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THREE WAYS IGNORING YOUR CREATIVITY IS BLOCKING YOUR DREAM JOB

When Joy* came to see me, she was dressed in black from head to toe, not because she found that colour trendy, but because, as she said, she thought it camouflaged her body fat. Looking at the ground as she said these words, she retreated deeply into her seat. This behaviour of hers told me a lot about Joy, how her life seemed to lack the vibrant colours of creativity. 
 
Through my talking with her, I found out she did not like her job and wanted a new position because she felt unseen and unheard by upper management. When she wrote her boss yet another memo about an ongoing problem in her division, she claimed her words landed on deaf ears. Ever been in that situation?
 
When I asked her if she had provided her boss with a viable solution to this ongoing problem, she quietly said no, then blurted out there was no point doing so because management apparently ‘never’ listens anyway.
 
 

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew the problem,

but had no solution?

 
After her work shift, Joy confessed she went home feeling grumpy and exhausted. At night, she ate her dinner in her lap and flipped through Netflix programs to see what she would be watching for the next 2-3 hours. She went to bed at about the same time every night and slept on the same side on her bed every day. When she woke up the next morning, Joy said she repeated those behaviours “pretty much the same”.
 

Can you imagine what it feels like to be stuck in a routine that blocks creativity?

 
Joy was fed up with her current job and wanted a new position. She wanted a better job with better pay. Laughing, she said she wanted to become part of upper management so she could change the ways things were done in her division. This is why Joy was coming to see me, to assist her in landing her dream job position.
 
I asked…
 

“What would it feel like to have a solution to all your problems?”

 
At first, Joy thought I was joking with her, but when she saw I was being serious, her eyes lit up, she leaned forward, and she told me how she and her co-workers would stop stressing out and getting exhausted, especially when they were low on staff and clients kept walking in.
 

“Where do you believe the root of the problem is?”

 
Joy stopped talking and looked at me. Though she was tempted to say “management” (as she confessed later), she was also starting to realize she was the one complaining about an ongoing problem while offering zero viable solution to solve it. She quietly answered, “Me.”
 
That day, I sent Joy with simple homework to do. She was to eat her dinner at the dinner table. She was to write a short paragraph about her life, storytelling style, with an anecdote and lots of feeling. She was also to switch her sleeping position head to feet and to show up in more vibrant colours the next time I was seeing her.
 

What do you believe happens when we keep ignoring our creativity?

 
At our next coaching session, Joy told me how weird it felt at first sleeping ‘upside down’ but she was now liking it. She said she can now see the moon outside her bedroom window and it is lovely. She then showed me her paragraph that she had rewritten over and over. Her smile left as she blurted ‘but it’s not perfect’. As for her clothes, she was still wearing black from head to toe.
 
Like so many, Joy was fighting her own habits, habits that were familiar to her and also kept blocking her creativity from flowing. It is any wonder she had a hard time coming up with a viable, creative solutions?
 
Through further coaching with me, Joy realized she was the solution to all her problems.
 
 
Let me ask you…
 

Why do we become non-creative?

Why do we pursue crushing routine over flowing creativity?

 
I believe the answer is, because we think it will be better.
 
Is it though? How was Joy living her life geared to constant routine ever going to advance her dream of finding creative solutions to all her problems?
 
Clearly, pursuing routine over creativity does Not work.
 
With this in mind…
 

How do things become better?

 

I believe, things become better when we focus on 

  • becoming aware of our potential. I am the solution to all my problems.

  • becoming flexible in thinking and behaviours. ‘What can I do right now to bring forth my creativity?’

  • becoming accountable for our actions. ‘How can I ensure I keep fostering my creativity and the one of others?”

 
I could certainly relate to Joy. I used to let routine rule my life and kill my creativity until I learned to embody that I am the solution to all my problems. As a result,  I changed my way of thinking and doing things and became highly accountable for all my choices.
 

Here are some rock solid tips to assist you who want to access your creativity to land your dream job:

 

  • Use mathematical precision in your creativity. A ‘love’ for constant routine is usually associated with being risk-averse. Since being creative is about being willing to take risks, incorporate mathematical like precision in your creative solutions to feel safe. For example, Joy incorporated supporting statistics as to why her division had to change their way of doing business. Seeing these stats motivated her even further to come up with a viable solution to her ongoing problem at work.

  • Get out of your own way. Play the 30 squares game. Draw 30 squares and in each square write a solution to a specific problem. Before long, you might ‘run out’ of ‘logical’ ideas and start writing down ‘crazy’ solutions. Before you know it, you are out of your way as you allow viable solutions to present themselves more naturally.

