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HOW TO ELIMINATE A OO7 DOUBLE LIFE

When James* called upon me, he asked that we meet in an open restaurant downtown Vancouver. Asking him why there instead of my office, he laughed and said, ‘Because I need it this way.’ 
 
On the agreed upon date and time of rendez-vous, James sat down in front of me and immediately placed his hands under the table where I could Not see them. This gesture alone told me a lot about James, how easily he pretended to be emotionally open yet felt the want to hide once in front of me.
 
Through my talking with him, I found out James was one of nine children from a very large Catholic South American family. He grew up being an altar boy, going to Sunday school, and saying prayers. But something was Not working for him… In his teenage years, he realized he was gay and being gay is apparently something deemed unacceptable in his family and culture.
 
 

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt rejected for what you are?

 
 
James moved to Vancouver, found a job, and said he met the ‘love of his life’, whom he married a couple of years later. Though saying he is happily married, James had two Facebook accounts, one ‘straight’ and one gay, to ‘spare’ the family as he said. Looking down, he confessed few people (if any) where he came from knew he was even married.
 
 

Can you imagine what it feels like to hide things from the people you love? 

 
 
In tears, James said he needed to come out of the closet as a gay and this is why he was coming to see me. He felt he could Not do it alone, he said this was too much for him to face alone.
 

 
I asked…
 
 

In a perfect world, what would your life be like right now?

 
 
Jame’s face brightened. He shared how he would only have one Facebook account and one Instagram account. He laughed saying he would show pictures from the ‘crazy’ adventures he and his husband have been on, their food expeditions, their vacations together, even their honeymoon trip…
 
I asked James if he truly loved his husband. Without hesitation he answered choking up, “Are you kidding me? He is the best thing that has ever happened to me!”
 
I replied,
 
 

When we truly love someone, including ourselves, do we hide who we are?

 
 
James burst into tears. He did Not seem to care anymore whether the waiter or other patrons saw him crying; his shoulders were heaving up and down with heavy sobs. Then he took a deep breath, clenched his teeth, and said, “I deserve better! My husband deserves better! I am coming out!” I was impressed by this fiery determination.
 
That day, he went home with homework to do. Over the next seven days, he had to call every member of his family, his eight siblings and two parents, and tell each one of them he was gay. His framework looked something like ‘I am calling to share something important to me. I am gay. Being gay is a part of me, it is Not all of me. I love you.”
 
 

Have you ever had to stand up for what you believe in? How easy was it?

 
 
At our next coaching session, James sat down with his journal open. Where he had drawn ten little people with their name on top of each, three of them were still left unmarked by an ‘X’ signifying ‘the job is done’ and they knew he was gay.
 
I open directly,
 
 

What happened to you missing your goal?

 
James grabbed his journal with both hands. He mumbled how he was Not truly close to the only sibling left on the list as this person had once sexually assaulted him when he was a kid… He also said how many of his siblings were now sending him harassment messages telling him he was ‘wrong’, going to ‘hell, and ‘Don’t tell mom and dad! They’re too old and mom’s depression is too bad!’
 
Like so many, James was caught once more living a double life, living in the background of his own life while trying to get ‘approval’ from others, especially from members of his family.
 
 

Whose approval is most important to you to be happy?

 
I pointed to the top of the page where all his little people drawings were and I asked him to write down a story title expressing what his goal is. His pen almost pierced the paper as he wrote in capital letters at the top,
 

“I AM COMING OUT!”

 
 
Let me ask you…
 

Why do we become untruthful?

Why do we pursue lies?

 
 
I believe the answer is, because we think it will be better.
 
Is it though? How was James’ constant lying about being gay going to advance his goal of coming out of the closet?
 
Clearly, denying our truth does Not work.
 
With this in mind…
 

How do things become better?

 

I believe, things become better when we focus on 

  • becoming truthful. ‘What is my truth?’

  • becoming intentional. ‘What can I do right now to uphold my truth?’

  • becoming accountable. ‘What can I do to hold myself accountable so I live my truth?

