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HOW TO ELIMINATE A OO7 DOUBLE LIFE

When James* called upon me, he asked that we meet in an open restaurant downtown Vancouver. Asking him why there instead of my office, he laughed and said, ‘Because I need it this way.’ 
 
On the agreed upon date and time of rendez-vous, James sat down in front of me and immediately placed his hands under the table where I could Not see them. This gesture alone told me a lot about James, how easily he pretended to be emotionally open yet felt the want to hide once in front of me.
 
Through my talking with him, I found out James was one of nine children from a very large Catholic South American family. He grew up being an altar boy, going to Sunday school, and saying prayers. But something was Not working for him… In his teenage years, he realized he was gay and being gay is apparently something deemed unacceptable in his family and culture.
 
 

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt rejected for what you are?

 
 
James moved to Vancouver, found a job, and said he met the ‘love of his life’, whom he married a couple of years later. Though saying he is happily married, James had two Facebook accounts, one ‘straight’ and one gay, to ‘spare’ the family as he said. Looking down, he confessed few people (if any) where he came from knew he was even married.
 
 

Can you imagine what it feels like to hide things from the people you love? 

 
 
In tears, James said he needed to come out of the closet as a gay and this is why he was coming to see me. He felt he could Not do it alone, he said this was too much for him to face alone.
 

 
I asked…
 
 

In a perfect world, what would your life be like right now?

 
 
Jame’s face brightened. He shared how he would only have one Facebook account and one Instagram account. He laughed saying he would show pictures from the ‘crazy’ adventures he and his husband have been on, their food expeditions, their vacations together, even their honeymoon trip…
 
I asked James if he truly loved his husband. Without hesitation he answered choking up, “Are you kidding me? He is the best thing that has ever happened to me!”
 
I replied,
 
 

When we truly love someone, including ourselves, do we hide who we are?

 
 
James burst into tears. He did Not seem to care anymore whether the waiter or other patrons saw him crying; his shoulders were heaving up and down with heavy sobs. Then he took a deep breath, clenched his teeth, and said, “I deserve better! My husband deserves better! I am coming out!” I was impressed by this fiery determination.
 
That day, he went home with homework to do. Over the next seven days, he had to call every member of his family, his eight siblings and two parents, and tell each one of them he was gay. His framework looked something like ‘I am calling to share something important to me. I am gay. Being gay is a part of me, it is Not all of me. I love you.”
 
 

Have you ever had to stand up for what you believe in? How easy was it?

 
 
At our next coaching session, James sat down with his journal open. Where he had drawn ten little people with their name on top of each, three of them were still left unmarked by an ‘X’ signifying ‘the job is done’ and they knew he was gay.
 
I open directly,
 
 

What happened to you missing your goal?

 
James grabbed his journal with both hands. He mumbled how he was Not truly close to the only sibling left on the list as this person had once sexually assaulted him when he was a kid… He also said how many of his siblings were now sending him harassment messages telling him he was ‘wrong’, going to ‘hell, and ‘Don’t tell mom and dad! They’re too old and mom’s depression is too bad!’
 
Like so many, James was caught once more living a double life, living in the background of his own life while trying to get ‘approval’ from others, especially from members of his family.
 
 

Whose approval is most important to you to be happy?

 
I pointed to the top of the page where all his little people drawings were and I asked him to write down a story title expressing what his goal is. His pen almost pierced the paper as he wrote in capital letters at the top,
 

“I AM COMING OUT!”

 
 
Let me ask you…
 

Why do we become untruthful?

Why do we pursue lies?

 
 
I believe the answer is, because we think it will be better.
 
Is it though? How was James’ constant lying about being gay going to advance his goal of coming out of the closet?
 
Clearly, denying our truth does Not work.
 
With this in mind…
 

How do things become better?

 

I believe, things become better when we focus on 

  • becoming truthful. ‘What is my truth?’

  • becoming intentional. ‘What can I do right now to uphold my truth?’