  • Have an accountability system/person in place. Though many of us say we want to become more creative, the thing is, creativity seems to scare the shit out of many. Therefore, having someone holding us accountable for our displayed level of creativity is crucial to keep us going towards our dream job.

 
Now imagine somebody has just read these tips…
 

What do you believe will be their greatest challenge?

 
Before she came to see me, Joy had all the best intentions in the world, but she lacked a solid accountability system. This is why as soon as she felt challenged in her routine habits, she familiarly went back to wearing only black.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who holds her clients highly accountable so they get to put their actions where their mouth is, and like Joy, get to implement their creative solutions. Joy is now forming a consultancy company.
 
For coaching inquiries, reach out to me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
Your Emotional Intelligence Coach,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

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HOW TO ELIMINATE A OO7 DOUBLE LIFE

When James* called upon me, he asked that we meet in an open restaurant downtown Vancouver. Asking him why there instead of my office, he laughed and said, ‘Because I need it this way.’ 
 
On the agreed upon date and time of rendez-vous, James sat down in front of me and immediately placed his hands under the table where I could Not see them. This gesture alone told me a lot about James, how easily he pretended to be emotionally open yet felt the want to hide once in front of me.
 
Through my talking with him, I found out James was one of nine children from a very large Catholic South American family. He grew up being an altar boy, going to Sunday school, and saying prayers. But something was Not working for him… In his teenage years, he realized he was gay and being gay is apparently something deemed unacceptable in his family and culture.
 
 

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt rejected for what you are?

 
 
James moved to Vancouver, found a job, and said he met the ‘love of his life’, whom he married a couple of years later. Though saying he is happily married, James had two Facebook accounts, one ‘straight’ and one gay, to ‘spare’ the family as he said. Looking down, he confessed few people (if any) where he came from knew he was even married.
 
 

Can you imagine what it feels like to hide things from the people you love? 

 
 
In tears, James said he needed to come out of the closet as a gay and this is why he was coming to see me. He felt he could Not do it alone, he said this was too much for him to face alone.
 

 
I asked…
 
 

In a perfect world, what would your life be like right now?

 
 
Jame’s face brightened. He shared how he would only have one Facebook account and one Instagram account. He laughed saying he would show pictures from the ‘crazy’ adventures he and his husband have been on, their food expeditions, their vacations together, even their honeymoon trip…
 
I asked James if he truly loved his husband. Without hesitation he answered choking up, “Are you kidding me? He is the best thing that has ever happened to me!”
 
I replied,
 
 

When we truly love someone, including ourselves, do we hide who we are?

 
 
James burst into tears. He did Not seem to care anymore whether the waiter or other patrons saw him crying; his shoulders were heaving up and down with heavy sobs. Then he took a deep breath, clenched his teeth, and said, “I deserve better! My husband deserves better! I am coming out!” I was impressed by this fiery determination.
 
That day, he went home with homework to do. Over the next seven days, he had to call every member of his family, his eight siblings and two parents, and tell each one of them he was gay. His framework looked something like ‘I am calling to share something important to me. I am gay. Being gay is a part of me, it is Not all of me. I love you.”
 
 

Have you ever had to stand up for what you believe in? How easy was it?

 
 
At our next coaching session, James sat down with his journal open. Where he had drawn ten little people with their name on top of each, three of them were still left unmarked by an ‘X’ signifying ‘the job is done’ and they knew he was gay.
 
I open directly,
 
 

What happened to you missing your goal?

 
James grabbed his journal with both hands. He mumbled how he was Not truly close to the only sibling left on the list as this person had once sexually assaulted him when he was a kid… He also said how many of his siblings were now sending him harassment messages telling him he was ‘wrong’, going to ‘hell, and ‘Don’t tell mom and dad! They’re too old and mom’s depression is too bad!’
 
Like so many, James was caught once more living a double life, living in the background of his own life while trying to get ‘approval’ from others, especially from members of his family.
 
 

Whose approval is most important to you to be happy?

 
I pointed to the top of the page where all his little people drawings were and I asked him to write down a story title expressing what his goal is. His pen almost pierced the paper as he wrote in capital letters at the top,
 

“I AM COMING OUT!”

 
 
Let me ask you…
 

Why do we become untruthful?

Why do we pursue lies?

 
 
I believe the answer is, because we think it will be better.
 
Is it though? How was James’ constant lying about being gay going to advance his goal of coming out of the closet?
 