 
I could certainly relate to James. When I got married, I did not tell my then husband about the way I grew up, the level of violence. I thought he would ‘love’ me more if I buried what had happened to me as a child. Can you relate? My life changed for the better when I became truthful, intentional, and accountable.
 
 

Here are some rock solid tips to assist you who may suffer from ‘007 Double Life  Syndrome’:

Once you have identified what your truth is, whether it is to come of the closet as gay or lesbian, leave an unhappy marriage, change jobs, or …
 

  • Make a list of who needs to know. When we make the decision to come out with our truth, often, we tend to believe everyone ‘must’ know all at once. Spare yourself feeling overwhelmed, work in stages.

  • Come up with an on point message telling your truth. Keep it short. Keep it sweet. Keep it to the point. Understand there is plenty of time later to go into the ‘Why did this happen?’ if you ever chose to.

  • Have an accountability system/person in place. Though many of us say we ‘know’ what we need to do in order to be happy, many of us end up losing our nerve when the stakes are deemed high.Therefore, having someone on your team who is Not emotionally attached to your situation allows for actions with a greater sense of clarity.

 
 
Now imagine somebody has just read these tips…
 

What do you believe will be their greatest challenge?

 
Before James came to see me, he had all the best intentions in the world, BUT he lacked a solid accountability system. This is why as soon as he went into ‘What will they think of me?’ he lost his nerve of telling his truth to his family.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who holds her clients highly accountable so they get to live their truth openly, and like James, get to come out at the top of their story page.
 
For coaching inquiries, reach out to me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
Your Emotional Intelligence Coach,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

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ROUND AND ROUND

ROUND AND ROUND
 
Round and round
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life.
Ups and downs,
We think that’s life
Until we get off our mount.
 
Round and round
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life.
Laughter and tears
We think we’re here
Until we go deep within.
 
In and in
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life,
Darkness and light
Fuse into one
Until we go round and round.
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
What makes any of us go round and round in circles?
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
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acceptance Accountability Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Commitment Compassion Confidence Conscience Courage Curiosity Emotional Intelligence Empathy Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Friendship Gratefulness Happiness Hope Imagination Inner Child Inner Peace Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Peace Reality Relationship Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Space Tolerance WalkingInside

HOW FAR AM I WILLING TO GO?

HOW FAR AM I WILLING TO GO?
 
Am I willing to go beyond the stars
Where you and I were born
Where the sun befriends the moon
Where rainbows bridge us all?
 
Am I willing to go further than the eye can see
Where trees plant their roots
Where flowers drop their seeds
Where leaves take in the colours of seasons?
 
Am I willing to go deeper than the ocean floor
Where all the river beds make one
Where the illusion of division is triumphed over
Where we all feel as one?
 
How far am I willing to go?
 
I am willing to go
At the centre of myself
Where I hear it all begins
The point of origin
That unites us all.
 
I am willing to go
Where ‘broken’ lines disappear
Where there is no you or me
Where there is only a we.
 
I am willing to go
Where love is no more a concept
Where love becomes fully being
Where love is visible in all.
 
If ever I think I have reached this place
Where I hear it all begins
Ask me again
‘How far am I willing to go?’
And I will come back to
Being in the here and now
Until we all feel that we belong.
 
With Compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
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acceptance Accountability Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Confidence Conscience Courage Curiosity Emotional Intelligence Empathy Enabling Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Friendship Gratefulness Happiness Hope Ignorance Imagination Inner Child Inner Peace Insanity Intellect Intent Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Patience Peace Racism Reality Relationship Sadness Sanity Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Settling Shame Social Awareness Space Success Tolerance Trust WalkingInside

I — USED TO THINK

I — USED TO THINK
 
I used to think
A tree was just a tree
I saw it with my own mind
Roots, trunk, branches, leaves.
 
I used to think
You were different than me
I saw it with my own mind
Bodies, fences, judgement, fear.
 
Thanks to my mentor, I met me
For a moment, I stopped thinking,
In stillness, my mind cracked open
Discovering sunshine cooling breeze within.
 
How refreshing
To hear inside the giggles of a small child
Who never thought we were separate
Who’s always known we all belong.
 
Because of my love for this child and me
The lines in my mind are becoming blurry
If there is nothing separating you from me
Then, who am I? What are we?
 
