed doors, do we take action with the same conviction we try to affirm to others? In many cases, the answer is no. This is why it is crucial to have an outside person like a coach or mentor to hold us accountable for what we do.

 
Now imagine somebody has just read these tips…
 

What do you believe will be their greatest challenge?

 
 
Before she came to see me, Carmen had all the best intentions in the world, multiple times over, BUT she lacked commitment to her self. This is why as soon as someone threatened her happiness, Carmen easily gave in to them, she left her happiness into their hands, with the hope they would somehow make her happier. Now, one of the first things Carmen says to me during our coaching sessions is what she is doing right now to make her inner child happy. She is getting it, she is getting she is the only one responsible for her happiness.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who holds her clients highly accountable so they get to put their actions where their mouth is, and like Carmen, get to finally genuinely become happier with her loved ones.
 

 
For coaching inquiries, reach out to me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
Your Emotional Intelligence Coach,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

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HOW TO REFLECT LIGHT BACK AT ITS SOURCE, GIVE CREDIT WHERE DUE

 

RETROREFLECTOR PIECE … reflecting light back to its source…

 

How important it it to you to have someone believing in you?

I can remember sitting at my desk on a Thursday morning and opening an email I had just received from someone who deeply believes in me and the work that I do as an Emotional Intelligence Coach & Authentic Speaker. About to take a sip from my warm cup of coffee, I stop mid-air, forgetting the coffee, getting excited as I read the following words: “Hi Anne, press release came out, was published in about 300 places. Here is the Miami herald.”
 

What is it worth to you to be professionally recognized by your peers?

“Emotional Intelligence Coach Anne Beaulieu Speaks at CASW Social Work Conference” is the title I read from the Miami Herald’s financial section. As for the conference I was attending as a Keynote Speaker and workshop presenter, the theme was “Finding Our Way: Social Work on Shifting Ground”. I remember feeling intent on delivering effective emotional intelligence tools and techniques to human science professionals who often suffer from compassion fatigue stemming from pouring everything they’ve got into the people they care for. Can you relate?
 

This is why loving what we do is crucial.

Reflecting back, I can see the work that I do, not only as an Emotional Intelligence Coach, but also as an Authentic Speaker, can be rewarding in ways I may not have anticipated before. It is like serving someone a fresh avocado at breakfast for their first time and it ‘suddenly’ dawns upon them that eating a fresh avocado at breakfast regularly might be better for them than sticking to what they know.
After my keynote presentation, a social worker walked up to me on the stage. Shaking physically, her eyes welling with tears, she expressed openly in front of everyone present how she thought she had dealt with all the people in her past so she could be a great social worker, only to realize during my keynote presentation that she had forgotten to deal with the most important person in her life, her own self. How amazing is that?
 

Let me ask you…

 

How can anyone truly be successful 

when they keep ignoring the most important person in their life, 

their own self?

 
Clearly, ignoring our own self does Not work and this is why I love what I do. I love coaching because
 

I BELIEVE IN US, I LOVE SEEING US SHINE BRIGHTLY IN LIFE.

 

To see a member of my audience find the courage to admit openly that what they are doing does Not work and that they now aim to do different is rewarding beyond belief. I feel empowered when I see people get that they matter, I feel excited knowing their life is going to change for the better because of their becoming empowered.
 

Are you with me, nothing shines brighter than light?

 

When is the last time you felt your light being reflected back 

to its source, either by you or your peers?

 
If this moment was later than your last ‘coffee break’, perhaps now is high time to hire an Emotional Intelligence Coach to assist you in deeply loving what you do. For coaching or speaking enquiries, contact me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
Warm Regards,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

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IS LINKEDIN BECOMING THE NEW TINDER?

Have you ever received a message from one of your LinkedIn contacts? In that moment, where were you physically? Were you at the office sitting at your desk? Were you standing at home with your toddler in your arms? Perhaps your spouse or teenager walked into the room as you were checking your messages? Keep these scenarios in mind as you read on…
 
One of my LinkedIn contacts, S. D., sent me a message in which he shared how his mother had recently died. He said he was feeling lost’ and needed ‘empathy’. Since we all go through turbulent moments sometimes, I messaged him with words I trust are compassionate. I received the following response from him, “this is what I meant by empathy in message. sorry im not happy doing this or when I’m not doing this. please have empathy. thanks”. 
 