Clearly, denying our truth does Not work.
 
With this in mind…
 

How do things become better?

 

I believe, things become better when we focus on 

  • becoming truthful. ‘What is my truth?’

  • becoming intentional. ‘What can I do right now to uphold my truth?’

  • becoming accountable. ‘What can I do to hold myself accountable so I live my truth?

 
I could certainly relate to James. When I got married, I did not tell my then husband about the way I grew up, the level of violence. I thought he would ‘love’ me more if I buried what had happened to me as a child. Can you relate? My life changed for the better when I became truthful, intentional, and accountable.
 
 

Here are some rock solid tips to assist you who may suffer from ‘007 Double Life  Syndrome’:

Once you have identified what your truth is, whether it is to come of the closet as gay or lesbian, leave an unhappy marriage, change jobs, or …
 

  • Make a list of who needs to know. When we make the decision to come out with our truth, often, we tend to believe everyone ‘must’ know all at once. Spare yourself feeling overwhelmed, work in stages.

  • Come up with an on point message telling your truth. Keep it short. Keep it sweet. Keep it to the point. Understand there is plenty of time later to go into the ‘Why did this happen?’ if you ever chose to.

  • Have an accountability system/person in place. Though many of us say we ‘know’ what we need to do in order to be happy, many of us end up losing our nerve when the stakes are deemed high.Therefore, having someone on your team who is Not emotionally attached to your situation allows for actions with a greater sense of clarity.

 
 
Now imagine somebody has just read these tips…
 

What do you believe will be their greatest challenge?

 
Before James came to see me, he had all the best intentions in the world, BUT he lacked a solid accountability system. This is why as soon as he went into ‘What will they think of me?’ he lost his nerve of telling his truth to his family.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who holds her clients highly accountable so they get to live their truth openly, and like James, get to come out at the top of their story page.
 
For coaching inquiries, reach out to me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
Your Emotional Intelligence Coach,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

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Accountability Anxiety Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Conscience Courage Curiosity Decency Depression Dreams Emotional Intelligence Empathy Enabling Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Frustration Gratefulness Guilt Happiness Hope Ignorance Inner Child Inner Peace Insanity Instinct Intellect Intent Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Patience Peace procrastination Racism Reality Relationship Sadness Sanity Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Space Success Tolerance Trust WalkingInside

ROUND AND ROUND

ROUND AND ROUND
 
Round and round
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life.
Ups and downs,
We think that’s life
Until we get off our mount.
 
Round and round
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life.
Laughter and tears
We think we’re here
Until we go deep within.
 
In and in
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life,
Darkness and light
Fuse into one
Until we go round and round.
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
What makes any of us go round and round in circles?
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
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acceptance Accountability Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Confidence Conscience Courage Curiosity Emotional Intelligence Empathy Enabling Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Friendship Gratefulness Happiness Hope Ignorance Imagination Inner Child Inner Peace Insanity Intellect Intent Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Patience Peace Racism Reality Relationship Sadness Sanity Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Settling Shame Social Awareness Space Success Tolerance Trust WalkingInside

I — USED TO THINK

I — USED TO THINK
 
I used to think
A tree was just a tree
I saw it with my own mind
Roots, trunk, branches, leaves.
 
I used to think
You were different than me
I saw it with my own mind
Bodies, fences, judgement, fear.
 
Thanks to my mentor, I met me
For a moment, I stopped thinking,
In stillness, my mind cracked open
Discovering sunshine cooling breeze within.
 
How refreshing
To hear inside the giggles of a small child
Who never thought we were separate
Who’s always known we all belong.
 
Because of my love for this child and me
The lines in my mind are becoming blurry
If there is nothing separating you from me
Then, who am I? What are we?
 
Willing to know, I ask her to show me the way
How I may serve her from a place of integrity
Laughing, she is showing a world full of wonders
Where roots and bodies, you and me,
Are merging into, this or something greater,
Then… I used to think.
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
 
To know more about Soul Leadership: www.fullmontyleadership.com
 
P.S. With this post, I am including more forms and patterns I have seen when opening up pictures. This time, I am not showing the pictures they may have originated from because I want you to imagine what can possibly give rise to …
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acceptance Accountability Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Confidence Conscience Courage Curiosity Dreams Emotional Intelligence Empathy Enabling Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Friendship Gratefulness Happiness Hope Ignorance Inner Child Inner Peace Instinct Intellect Intent Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Patience Peace procrastination Reality Relationship Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Settling Social Awareness Space Speaking Success Tolerance Trust WalkingInside

AWAKENING

AWAKENING
 
I awoke in the middle of the night,
Frightened and scared,
Thinking I was alone.
I looked around the bedroom,
Stillness and shadows greeting me.
What an unfamiliar sight, I thought to myself,
To be alone with one’s thoughts,
To be shyly greeting one’s feelings.
 