Willing to know, I ask her to show me the way
How I may serve her from a place of integrity
Laughing, she is showing a world full of wonders
Where roots and bodies, you and me,
Are merging into, this or something greater,
Then… I used to think.
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
 
To know more about Soul Leadership: www.fullmontyleadership.com
 
P.S. With this post, I am including more forms and patterns I have seen when opening up pictures. This time, I am not showing the pictures they may have originated from because I want you to imagine what can possibly give rise to …
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AWAKENING

AWAKENING
 
I awoke in the middle of the night,
Frightened and scared,
Thinking I was alone.
I looked around the bedroom,
Stillness and shadows greeting me.
What an unfamiliar sight, I thought to myself,
To be alone with one’s thoughts,
To be shyly greeting one’s feelings.
 
Out of habit,
I called out a name,
Thinking you would come,
But the echo came back empty.
I did not yet understand,
Love is neither a name or a game,
It is a flowing feeling,
Like waves, rising and falling,
Amidst our own waters.
 
Thinking I knew better,
I turned my bed into a raft,
I paddled day and night,
Still hoping to find you,
Afloat on another raft nearby.
 
Feeling more lost than ever,
I finally stopped doing this crazy thing,
And started instead to
Listen to the wind
Who has always known my name.
 
It said,
“Dive,
Dive deep within,
For the one you are looking for,
The Beloved,
Is awaiting.”
 
I told the Wind,
“I am no Mermaid,
To flag my tale under water.”
And the Wind softly replied,
“Trust and Have Faith,
Within you is always the Way.”
 
So I took a majestic dive
Perhaps the way Dolphins do?
Feeling my own breathing
Echoing back to me
The beauty of universes within.
 
I now use my raft as a diving board,
In whatever room I find myself in,
I remember Ocean Waves belong
To the One
Awakened in the middle of the night.
 
With Deep Gratitude,
Anne
 
Dov Baron, thank you for being the Wind speaking softly to me, I am grateful
 
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
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HOW TO GET THROUGH “HE’S NOT THAT INTO YOU”

I look at him, a playful grin on my face. I am laying on the bed, watching him as he enters the bedroom. “Did you miss me?” he asks casually. As I pull him towards me, I whisper, “Let me show you…”
 
We have all been in this kind of situation…. where we have believed we were in ‘love’ and ‘all’ that mattered was ‘being’ together, right?
 
… Until the dreadful moment where we realize…
 

“What the hell did I get myself into?”

 
 
In the past, I have had my share of this kind of realizations. Feeling squeezed, I wondered,
 

 “What is wrong? Why isn’t he that into me?”

 
 
I thought… it all started ‘great’… We locked eyes across the room and felt a strong physical attraction towards one another.
 
Can you relate?
 
… And before we took the time to really know each other, there we were, showing how much we had missed each other by having sex.
 
 

Is sex automatically synonymous of intimacy?

 
 
I was so eager to have a relationship that I did not know how to be in a relationship.
 
Sounds familiar?
 
Before long, I started noticing his,“Hey, my battery’s about to die, gotta go, ok? Love ya though!”
 
This type of behaviour from him surfaced especially when I wanted to talk about our lack of spending time together…
 
 

Is spending time together automatically synonymous of intimacy?

 
To my increasingly ignored hurt feelings, he answered things like, “You’re harshing my mellow right now!” before storming out of the door, leaving me feeling even more unwanted, unloved, and undesired.
 
It is in moments like these that I have said,
 

“What the hell did I get myself into?”

 
 
 
It has taken me many years of mentoring (I was stubborn) to deeply realize that,
 
 

Like attracts like. 

 
Go back. Read it again.
 
 

A toxic relationship is based on two individuals having the 

SAME primary wound, but

DIFFERENT coping mechanisms.

 
Look at it as a magnet… The magnet is the toxic relationship wound and each end is one person’s coping mechanisms (+ or -). A + could be confrontational, a – could be withdrawal…
 
 

Now, what is your primary wound? 