To assist you in getting what S.D. was saying by ‘this is what I meant by empathy’, know that he sent me a full profile close-up picture of an erect penis. The picture was taken at such a close range that pubic hair and veins were easily discernible or perhaps it was just my big Mac screen tricking my eyes?
 
 

Do you consider racy pictures a rare occurrence on LinkedIn?

 
 
For many of my business contacts, including myself, this is actually a common reality. In the course of business, many of us get solicited by what I call ‘The Invisible Crowd’, the men and women who believe they need to show racy pictures in order to get our attention.
 
 
S.D. seems quite young, early 20s, about the same age as my adult son. You might wonder,
 
 

Could young adults be the only ones sharing racy pictures on LinkedIn?

The answer is NO.

 
 
Let me introduce to you D.L. who is in his late 30s apparently. In his message to me, he said that he found me ‘hot’  and wanted to ‘f*ck  me’. Perhaps wanting to make sure I really got what he was saying, I got one penis picture (sparing you this one again) and a series of chest / muscles pictures (like the one included with this article). The difference between him and S.D. is that S.D. messaged me directly on LinkedIn and D.L. took my business cell phone from my LinkedIn profile to text me his ‘information’.
 
 

Is LinkedIn becoming the new Tinder?

 
Meet D. S., a businessman I presume to be in his 40s based on the fully clothed picture of himself that accompanied his email. Here is what he had to say after checking my profile on LinkedIn and grabbing my business email from the LinkedIn network:
 

  “… I must confess you are pretty…”

“… I understand the medium is a business networking medium and not a dating or social networking website and i don’t intend to use it for one .”

“…hope to learn more about you too that is if you are single…”

 
 
Still not convinced about the lack of ethical behaviour some LinkedIN users are displaying? Let’s ask A.W. to see what he has to say. A.W. claims he is in his 50s and, like D.S., checked my LinkedIn profile then grabbed my business email from there:
 

“I read your profile on linked-in and you caught my eye…”

“This is all new for me, it is the  first time i would ever go against protocol of doing business only on the Linked-in website.”

“You should check me out and let me know what you think.”

 
 
Some people are shocked when I share with them the level of unethical behaviour I am at times encountering on LinkedIn from men and women of all ages. Like me, they have also seen instances where people have spoken up against racy pictures or trolling emails, saying that, “LinkedIn is Not the new Tinder.”
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach. Though I am skilled at addressing potential unethical behaviours in the workplace, many business professionals are not as they have shared with me in private sessions.
 

Now, to the people behaving like predators on LinkedIn, here is what I have to say:

 

Saying that you do not know you are behaving unethically, 

when the evidence clearly says you do know,

 is a terrible defence. 

 
 
If you want to lie to yourself, feel free to do so. Just don’t lie to me.
 

According to the Canadian Mental Health Commission of Canada, in any given year:

  • 1/5 in Canada experiences a mental health problem or illness, with a cost of over $50 BILLION to the economy.

  • Only 1/3 who experience a mental health problem or illness report that they have sought and received services and treatment.

  • In the workplace, mental health problems and illnesses typically account for approximately 30% of short- and long-term disability.

  • Mental health problems and illnesses are rated one of the top three drivers of both short- and long-term disability claims by more than 80% of Canadian employers.

  • As early as 2010, mental health conditions were responsible for 47% of all approved disability claims in the federal civil service, almost double the percentage of twenty years earlier.

  • Mental health problems and illnesses also account for more than $6 billion in lost productivity.

 
This is just Canada… Now imagine what the numbers must be like in the USA with their population 10X bigger than Canada’s…
 
Just for fun, let’s do a quick math… Let’s take a Canadian company of 1,000 employees…

  • 200 (1/5) employees are currently experiencing a mental health problem or illness.