Out of habit,
I called out a name,
Thinking you would come,
But the echo came back empty.
I did not yet understand,
Love is neither a name or a game,
It is a flowing feeling,
Like waves, rising and falling,
Amidst our own waters.
 
Thinking I knew better,
I turned my bed into a raft,
I paddled day and night,
Still hoping to find you,
Afloat on another raft nearby.
 
Feeling more lost than ever,
I finally stopped doing this crazy thing,
And started instead to
Listen to the wind
Who has always known my name.
 
It said,
“Dive,
Dive deep within,
For the one you are looking for,
The Beloved,
Is awaiting.”
 
I told the Wind,
“I am no Mermaid,
To flag my tale under water.”
And the Wind softly replied,
“Trust and Have Faith,
Within you is always the Way.”
 
So I took a majestic dive
Perhaps the way Dolphins do?
Feeling my own breathing
Echoing back to me
The beauty of universes within.
 
I now use my raft as a diving board,
In whatever room I find myself in,
I remember Ocean Waves belong
To the One
Awakened in the middle of the night.
 
With Deep Gratitude,
Anne
 
Dov Baron, thank you for being the Wind speaking softly to me, I am grateful
 
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
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WHY A BREAK-UP MAY NOT BE A TRUE SOLUTION

“I broke up with him, I moved out, I’m done!” says my new coaching client. Her voice sounds like a mixture of anger, hurt, and frustration.
 
“Are you sure you are done?”  She has been married for quite a few years now.
 
She avoids answering clearly. “I moved out, what else you want to hear?!”
 
“Moving out does not necessarily mean we are ‘done’ with a relationship. Do you still love him?”
 
Her tone rises. “No, I don’t! I stopped loving him long ago!”
 
I ask, “What made you stay then?”
 
“I did not have the money to leave and I thought.. perhaps… he would change.”
 
“What made you keep hoping for hope that he will change though you say you are done already?”
 
She stops for a moment, maybe realizing her anger might be blinding her? 
 
The moment for possible accountability passes, she goes into attacking character, “Well, you do not know him, he will never change, he is a liar and a bullshitter! I told him I would never go back to the man he is right now unless he changes.”
 
“So you have made a proposal for reconciliation?”
 
“Whaaaat?” She stops, unsure what to say next. Yes, being accountable 100% for our words and actions can be daunting at times.
 
“But, but… you don’t know all the mean things he has said to me!” She wants to show me text messages and I stop her. My job is to assist her in gaining clarity, not debate who is right or wrong.
 
“Tell me, after having read all these ‘mean’ texts to you, do you trust him?” 
 
She laughs what I call a contempt laugh, it is like a rock mixed with laughter. “Pfff! Would you trust someone like that?”
 
She keeps deflecting. I repeat the question, “Do you trust him?”
 
“No! Trust is 100% gone!”
 
“If trust is 100% gone, then what made you make him an offer of reconciliation?”
 
She pauses again then shakes her head, “No! He would have to do so much for me to trust him again.”
 
“Like what?”
 
“Like be here for me.”
 
“What does that mean to you?”
 
She gives me a look like I am stupid or something. I laugh and say, “Pretend I am 5 years old. Because you know what? When we are wounded, chances are we are behaving like a 5 year old in that moment.”
 
She relaxes, “We would be together, you know, together!”
 
“What does this mean to you, ‘together together’? Be specific. Go deeper.” 
 
“I want him to ask me how my day was when he comes home. I want him to sit down on the sofa with me and listen to me talk about my day, whether it is good or bad.”
 
“How long does he need to sit with you for?” 
 
We could hear a pin drop. “Fifteen minutes.”
 
“How many times a day? A week?” She answers every day, once a day.
 
“Have you ever made this specific request, “I need you to sit on the couch once a day, every day, when you come home from work, and listen to me talk about my day for fifteen minutes, whether my day is good or bad.”
 
“Well, not exactly, but he knoowwwwws!”
 
“Does he? Maybe he does not, you just moved out.”
 
She looks at the table. I up the pressure a bit, “You said you have lost all trust in him. If he were to exactly meet your demand, how many times or how long does he have to do it before you trust him again?”
 
“I… I don’t understand the question.”  
 