 
My primary wound is the shame of existence. I grew up in a household where my father treated me like chattel, ‘do as I say or else!’ I had to blindly obey, no matter what I felt. I mainly felt unseen, unheard, unloved. This is why in the past I became attracted to men who treated me like chattel, who did not see me for who I truly am, who did not believe my needs, feelings, and emotions mattered.
 
Is it any surprise to you now that I attracted men who were not that into me?
 
What about you?
 
Let’s take it deeper…
 

What is the greatest form of intimacy?

 
 
I have come to deeply believe,
 

The greatest form of intimacy is, vulnerability by authenticity.

 
 
Go back. Read it again.
 
 
What does this mean, you may ask?
 

Intimacy is, 

 

Being vulnerable with our own self 

by discovering who we are at the core of our being.

 

It is the greatest form of self-love.

 
 
Think about it… If we start discovering who we truly are… where our past hurt comes from… and do somethings to heal our self… What do you believe happens to toxic relationships?
 
I strongly believe,
 

Toxic relationships then become a thing of the past.

 
 
For example, I often get propositioned by men who approach me with seemingly hungry eyes as they say, “I love how deeply connected you are to yourself, it’s sexy as fuck…” 
 
Their dry hunger I perceive, this kind of self-starving self-love, puts me off so much that I energetically close the door on them.
 
Why?
 

With self-discovery comes discernment! 

 
 
When we have discernment, we feel what works for us, we feel gradually into situations or possible relationships. There is no more denying, no more giving in to just blind physical attraction alone, we become clear!
 
 

How do we become intimate with our self?

 

  • Spend time alone. Ask yourself, ‘What do I need right now?’ and ‘What do I really want in my life?’ Act rightfully upon these answers. Build compassion for your self.

 

  • Build strong emotional boundaries. I know, it is easy to say and hard to do, especially for many of us who spend more time stating what they do not want rather than deeply feeling knowing what they do want.

 

But for people like you and me who are deeply committed to their healing,

 

  • Hire an emotional intelligence coach or mentor. We all have blind spots and unless conditioning is transcended, guess what? It will keep running the show under, “What the hell did I get myself into?”

 
Now, I am so deeply into-me-see (intimacy) that I am becoming a different kind of magnet, a magnet who attracts people like me, getting intimately connected with their own self.
 

Like attracts like, remember?

 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Authentic Speaker, and Bestselling Author. I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

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WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE TO SAY, “IT’S NOT WORK ANYMORE”

I have just spent the last 90 minutes with my mentor Dov Baron. As he leads me to the elevator, he asks me,
 
“What are you doing tonight?”
 
I pause and answer, “There’s this blog I want to finish writing after my walk, but that’s not work, it’s not work anymore”
 
Dov looks at me with a smile on his face, his face soft, a nod of acknowledgement following my revelation.
 
I walk outside and I think about what I had just said, “It’s not work anymore”. The more I am pondering, the more I am coming to the following realization…
 
When the concierge in my building made a comment again that he had seen me late ‘at work’ again, I paused, unsure what to say. I mean, how do we explain to someone that writing is my passion and it is not work for me anymore?
 
When a friend called and asked, “Hey, what are you working on right now?” I caught myself pausing, unsure what to answer again. Working on a speaking presentation, making workshops proposals, coaching clients… well… that’s not work anymore either.
 

So, what has been happening?

 
I grew up in a very blue collar community, where most people never attend college after high school if they finish high school at all. In this environment, I developed specific ideas about work and they are not pretty…
 

Work is something like

  • “a job with a minimum of 40 hours at minimum wage and shitty benefits”

  • “a job where my boss irritates me and my co-workers are so-so”

  • “a job where I am ‘chained’ to a desk doing ‘chores’ I do not wish to do”

 
 
Sounds terrible, doesn’t it?
 
And yet, this is how many people, including the old me, view work, as some kind of slave ogre master taking away the freedom of little children…
 

Can you relate?

 
Wanting to know more about ‘work’, I check into my French etymology dictionary to see where the hell did my parents get their ideas of work from…
 
Turns out,
 

travailler, travail’ (to work, work), as early as the 12th century, 

means ‘torment, suffering’.