  • Since only 33% are seeking treatment (33% x 200 = 66), this means 134 (200-66) are playing ostrich. What does playing ostrich mean? Playing ostrich means answering ‘I’m fine!’ when one’s world is actually collapsing on the inside.

Now, for these 134 employees refusing to acknowledge they might need more emotional intelligence tools and techniques… maybe you even know someone in this situation right now…
 

What is the cost to your company for short- and long-term disability pay-out? 

 

What is the cost to your company in lost productivity?

 

What is the cost to your company in potential harassment lawsuits?

 
Before answering, bear in mind I received these pictures during business hours and these four persons were most likely sitting at their office desk, maybe even across you…
 

But perhaps… worst of all…

 

What is the cost to you for having been exposed to predator behaviours?

Emotionally?

Financially?

Physically?

Spiritually? 

 
What is the cost to your spouse or your child who happened to be in the same room as you when you checked your LinkedIn messages and got greeted by an erect penis, physical chest, or close-up vagina?
 
Let me get something straight…
 
 

It’s not because you may not see it in your own LinkedIn inbox 

that racy pictures/emails/texts do not exist 

within your business network or company. 

 
 

Playing ostrich to predator behaviour

not only condones this behaviour (agreement by looking the other way), 

it has the potential of becoming extremely costly to you and your company.

 
 
Since people suffering from mental illness cost the Canadian economy $50 BILLION IN ANY GIVEN YEAR, what are these 134 employees truly costing a 1,000 employees company?
 
Assuming that total claims by overall employees equal $500,000 (I am being extremely generous by stating a low number as an example) and 47% are mental related claims, we are looking at a ballpark number of $235,000 (47% x $500,000)
 
Without a doubt, $235,000 is a lot of money that could have been contributed generously to any financial bottom line or even your year-end bonus.
 
By hiring me as your Emotional Intelligence Coach, spending $50,000- $75,000 to ensure your employees understand, live, and uphold strong emotional boundaries is a relatively small fee to pay compared to $235,000 with a raining chance of even more costly harassment lawsuits. From where I am sitting, it looks like a financial savings of 80%+.
 

Is LinkedIn becoming the new Tinder?

Are you truly prepared to find out?

 
My name is Anne Beaulieu. I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach and Authentic Speaker who can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com. Let’s make Emotional Intelligence a growing asset within your company instead of you incurring a predator-type liability.
 
Respectfully,
Anne
P.S. If you wish to receive the names of these four persons behaving like predators to ensure they are never part of your business network, kindly let me know. I do have pictures and emails to support what I have shared in this article.
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

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ASSUMPTIONS, A RELATIONSHIP KILLER

I am out of breath, I find myself gasping for air. Each stroke is becoming more difficult. I tell myself, ‘…just to the end of the pool…just to the end of the pool…’

As I touch the wall, I am feeling so grateful to have finished this lap. Standing in the water, I grab my bottle of water and start drinking from it, hoping I can somehow catch my breath at the same time.

I can sense a man is watching me. He is standing in the water in the middle speed lane, next to me.

For a second, I wonder what he might think of me being so out of breath and drinking from my water bottle like a hungry baby to a milky breast. But then I choose to focus on my water bottle. I am here to swim for me.

“Hi,” he says. I look over and notice he is quite tall, probably over 6 feet, about 45 years old, quite broad of shoulders.

I smile to him, “Hi!” then I turn back to my nursing bottle of water.

“Do you come here every week?” he inquires.

I nod, sucking in more water into me.

“I come every week too, it’s good for my back, I have had some lower back problem in the past, and I have found swimming helps.”

I nod some more. I can relate, temporary lower back pain last Christmas is what triggered me to get swimming again.

“Don’t worry about being out of breath,” he adds, his hand coming up in a patting gesture in the air, “it will get better over time…”

Inside of me, my mind goes, ‘What?’

He then pumps out his chest the way I have seen pea-cocks do, like he is suddenly feeling superior or something, and adds, “I’m now swimming 1,000 m, you know, so don’t worry, you’ll get there… with the out of breath thing and everything else.…”

Damn! To him, I must have really looked like shit coming in on this last lap… then I remembered my aching leg muscles… my arms refusing to do full swim motions… and still… part of me feel wants to knock his socks off!