“Trust is earned, isn’t it? So how many times does he have to show you he has ‘changed’ before you accept the ‘change’?”
 
“I don’t know. Right now, it seems like I can never trust him again.”
 
“If this is true, then what made you do a proposal for reconciliation?”
 
“Because I want to make sure 100% I am making the right decision.”
 
“Ah! So you are trying to get clear at the expense of someone else? Someone who perhaps might happen to be your own reflection in the mirror?”
 
“….I … I thought we were different. This way, it was so easy to blame him for everything…”
 
 
Let’s stop here for a moment…
 

WHY a break-up may not be a true solution? 

Because…

 

  • We may lack clarity on knowing and expressing our specific needs and wants.

  • We might cast shame and blame easily. We might use anger, hurt, and frustration as weapons to prove we are ‘right’.

  • We perhaps hope against hope that he/she will change.

  • We often behave like a wounded 5 year old.

 
Now,
What do you believe will happen to my client in her next relationship if she does not get clear about herself?
What do you believe will happen to you in your next relationship if you do not get clear about you?
You be the judge.
 
I trust you have found value in this article. My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who assists her clients GET CLEAR before they make LIFE decisions. I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With Love & Compassion,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

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FROM FRUSTRATION TO LOVE

This week’s MindFlick is as follows:  “I heard on the news that Pity and Should tried together to save a woman who had fallen unconsciously into an apparently giant pit. Police identified the wounded woman as Frustration.”
 
For many of us, pie can be comforting when trying to figure things out. So pull up a chair, glad a slice of pi, and let’s see what happened with this case.
 
Let’s start at the scene…
 
Pity reported she was walking on the street minding her own business (she says) when she saw this woman unconsciously falling into a giant pit.
 
“I immediately rushed over,” she confessed. “I quickly looked around and saw it was my moment to shine.”  Trying to be brave perhaps, she jumped into the pit after the fallen woman.
 
“I grabbed her hand,” Pity smiles, “I asked her if she was okay.”
 
Visibly shaken, the wounded woman apparently thanked Pity profusely. “Thank you for being here, I feel so much less alone knowing you are here with me.”
 
On the news, I saw Pity pump out her chest real big at this mention. She added, “That will teach all these people in my life who have thought I am heartless and cruel.”
 
The story gets worse…
 
The wounded woman apparently managed to sit herself up against the rocky wall and asked Pity, “Have you called for help? Does anyone know we’re down here?”
 
It is said Pity focused her eyes on the ground, feeling guilty. She did not answer.
 
The wounded woman realized their predicament, “You fool! You blindly jumped after me? Without having locked your safety first? How can you help me now?!!!”
 
On the police report, it is said Pity then started crying uncontrollably, whining about she keeps being called heartless and cruel when all she has ever wanted to do is be useful to others. “Bunch of ungrateful bastards!” she yelled out, “that’s what you all are!” 
 
Luckily, Should walked by and took inventory of the situation. He seemed pragmatic, cold, and highly logical.
 
Pointing a finger at the wounded woman first, he belted, “What were you thinking? What kind of idiot puts herself in this situation? You should know better!”
 
He then turned mercilessly on Pity too. “And you! Following suit without thinking! Just to make yourself feel better! You’re no better than her! Don’t you see? You’re both wounded!”
 
Pity started howling. “It’s all her fault! I just wanted to help! It’s not my fault she is so unconscious and can’t look where she is going! Don’t put the blame on me, pin it on her!”
 
Hearing all these harsh words, the wounded woman was stunned, speechless, as if frozen on the spot. She suddenly felt deeply guilty and ashamed of herself. “Maybe Pity and Should are right, I’m an idiot, I can’t do anything right!” She put both her hands on her face and started sobbing, having seemingly very little compassion for herself.
 
Thankfully, a loving child stopped and listened. She looked inside the pit and addressed the wounded woman. “What is your name?” she gently asked.
 
The wounded woman stopped paying attention to Pity and Should and answered, “Might as well call me Frustration.”
 
“Is this your real name?” the child asked innocently.
 
The woman paused, “No, not really. It just seems so right now; I am not seeing this situation clearly.”
 
“How may I assist you?” asked the child.
 
“Do you have a cell phone on you?” The child answered yes. “Can you please call for help?”
 
The child called and police arrived shortly. They straightened Pity and Should and congratulated the child who had remained grounded the whole time.
 
As the wounded woman hugged the child tight against her heart, the child gently whispered, “What is your real name?”
 
