THAT MOMENT… when you are so pissed off … that the temperature in the room drops by at least ten degrees …
In that room, you quickly turn your back on your loved one… wanting to make a “solid” point.
Because you are feeling angry and hurt, you become silent … your body and mind showing rejection …
THAT MOMENT …
we all know … the silent treatment game has begun.
Ego or Heart?
Are you like me? One of the things I used to crave most in my life was to have people love and validate me.
Full of expectations, I then looked into another person’s eyes, wanting to please them more than anything else in the world.
Ask anyone! I would have done anything for my life partner and my three children. I wanted to see them happy and thriving on my love. Do you want to see your loved ones happy and thriving on your love?
However, my loving mindset changed immediately the moment I believed my loved ones did something wrong. For example, my life partner failed to return my phone call on time, or one of my kids went to a friend’s house without telling me first.
THAT MOMENT … Didn’t they get that I was there to rule their world, so we all lived happily ever after?
No! In THAT MOMENT, it seemed they had missed my loving memo. Again!
Falsely believing that my loved one had betrayed me, I felt more like a Cinderella sweeping chimneys than a beloved queen. THAT MOMENT … Someone had to pay! And I knew just how to exercise payment. I was a master at the silent treatment game. What about you?
During the silent treatment game, I looked at my loved ones with angry eyes without verbally expressing a single word. Furthermore, my ego liked watching them tiptoe around me in fear.
If anyone had asked me what I was doing in THAT MOMENT … Of course, I was being loving! Can you relate?
What does playing the silent treatment game say about us?
It has taken years of therapy to realize what the silent treatment game has done to me and my loved ones. I got divorced. My kids got angry and resentful. I lost myself completely.
Here are some more of my findings:
- Silent treatment demonstrates a high level of rejection for everyone playing the game… including ourselves! By not acknowledging someone’s presence, we portray to them that they do not exist in our eyes. By ignoring our own feelings and emotions, by default, we stop existing in our eyes as well. Seriously, how loving is that?
- Silent treatment is used to prove there is something deeply wrong with the other person. If you believe you are right (what the silent treatment implies), then the other person might end up highly doubting themselves to the point where they falsely believe that there is something wrong with them (especially if you are a master at the game). The silent treatment game resolves nothing in a loving way because it perpetuates wounds.
- Silent treatment is a form of emotional shut-down. Unable to handle our own feelings and emotions in THAT MOMENT, we are the ones who are actually emotionally shutting down by blaming the other person for their “lack” of understanding. How hypocritical is that?
Having said that …
Here are four (4) easy steps to stop playing the silent treatment game:
Question your intent. You can only control yourself, your own feelings and your own emotions. If you agree to play the silent treatment game, what is yet to be resolved within you that you accept to treat others (and yourself) like less than a full feeling human being deserving compassion?
Go within. When you’re about to enter THAT MOMENT, ask yourself, ‘What can I do right now to remain emotionally connected to myself and the person while feeling angry and hurt?’ For example, hugging a loved one while feeling hurt is a MATURE way to separate the loved one from their unwanted behaviours. Same goes for us.
Make it safe. Have compassion for yourself and your loved ones. Maybe someone pissed in your life’s partner coffee cup that he could not return that phone call. Maybe your child was just being a child when they went to their friend’s house without telling you first. Realize that the real issues here have everything to do with our perceptions.
Stop playing the silent treatment game. Enough already.
I trust you have found value in this article. If you are truly determined to build a loving, healthy relationship with yourself and your loved ones, I can assist you.
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an emotional intelligence coach serving women who are sick and tired of the silent treatment game and want to experience something different in their life.
Connect with me at https://walkinginside.com/contact-us/
With love & compassion,