What the hell is he assuming about me?

That I cannot swim because I am out of breath?

I take a deeper breath and remind myself silently that I used to be like him. I used to assume a whole bunch of stuff about other people, stuff that might or might not have been true at all!

So instead of getting angry or annoyed, I flash him two big thumbs up and a genuine smile, “Congratulations! Good for you!”

Whatever next prompted him… maybe the desire to know me?… maybe the desire to up one on me?… who truly knows?…. he asked me, “And you, how much do you swim now?”

This is going to be good… he asked!!!!

“1,800 meters,” I answer, “what you saw over there was me completing my last 50m lap…”

His face drops, he looks puzzled, it is as if he is trying to comprehend what I am now saying. I can see a wide question mark forming on his face, as if to say, “You can swim?!”

As a truth perhaps slowly descends on him that I might not be such a lousy swimmer after all and he might have been behaving like a douche bag towards me, he says, “Ooooo… I had no clue… I did not know…”

In my head, I want to scream, “You did not ask!”, but I choose to grab my water bottle and get out of the pool. Legs shaking, I feel mighty proud of myself, I swam 1,800m today, a personal record!!!!

Now,

What are the possible reasons we make assumptions 

about other people?

 

  • we want to be right

  • we want to be right

  • we want to be right

  • ….

 

Insight of this, what makes assumptions a killer in relationships?

 

  • we want to be right

  • we want to be right

  • we want to be right

  • ….

 

What does the want to be right say about our own self?

My want to be right says about me that I am (……..…….).

What do making assumptions prevent us to experience?

Based on my own past experience, I have missed on

  • deeper intimacy with myself and others

  • greater sense of curiosity

  • developing ability to become more heart-present in the moment

  • discovering my own truth, instead of buying pre-fab conditioning crap

Realizing this,

Why would anyone continue making assumptions about others?

You be the judge.

My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach. I am also an Assumption Killer who can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com

With love & compassion,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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WHAT SPRAINED FEET AND LETTING OFF STEAM HAVE IN COMMON

My Goodness, I just got off the phone with a girlfriend of mine. She wanted to talk to me about her crappy relationship with her life partner. With what sounded like great frustration on her end, she blurted out, “J’ai besoin de me défouler!”
 
Mmmmm….. I had not heard the word “défouler” in a very long time…. So I asked myself,
 

“What is the equivalent in English?”

 
As nothing satisfactory came to mind, O well, I went searching the internet.
 
I started with Google Translator. The first equivalent that came up for “défouler” is “undo”.
 
Undo? Uhhh…, I don’t think so here.    See, my girlfriend needed a place to safely talk about her feelings and emotions. I highly doubt she was looking for a place to “undo” herself. Or maybe she was?…
 
For better luck perhaps, I put her whole sentence into Google Translator. What came up is, “I need to let off steam!”
 
Looking at this indirect translation (it is lacking a direct actionable verb here), I start chuckling he he he
 

English and French do evoke different imagery.

 
Why is that?
 
Apparently, back in 1100s, the French invented the word “defuler” which means “spraining feet, mistreating”.
 
Since the prefix “de” means no or remove, and “fouler” means to sprain, therefore:
 

“défouler” literally means to remove the mistreatment, the hurt felt from sprained feet!

 
I personally find this explanation fascinating… from head to toes!!!
 
In the old days….
 

to ‘let off steam’ literally meant to take responsibility

for the mistreatment we gave ourselves by spraining our feet!

 
Now, now, is this what “letting off steam” truly means nowadays? I don’t think so!
 
Nowadays, “letting off steam” has more to do with trying to ‘free’ ourselves from a person, situation, or thing, be it emotionally, physically, or spiritually.
 
When I or any of my friends let off steam…. there might actually be very little personal accountability or responsibility regarding our past actions. We’re too busy bitching, all right!
 
Like my girlfriend said, “I am so fed up with him! He does not want to change!!!!”
 

How many times have you heard or said something like that?