The woman smiled a big smile, “You can call me Love.”
 
The woman then took the child’s hands in hers compassionately remembering she is so much more than what happens to her.
 
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
 “It’s all about pie, honey!” is a blog series provided by Walking Inside Resources Inc. and dedicated to explore various emotional concepts in a pi setting. “MindFlick” is copyrighted to this company.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Author, and Authentic Speaker. You can reach me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

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HOW DO YOU HANDLE YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

IMAGINE…You just got the key to a brand new home. No one has ever lived in it before! There does not seem to be any visible scratches on the soft painted walls or the darker hardwood floors. Smiling to yourself, you say, “I’m in!”
 
Five years go by. By now, you start noticing hard-to-pick-up spice crumbs in hard-to-reach cupboard corners, but you let it be. The high electric bill (lots of drafts it seems) is not what you had anticipated either. You start complaining about the cost of living there, but you keep staying. As you often say,‘This is what I know, this is my home.’
 
Ten more years go by. You are now sitting on the couch and take a quickly depressing look around. The grass outside needs to be mowed, but you cannot seem to be bothered, not yet. Why? Because you deeply believe it is not at this critical stage yet where action must be taken or else. So you keep letting it be, as you often think to yourself, “Naaa, it’s gonna be fine”.
 
Twenty more years or more elapse and, holly molly, you might now have deep bags under your eyes and massively look defeated. This house is not what you thought it would be! The roof has leaks and you noticed the other day that some beams in the basement are weaker than expected. It seems like your once-upon-a-time beloved home is not quite so homey anymore. “How can anyone blame me,” you say, “when even the existing plumbing cannot seem to process properly all the shit?”
 
I do not have to imagine that kind of home for me. This used to be my life.
 
When it comes to you, 

What do you do? 

 
Do you sell ‘as is’ and risk the chance of getting a crappy price for the house?
 
Do you angrily move out and go rent somewhere else?
 
Do you start massive home renovations to fix the core issues one by one?
 
 
It is my belief,

How we each deal with this home

is highly related to

how we deal with the relationship we have with our own self.

 
Why?
 
I believe that,
 

When we are born, 

we are the first person to occupy our brand new body:

no one has ever lived in it before us. 

 
Like me, smiling, you might have expressed, “I’m in!” as you grabbed the key to your heart.
 
However, when we are young, we have many needs and many of us massively look up to our parents to effectively answer these needs.
 

But if our parents did not do their internal renovations diligently, 

they have most likely dropped spicy crumbs of conditioning 

all over the cupboards in our mind. 

 
At least, this is what has happened to me.
 
Now, depending on how loved and cherished we were as a child, we might be more or less disconnected from our own sense of self, hence the “lots of emotional drafts” and the “high electric bill”… especially from highly needy and co-dependent people… just like I used to be in the past.
 
In teenage years, it is my belief we also often take depressing looks around. We know somewhere in us that we need to take better care of our self, but often, we cannot be bothered too much… unless someone close to us starts being agitated and then we might take some action mostly to shut them up. This is what I used to do anyway.
 
When adulthood enters the promises, I believe, like me in the past, many might feel defeated. I often asked myself,
 

“Is this what my life is supposed to be?”…….

 
Let me ask you,
 
A this point in your life right now…
 

  • Do you show your real self to others, the ‘as is’? By this I mean, do you show the good, ‘bad’, and perhaps the ‘ugly’ in you? Before you adamantly say ‘yes’, you might want to reconsider the last time you went on a date… How much did you try to impress or please the other person?….

  • Do you ignore your shit and go ‘renting’ from relationship to relationship?…. 

  • Are you still hoping someone will ‘buy’ your shit and ‘fix’ it for you?….

  • Do you now realize you are the common denominator with everything that is happening in your life?…. 

 
And if you believe that ‘time heals all wounds’, think about the last house you have owned…. Did any of its issues magically disappear without you, the owner, doing something conscious about it? 
 
I don’t know about you, but for me,
 

The price I have paid for my ignorance is high.

This is why I am dealing massively with my own internal crap; I have a mentor I see every week for 90 minutes.
 

How do you handle your relationship in your own home? 

 
With Kindness & Compassion,
Anne
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu. I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach whom you can reach at anne@walkinginside.com
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 
 

Categories
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“SOMETHING PROFOUND HAPPENED, IT'S CHANGING MY LIFE”

This blog is highly personal. This Christmas Day, mid-afternoon, I was on my bed crying, physically unable to get back up.
 