 
 
SAY WHAT!
 
From the 16th century on,
 

‘travailler’ starts taking its modern meaning: 

“to give our self misery for”.

 
SOOOOOOOO……..
 
If I get this straight… the French went from being a victim of work to victimizing themselves about work?
 

What kind evolution progress is this???

 
Maybe the English know to suffer less than the French?
 
Turns out,
 

“work” comes from 

the Old English woerc

Germanic wyrcan

Dutch werk

and German werk

 
The irony does not escape me… the English have had to check the core meaning of work across four nations? O_O
 
Guess what?
 

Work in English, just like work in French, 

are both derived from the latin trepaliare

which means to torture, to inflict suffering or agony. 

 
 
Insight of this,
 
 

WHO THE HELL WANTS TO WORK?!!!

 
 
Maybe, the Chinese can enlighten a little?…
 
In Chinese Mandarin,
 
Work translates into 工作 (gongzuo)
 

工 (gong)

means worker, the working class BUT it also has the meaning of skill, craftsmanship, to be versed in, to be good at
 

作 (zuo)

means to rise, to grow, to write, to compose, writings (as in ‘the works’)
 
 
Therefore, for the Chinese,
 

工作 (gongzuo) means to develop one’s craftsmanship 

so one can rise and grow?

 
 
SOUNDS LIKE PASSION TO ME!
 
This is just it!
 
I love what I do! I love speaking, coaching, and blogging! These ‘activities’ are not work anymore, they are vehicles for passion, bringing more compassion into our world.
 
When I used to believe that work was work, I had very little compassion for myself. I mainly came from a place of duty and obligation. I was very much a victim of my own closed-minded upbringing.
 
Once I started developing compassion for myself, my ‘work’ became less about work and more about passion, a rising and growing flame that  keeps burning bright inside my heart.
 
Do I have my moments when some of the stuff I need to do feels like work? Yes. Bookkeeping is such a thing for me. This is why I have contracted this work out, so I can keep focusing on Compassion, my Burning Passion inside of me.
 
SOUNDS MIGHTY FULFILLING!
 
Therefore, if work is still work for you, perhaps it is high time you hire an Emotional Intelligence Coach or Mentor.
Why?
 

Because if you knew how to turn your work into passion,

you would already be living it right now….

.
.
.
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach and a Work Myth Buster. Contact me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With Compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

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WHAT IS SERVED BY BEING A BIG FISH IN A SMALL POND?

Three years ago, I was asked a similar version of this question by my future mentor Dov Baron. He phrased it as something like, “Who are you hurting by playing small?”
 
When I first heard his question, sitting in the audience among hundreds of others, I immediately told him to fuck off… in my head of course.
 
I started feeling agitated inside, angrily pondering, “Who is he to ask me such a question? After all I have been through in my life!”
 
Back then, I was very much a victim and, like all victims, I might not have noticed I was playing small out of fear.
 
Which brings me now to this incident yesterday…
 
I have been actively doing lane swimming for the last three weeks after almost a ten years absence from the pool. Jumping into the water, I had ‘forgotten’ how cold it is at first. I had also ‘forgotten’ how much effort it takes to kick, and how much air we need to keep a swimming rhythm going…
 
I felt out of breath… I swallowed a lot of bile… but I still keep swimming, having faith to become a better swimmer and change lane one day.
 
This week at the pool, I notice a ‘strange’ phenomenon. I am watching this guy, this middle-aged man…
 
When I get to the water, there are about 7 swimmers in the slow lane, including him and I.
 
I notice he waits a solid 15-20m before he starts swimming after the person in front of him. This is a 50m pool. I think to myself, “He is so generous! How compassionate of him to leave so much space between swimmers!”
 
My eyes grow bigger as I watch him then zoom across the water and  pass the swimmer in front of him in the last 10m or so. I think to myself, “WTF! What kind of person does this?”
 
I stand on the ledge watching him swim back towards me. As per his ‘usual’, he passes every swimmer along his path. He even seems to claim the middle black line in the lane as ‘his own’.
 
He touches the ledge and decides to just stand there. I watch every arriving swimmer do a turn around him.
 