 
 
Imagine for a moment….
Your girlfriend is calling you. She says she wants to talk about her relationship with her life partner, and with what sounds like great frustration on her end, she blurts out,
 

“I just want to take responsibility for the mistreatment I gave myself

by spraining my feet in this relationship!”

 
 
Holy Molly, if every one of us talked like this, I truly believe we might most likely experience phenomenal breakthroughs in relationships!
 
Soooo, next time you feel like letting off steam, you might want to ask yourself first,
 

“What is my true responsibility in this situation?”

…And take action accordingly!

 
As for me, I am going to soak my feet in sea salts water. I hear it is good for swelling…. especially the head ha ha ha.
 
This EQ Bubble Gum Moment was sponsored by Walking Inside Resources Inc.
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who loves languages and the wisdom derived from words and expressions. I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com

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HOW CASTING BLAME MAY DESTROY RELATIONSHIPS

‘It’s your fault!’ I said to my 16 year old son who had just come home with a big fat zero on a school term paper he did not hand in on time. I had little compassion for the shocked look on his face. I pointed my index finger to his face. ‘How could you let this happen? Were you not thinking? What the hell did you expect?’
 
You guessed it, I was angry like a volcano bursting into lapping flames.
 
The more I went on about what I believed was ‘wrong’ with him, the more I felt him becoming withdrawn. He was incessantly looking out of the kitchen window, not even bothering to answer any of my questions. As he often did, he chose to remain mute, waiting for the storm to boil over.
Sounds familiar?
 

How many times in your life have you put a finger in someone’s face saying, ‘It’s your fault!’

 
If you are like me,
 

What exactly did you want to accomplish by behaving like that?

 
For me, as strange as it may sound, I wanted my son to take responsibility for his actions. I wanted him to realize the world was a bad place and would not do him any favours. Sounds horrid, doesn’t it?
 
Here I was, utterly delusional, thinking casting blame through accusing, yelling, and overpowering would somehow turn another human being into someone responsible who would believe the world was fundamentally good. Come to think of it, what did that all say about me?
 
Back then, I did not know blaming is one of the worst possible ways to empower another person. Actually, I now believe it is impossible to empower our self and others while casting blame.
 

By saying to my son, ‘It’s your fault!’,

  • I wanted him to feel guilty; ’How could you let this happen?’

  • I wanted to shame him; ‘Were you not thinking?’ (that question implied he was somewhat ‘stupid’, ‘not good enough’).

  • I wanted him to feel unworthy; ‘What the hell did you expect?’

 
 
My blaming turned him into a victim and me into an emotional abuser. I pointed a finger in his face while he kept looking out the kitchen window, remember?
 
Now, take moment, and think about the following,
 

How can making someone feel guilty, shameful, and worthless can possibly lead anyone to becoming responsible?

 
 

I have come to realize that casting blame has EVERYTHING to do with me

and NOTHING to do with another human being.

 
 
Why?

  • As a child, when the cat darted through the main door, I was told ‘How could you let this happen?’
  • As a child, when I lost track of time and got home late, I was told ‘Were you not thinking?’
  • As a child, when I tried to defend myself from backlash, I was told ‘What the hell did you expect?’

 
Is it any wonder I did to my son what I had been taught my whole life?
 
I now know casting blame is a recipe for disaster. I believe it gradually destroys relationships by slowly killing whatever amount of love and respect may have lived there once.
 
I cannot turn back time.
 

What I am doing is change myself:

I foster a sense of responsibility away from blaming.

.
.
.

How to do that?

  • Breathe deeply. Breathing deeply helps prevent ‘hot mustard’ going up our nose. The only person we truly have control over is our self.

  • Acknowledge the issue. Gently ask, ‘What happened?’

  • Listen without interruption or judgment. 

  • Notice awkward pauses, silences, or looks.  These might point to a struggle within.

  • Clarify any misunderstanding you may have. ‘So what you are saying is….?’

  • Put both of you on the same page. ‘What do you believe you could have done to prevent this issue?’ 

  • Listen by nodding silently or making agreeable small noises  Being acknowledged for our process does wonders.

  • Be kind. ‘How may I assist you from preventing a similar issue in the future?’ 