It ‘all’ started on December 24; I get a phone call from my sister, she wants to wish me a merry Christmas. I am happy to hear from her; I have little contact with my bio family. I stop stuffing the turkey and walk into my bedroom where we can talk quietly.
 
She says my latest chapter book is creating waves in the family. She says my youngest brother, the one who almost died of a heart attack, the one I spent all last year mending my relationship with, has apparently decided to block me. Not believing her, I quickly go onto Facebook and realize he is ‘gone’.
 
After the phone call, I come back to the kitchen and decide to give myself, the kids, and our friends our best Christmas ever. I put my suffering aside.
 
As I am peeling potatoes, my daughter Elena comes standing beside me, “Maman, is everything okay? You look sad.”
 
In the past, I would have lied to her, I would have pretended all is well. Since I am done doing this kind of shit, I share with her where I am at.
 
She listens without a word, then asks,
 

“What’s the purpose of the call? Why you? Why now?”

 
I say I do not know. I go back to making gravy.
 
That Christmas Eve dinner turned out to be the best I have ever hosted. Every single one of my children and guest have agreed, unanimously, this was the best meal I have ever served in their life.
 
As I laid in bed at 3:30 am, I thought again of my sister’s words and the tears started rolling down my face. I was acutely aware that, once again, like so many years alike, I was crying once more on Christmas morning…
 
Later that day, everyone leaves (they had all crashed over). I look at my apartment. The success of the party is evident… food scattered everywhere… empty wine glasses… random blankets and pillows… tons of dirty dishes… I look at it all and smile faintly. Cleaning is going to take a while…
 
Instead of getting busy right away, I go and sit on my bed. I allow myself to feel my pain. I burst into tears.
 
I have done enough personal development work in my life to know the difference between ego wound and real sorrow.
 
So I asked myself,
 

“What is it that I truly need to feel here? What is this truly about?”

 
I hear the ‘weirdest’ thing ever, “I am a physical orphan”
 
As I let this fundamental truth – that we are physically born alone and die alone – sink into my physical body, I cannot hold it. The moment I felt this truth for myself, my hip flexors jammed. The psoas muscles, the ones what wrap around our spine and pelvis, jammed, and the next thing I knew, something touched the sciatic nerve and I ‘froze’ on the spot, howling in pain.
 
Everything became like a blur, I did not know anymore what was physical pain and what was suffering. I felt like I was on fire.
 
A darker part of me surfaces, “Look at you, the ‘great’ Anne, you’ve done all this work, and still… you can’t even get off your own bed!”
 
I can feel my muscles tightening, the physical pain increasing, I am listening to that voice, shit! I knew I was becoming small.
 
Every lesson my mentor Dov Baron has been teaching me for the last three years came into play.
 
I told myself,
 

“I don’t have to stay like this, I HAVE A CHOICE, I ALWAYS have a choice!!!” 

 
I asked myself,

“where is she, my little girl, my connection to myself?”

 
 
…and here she came, holding both my hands, standing beside me.
 

Instead of asking her what she could do for me, 

like I had done countless of times before,

I asked myself,

with every ounce of flowing love I have for me, 

“What do you need right now?”

 
She answered, “breathe, breathe bubbles of air into your back” and I heard giggles inside of me.
 
I chuckled, I was unsure what that meant, but I did my best to visualize my back and infuse mindful bubbles of air into it.
 
I felt something shifting a fraction of a hair. That something, it was enough to stop touching the sciatic nerve.
 
I take a few more deep breaths, I feel the pain stabilizing. I decide to get up.
 
It took me quite a few minutes to just stand. There were tears, many ouches , and quite a few swear words.
 
Smiling at my progress, I asked again,
 

“What do you need right now?” 

 
The little girl inside answered, “I’m hungry! I am soooo hungry!!!”
 
In that moment, I realized I was famished.
 
I slowly walk to the kitchen and cook myself a homemade turkey vegetables soup with toasted bread.
 
Eating my food, I became deeply aware that I had gone from being physically crippled on my bed to choosing to love me above all physical people, situations, and things. I believe this is my Christmas miracle, my true love gift to me. 
 
Sitting in front of my mentor on Tuesday, I had not seen him for the last three weeks, I start sharing this story by saying, “Something profound happened, and it’s changing my life”. Dov nodded gravely and with deep kindness in his eyes listens with an open heart.
 
From this experience, what I am realizing deeper than ever before is,
 

All that happens to us is a lesson to

Awaken our own love into us. 

We are all miracles of creation, worthy of a great love, 

starting with our own self.