“Really?”, I wondered, “is this person for real?”

 
 
As he seems to catch his breath, I seize the opportunity to quickly start swimming. Maybe this time will be different?
 
No, it is not. By the time I arrive at the flags (10m before finish line), he passes me and I choke on water from the wave he creates. I stop swimming and walk the rest of the way.
 
He looks at me, unfazed. He smiles, “Good morning!”
 
I seize him up. “Good morning.”
 
He smiles a bigger smile. “Please! Ladies first! I am not that good of a swimmer! I am quite slow actually!” He chuckles.
 
I look at him coldly, “Is that so? You could have fooled me!”
 
He pretends not to notice my anger. “I really do not want to go right now, I am catching my breath. Go! Please! Ladies First!”
 
I think to myself,

“Am I making all this shit up?”

 
I start swimming. In the last ten meters….
 
Now I am pissed off. All I want to say to him is “What the hell is wrong with you?” As soon as I think it, I stop. Why?
 
Because I now know that,
 

Every time I make someone their behaviour, 

I am triggered and becoming the Wound myself…

 
So I asked myself, “Who does he remind me of?”
 
The Wound howled back, “Meeee!”
 
I used to ‘love’ being a big fish in a small pond. This is why I was so triggered three years ago when Dov Baron asked the question, “Who are you hurting by playing small?”
 
Let me ask you,
 

If you are living into your potential,

would you be offended if questioned on it? 

 
For me, the answer is no, but back then it was…. 
 
Having said this,
 

What is served by being a big fish in a small pond?

 
I believe FALSE PRIDE is served.
 

  • I flaunted my skills in front of people who might be less skillful than me… just like this man overpowering every swimmer in our lane that day. What does flaunting skills without discernment say about us? 

  • I pretended to be nice while screwing people in the back…. just like this man who smiled at me and so politely told me, “Ladies first! I am not that good of a swimmer!” What does fake compassion say about us? 

  • I got to think I was ‘better’ than I truly was in reality…. just like this man who might actually get his ass kicked in the middle or fast lanes. What does being full of ourselves say about us?

 
Now, when you think about what I have just shared,
 

What is served by being a big fish in a small pond?

 
And
 

“Who are you hurting by playing small?”

 
You be the judge.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who assists her clients in becoming expert swimmer in bigger ponds. I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

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WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR FEEDBACK LIKE THIS?

“I still remember our first conversation at Starbucks during my depression. I was in total self-denial that I am as dull as a stone. You stayed with me and told me that I am beautiful. It was you who hold the bigger vision for me and believe in my greatness. Thank you for loving me even when I was not able to do so. Thank you for seeing me as a valuable gem. :)”
Here is a letter one of my clients wrote to me in a Christmas card. It never ceases to amaze me the impact one can have on someone else’s life.
“Dear Anne,
Merry Christmas to you! Wow, where did the time go? We are entering 2017 already! Looking back, I am amazed at the growth in 2016, after all the hammering on my head. Sessions with you are like a treasure hunt. I look forward to search the gems and treasure with you – the gems and treasures within me. You have the magic to see them before I do. You always affirm me even when I don’t believe I have treasure within me. But I can gain some wealth in each session, as always, the journey to find the gem is not easy. How many times I chose to believe I am only a worthless stone? I still remember our first conversation at Starbucks during my depression. I was in total self-denial that I am as dull as a stone. You stayed with me and told me that I am beautiful. It was you who holds the bigger vision for me and believe in my greatness. Thank you for loving me even when I was not able to do so. Thank you for seeing me as a valuable gem. 🙂 
I am very blessed to witness your tremendous transformations and breakthrough in the past year. It was overwhelming and hope-lightening! You are very committed and disciplined, my dear. It’s like watching the circus show when the performer walks on the wire fearlessly. Your performance was amazing to us. But I know there’s countless failures, hurts, and hope-killings before you can walk on the wire with a calm heart. The inspiring part is, you keep trying regardless! You are courageous and truly fearless! I admire you being you – a lovable lady who never gives up. You are an inspiring light bulb which is busy shining her life. 
May the holiday season bring you rest, quietness, and joy, to prepare yourself for many more triumph to come!
(name)
December 2016

Categories
Accountability Awareness Emotional Boundaries Intentions Leadership Life Purpose Parenting Self Relationship Self-empowerment Self-Worth

'IT'S UP TO YOU!'