  • Put a plan into practice. 

 
My son is almost 22 years old now. I have had many moments where I have apologized to him from my heart because, like me, I believe he deserves to feel worthy, wholesome, lovable.
 
I trust you have found this article valuable. My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach. I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With trust, love & respect,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
#emotionalintelligence #walkinginside #blame #withdrawal #anger #rage #denial #depression #anxiety #empowerment #wholesomeness #feelingworthy #love #beinglovable #feelinggoodenough

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A SUNDAY ANECDOTE: HOW TO ALIGN MIND WITH HEART?

Run the shit show to the end. 
One evening last week, I was practicing my presentation in the middle of my living room. I was talking out loud, timing exercises, stuff like that. I was tired and getting cranky. I drank a sip of water and looked at the dog. Ahhh, I had forgotten he still needed his evening walk. I sighed and piled my pieces of paper neatly together. Mind knocked at the door of my heart. Just for the kick of it, it had brought along its ‘friend’, Crappy Mood.
“I just wanna say it’s not gonna happen, you know, you can’t do it, you don’t know your stuff well enough, you’re not good enough, you know that, right?”
Yeah, I know this voice, I have heard it plenty of times before. Frustrated, I asked myself, “Why now?” and regretted it immediately.
 

From experience, I have come to discover that ‘Why now?’ is often a terrible question to ask.

‘Why not?’ seems a much better mind-fuck.

 
I took a deep breath, “Here’s the deal. You (Mind) will remain quiet until after the workshops are finished. In exchange, I promise to give you the WHOLE floor for you to tell me EVERYTHING and ANYTHING you want to tell me, BUT I get to choose the exact time and how long you can talk.”
Mind got quite excited, the way only Minds can do. The whole floor? Everything?!!!!! My mind was like a hungry dog looking at a T-bone.
Knowing I meant what I said, Mind became quiet. I felt myself breathing deeper, I saw my chest rising and falling, I heard my footsteps while taking my evening walk. I was happy again.
The day of the workshops, I still felt quite calm. I shook hands with the participants, I remembered to ask their name before they shared their truth, listened openly while they were talking, and thanked them for their sharing. I felt happy remembering the little gestures, the ones that often show whether or not we feel seen, heard, wanted, and appreciated.
I could sense Mind was there somewhere within me standing guard. It was keeping its end of the bargain. I had not said bad comments about myself all day or thought poorly of others.  I was feeling good inside.
When the workshops were over, Mind tapped me, starting to nag me over and over. “We have a deal!!!!”
“Yes we do.”
“Now!!!!!!!”
“Not now.”
“But… but you agreed!!!!!!!”
“Yes. On my terms, remember? I get to choose the moment you have the floor.”
I called forward my little girl inside, my connection to my heart and soul. I also called forward the wounded woman inside of me. I thanked them both for showing up today, I thanked them for their honesty in feeling and caring. I sincerely believed in my heart of hearts I did my best. I told myself I have come a long way in the last three years and I have every right to be proud of myself in this moment.
In this feeling good place, I called Mind forward. “Now I am ready. Say EVERYTHING and ANYTHING you want to say to me. You have the WHOLE floor. This moment.”
“But… but… I’m not ready! You’re happy! You’re too happy!!!!! This does not work! That’s not the deal! You’re supposed to feel like shit when I talk! Do you hear me? I can’t talk to you like this!!!!!!!”
I chuckled at the idea that somewhere within me was a whole shit show going on and I was okay with this.
When I sensed the moment had passed, I said to myself, “OK, you had the whole floor, to say everything and anything. Our deal is done.”
Mind nodded and it remained quiet the rest of the evening.
As for me, I will keep working on making my mind and my heart become better aligned.
 
Mind-fully,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

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"WHAT IS YOUR BEST TOOL FOR ME TO STAY ON TRACK?"