 
With gratitude,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

Categories
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THE FACE OF ANGER, WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY IS IT?

The next thing I know, I hear Lucky’s barking and snapping snarls in the driveway. I hear with him the soft whimpering of the little black and white Shih Tzu I am babysitting. Shit!!! I run outside. 
In the driveway is the next door neighbour’s German Shepard. He and Lucky are going at each other’s throat. The little Shih Tzu is laying on her side, her chest labouring to breathe. Patches of blood are staining the snow.
 
I start screaming, running over to separate them. Hearing me, the Shepard’s owner comes running down from his house. Bigger than me, he yanks his dog off Lucky. Sharp words are exchanged; I believe the word ‘police’ was mentioned. Both of us are furious! Both of us likely want to be right.
 

How does blind anger impart responsibility properly?

 
The little Shih Tzu has a couple of scratches. Lucky has bite marks on his neck; his fur is matted with blood. This event happened 8 Christmases ago. 
 
That day, I did not call the police. Why? Somehow I did not believe it was solely the Shepard’s doing.
 

When someone strikes in violence, whose responsibility is it?

I believe both I and the Shepard’s owner, the parents of our dogs, are each fundamentally responsible for our dog’s behaviours.
 
Why?
 
Let’s see… Back then, Lucky was kind of a renegade dog… As soon as my back was turned, he dug a hole under the fence and escaped… he chased rabbits and ran visits in the neighbourhood… One time, I chased him one hour through the forest before I managed to catch him. This is how much my dog wanted to be with me…
 
I can see why now. I was going through a gruelling divorce and had very little quality time to give him. I was consumed by anger and grief; I was barely eating and often cried myself to sleep. I believe this is a lot of emotions to process for a young dog or child…
 
I now also believe Lucky escaped to the places he thought he might get the love and attention he so desperately wanted from me. Sounds familiar?
 

Our children are our responsibility to consciously love and nurture

into adulthood. 

When a child feels ignored, neglected or abandoned, 

they might turn to the outside world for love and attention.

Over time, 

they might strike out in blind anger, also known as rage.

Think about it for a moment….

 
I treated my dog the same way I had been massively treated as a child. I mostly ignored his pleas to play or be loved; I gave him attention when I was ‘in the mood’ or ‘ready’. I have three children too… What did that say about me?
 
As for the German Shepard, his owner worked long hours. To ‘help’ his dog pass time, he had built him a chained-link playpen in his backyard. The Shepard spent most of his days alone, perhaps waiting, trapped in his ‘golden’ cage.
 

Maybe we act up in life because we want to feel loved, wanted, and validated.

Maybe we act up in reaction of long past events  

that may have nothing to do with the current situation at play.

 
I believe my dog somehow knew the Shepard was stuck, for he often peed all over the Shepard’s yard, marking ‘his’ territory as they say. Dogs will be dogs, right?
 

Now can you imagine…

how anyone feeling stuck… may react when they feel overpowered?

 
I believe they will most likely jump at each other’s throat, ‘just’ like dogs.
 
This is certainly what I did to my next door neighbour that day…
 
So let me ask you,
 

How many times have you lashed out in blind anger?

 
I don’t know about you, but I have found out that
 

Violence never imparts responsibility properly.

 
For Lucky, it has taken eight years to get over his blind anger towards German Shepards. Every time we saw one playing in the park or quietly sleeping at their master’s feet, Lucky blindly struck at them, ALL OF THEM!
 
Today, though, 8 Christmases later, a ‘miracle’ has happened!
 
On a park bench was sitting a young Asian woman holding the leash of a young German Shepard quietly sitting at her feet.
 
I noticed Lucky looking with curiosity at the dog. I noticed myself doing the same thing too. The ‘incredible’ happened, Lucky walked over, wagging his tail, and rubbed his face against the Shepard’s face. The Shepard, in response, pawed the ground wanting to play. I took this picture of them together.
 
It is my belief my dog is changing, not because he is older (he is 14 now), but because
 

I am changing:

I am no longer willing to blame others for my current situation in my life.

I am willing to examine each situation with the fresh eyes of compassion. 

 
I believe my dog is picking up this different vibe from me and is acting intuitively on it.
 
Now I agree it is easier said than done to become more compassionate, especially in the face of anger. In my case, this is why I have a mentor who assists me in learning how to take 100% responsibility for everything I do.
 
When it comes to you,
 
Who do you have to assist you in imparting responsibility properly?
 
My name is Anne and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach. You can reach me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With Compassion,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com