HOW MANY TIMES IN YOUR LIFE HAVE YOU HEARD THESE WORDS’? If you are like me, you have heard them many, many times. Perhaps at the time you were discussing which college to attend, which job to accept, which restaurant to go to. Or perhaps you were facing a romantic break-up or even the ending of a friendship.

Whatever the case is,

when you hear, ‘It’s up to you!’ ,

Do you grasp your life is ENTIRELY UP TO YOU?

 
Most people do not grasp this truth. Why is that?
I grew up dirt poor at the bottle neck of a dirt road. I did not have T-bone steak to eat or Guess Jeans to wear. My life was not entirely up to me because I was a kid. 

A Kid is hardly equipped to deal with adult matters

in an adult oriented world.

 
Hard-core trained to defer to authority – my father had a whip to make sure he was obeyed blindly – I became super anxious when the time came to choose which college to attend. I had not yet realized, 
 

Anxiety goes hand in hand with not grasping at a deep level our life entirely belongs to us.

 

A few more years under my belt – you would think I knew better by then –  and I found myself agonizing over what job to take. My family was full of telling… ‘Take the one with the most money!’, ‘Take the most secure job!’  Sounds familiar?
Even though I was now an adult, no one close to me tapped me on the shoulder gently saying,

‘Hey! It’s up to you! Your life entirely belongs to you!’

 

Instead, I was made feel guilty and ashamed for stepping out ‘of line’, for going against ‘the grain’. Can you relate?

Agonizing over what choices to make

is a direct result of ignoring one’s internal happiness.

 
What can I say? Some people like me are just ‘born’ stubborn, right? 
Is it any surprise to you I still had a hard time standing up for myself in my 30s and early 40s? By then deeply conditioned to please others (aka defer my life to them), when asked which restaurant to attend, I smiled nicely and pretended it (my needs) did not matter and answered with a smile that did not quite go up to my eyes, ‘Anything will do.’ 
 

Being nice is a crippling behaviour born out of putting others’ wants first.

Being nice says ‘your needs matter most than mine’.

Now why on Earth would someone think like that?

Out of conditioning, out of being trained to obey without question, 

many of us erroneously believed the lie.

I now believe, OUR LIFE BELONGS TO OUR SELF,

to Honour, Respect, and Cherish our own life,

so we are able to

Honour, Respect, and Cherish Other.

 
Let’s Recap…

  • A Kid is hardly equipped to deal with adult matters in an adult world.

 

  • Anxiety goes hand in hand with a deep desire to please others while ignoring one’s own needs. 

 

  • Agonizing over what choices to make is a direct result of ignoring one’s internal happiness. 

 

You might wonder, ‘How do I make myself a priority in my own life?’

  • Make a list of all the areas of your life that are important to you,  like Career, Family, Finances, etc…

  • Under each category, list all the sub-categories you can think of. For example, under ‘Family’, write down the name of your father, mother, siblings, sons, daughters, friends…

  • For each item, ask yourself the question, ‘Does my life entirely belongs to me with (name of person/thing) in it?

 

Any area where your life does not entirely belong to you

has most likely happened

because you have deferred (given up) your personal power

to a person(s) or thing(s).

 

Sobering thought, isn’t it? Me, it brought me to my knees once upon a time.
 
Now that you are aware your life entirely belongs to you, and the only way to deeply honour others is by deeply honouring your self first, what are you willing to do?

Regaining our personal power

is the fuel behind our passion and life purpose.

It is the wind under our wings, the sun on our face,

the sound of our uniting beating heart.

 
My name is Anne Beaulieu. I am an internationally accredited Emotional Intelligence Coach who assist men and women reclaim their personal power so they can claim their life.
I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com for a 20 minutes complimentary coaching session. 
With love & compassion,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
#emotionalintelligence #walkinginside #personalpower #individuation #anxiety #agony