My client is sitting in front of me. He seems happy. Some of his goals are being realized and he is proud of his accomplishments. After months of working together, he is in what he now calls a good place. Work opportunities are being offered to him, opportunities apparently aligned with his dreams.
Smiling, I ask, “What would you like to be coached on today?”
“I want more tools to stay on track. I love where I’m at right now. I don’t want to get distracted from my goals.”
“What do you mean by distraction?”
He sighs, talks about the election in the U.S., environmental pollution, kids’ poverty… The first time we met, he said there is an activist within him. He says the U.S election is his biggest ‘distraction’ right now. He agrees to limit his involvement to 1 hour max daily over the next 3 months then review.
“What are other major distractions in your life right now?” I ask him.
“People’s drama! No matter how hard I try, I still get sucked into people’s drama. And then there’s this job offer. They want me to go to L.A. and talk to them.”
“OK. From what I get, you want a tool that can prevent you from being sucked into people’s drama and any other plan that might not fit with your dreams, correct?”
“Correct.”
“I am going to give you the tool my mentor Dov Baron is teaching me. Your tool comes from

ASKING POWERFUL QUESTIONS.

 
I look into his eyes. “What is the most important question you can ever ask yourself or any other person to avoid drama? At least, this is my belief.”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want to play?” My client knows this question to mean ‘Let’s put into practice what we have learned in the past and are still learning together.” He agrees.
With big Bambi eyes, I say, “I want a Jacuzzi.”
“WHAT?!”
“I want a Jacuzzi.” I share with him how his question triggered the same statement from me, just more defensive. Clearly not a moving forward in our case. What better question can he ask me?
He laughs nervously; this conversation does not seem to go as anticipated. How many of you can relate to him right now?
“WHY? Why do you want a jacuzzi?”
“Because I want to. I want a Jacuzzi.” I proceed to share with him how a WHY question is often quite disempowering as it might give the impression one or both people are wrong. I suggest he asks me a better question.
He is getting a tad frustrated. “WHAT would you do with a jacuzzi anyway?! Do you want it? Do you need it? Is it a jacuzzi for indoors? Outdoors? ”
I look at him without biting at the series of questions coming at me. I share with him how his questions seem judging when all I ever said was, ‘I want a Jacuzzi.’
His back goes against the couch, like he is giving up, but then something greater in him kicks in, he wants to know, his eyes are now twinkling.
“Anne, what powerful question can I ask here?” He takes a breath and asks, “What type of jacuzzi?”
“Much better question,” I say smiling. “I want it with 4 legs, a long neck, and spots on its back.”
He bursts out laughing, “What! That’s not a jacuzzi, that’s a giraffe you want.”
Thinking he’s now got one over me, he asks cheekily, ‘And, are we going to Africa to get your giraffe?  How tall do you want it to be? How will we bring it back on the plane with us?”
I am not smiling on purpose. “I don’t want to go to Africa. I want a Jacuzzi. Purple, please.”
His eyes grow big again. Purple? WTF? I remind him to ask me a powerful question regarding what I am saying.
The lightbulb goes on for him. “What do you mean by jacuzzi?”
I clap my hands. I congratulate him on asking one of the most powerful questions we can ever ask ourselves or another person.
“What do I mean by Jacuzzi? I want a purple stuffed giraffe, 1 foot tall, that I will affectionately call Jacuzzi.”
He sat there, in silence, absorbing what had just happened between us. Like him, how many times in your life have you assumed a whole bunch of shit about people only to find out later your assumptions were grossly inaccurate?
I asked my client, “What did you see when I said ‘Jacuzzi’?”
“I saw a jacuzzi, with jet streams, oval shape.”
“Did it occur to you I might see something different than you?”
“No.”
“Did it occur to you I might be talking about a stuffed animal?”
“No.”
“What assumptions went through your mind to believe we were talking about the same thing when you never checked with me first?”
“Well… I thought I was right. I thought you’re an adult, a mature woman, and a mature woman who is coaching right now will not want a stuffed animal named Jacuzzi. She’ll want a real jacuzzi.”
“Ahhhhh… What have you learned from this experience right now?”
“I’m going to ask, ‘What do you mean by now?’ over and over until I am clear I am talking about what whoever is talking about with me.
I nodded, “And that, my friend, is how you avoid drama and remain on track. By the way, Christmas is coming… I want a Jacuzzi!’