  • becoming accountable. ‘What can I do to hold myself accountable so I live my truth?

 
I could certainly relate to James. When I got married, I did not tell my then husband about the way I grew up, the level of violence. I thought he would ‘love’ me more if I buried what had happened to me as a child. Can you relate? My life changed for the better when I became truthful, intentional, and accountable.
 
 

Here are some rock solid tips to assist you who may suffer from ‘007 Double Life  Syndrome’:

Once you have identified what your truth is, whether it is to come of the closet as gay or lesbian, leave an unhappy marriage, change jobs, or …
 

  • Make a list of who needs to know. When we make the decision to come out with our truth, often, we tend to believe everyone ‘must’ know all at once. Spare yourself feeling overwhelmed, work in stages.

  • Come up with an on point message telling your truth. Keep it short. Keep it sweet. Keep it to the point. Understand there is plenty of time later to go into the ‘Why did this happen?’ if you ever chose to.

  • Have an accountability system/person in place. Though many of us say we ‘know’ what we need to do in order to be happy, many of us end up losing our nerve when the stakes are deemed high.Therefore, having someone on your team who is Not emotionally attached to your situation allows for actions with a greater sense of clarity.

 
 
Now imagine somebody has just read these tips…
 

What do you believe will be their greatest challenge?

 
Before James came to see me, he had all the best intentions in the world, BUT he lacked a solid accountability system. This is why as soon as he went into ‘What will they think of me?’ he lost his nerve of telling his truth to his family.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who holds her clients highly accountable so they get to live their truth openly, and like James, get to come out at the top of their story page.
 
For coaching inquiries, reach out to me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
Your Emotional Intelligence Coach,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

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ROUND AND ROUND

ROUND AND ROUND
 
Round and round
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life.
Ups and downs,
We think that’s life
Until we get off our mount.
 
Round and round
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life.
Laughter and tears
We think we’re here
Until we go deep within.
 
In and in
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life,
Darkness and light
Fuse into one
Until we go round and round.
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
What makes any of us go round and round in circles?
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
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acceptance Accountability Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Commitment Compassion Confidence Conscience Courage Curiosity Emotional Intelligence Empathy Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Friendship Gratefulness Happiness Hope Imagination Inner Child Inner Peace Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Peace Reality Relationship Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Space Tolerance WalkingInside

HOW FAR AM I WILLING TO GO?

HOW FAR AM I WILLING TO GO?
 
Am I willing to go beyond the stars
Where you and I were born
Where the sun befriends the moon
Where rainbows bridge us all?
 
Am I willing to go further than the eye can see
Where trees plant their roots
Where flowers drop their seeds
Where leaves take in the colours of seasons?
 
Am I willing to go deeper than the ocean floor
Where all the river beds make one
Where the illusion of division is triumphed over
Where we all feel as one?
 
How far am I willing to go?
 
I am willing to go
At the centre of myself
Where I hear it all begins
The point of origin
That unites us all.
 
I am willing to go
Where ‘broken’ lines disappear
Where there is no you or me
Where there is only a we.
 
I am willing to go
Where love is no more a concept
Where love becomes fully being
Where love is visible in all.
 
If ever I think I have reached this place
Where I hear it all begins
Ask me again
‘How far am I willing to go?’
And I will come back to
Being in the here and now
Until we all feel that we belong.
 
With Compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
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acceptance Accountability Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Confidence Conscience Courage Curiosity Emotional Intelligence Empathy Enabling Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Friendship Gratefulness Happiness Hope Ignorance Imagination Inner Child Inner Peace Insanity Intellect Intent Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Patience Peace Racism Reality Relationship Sadness Sanity Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Settling Shame Social Awareness Space Success Tolerance Trust WalkingInside

I — USED TO THINK

I — USED TO THINK
 
I used to think
A tree was just a tree
I saw it with my own mind
Roots, trunk, branches, leaves.
 
I used to think
You were different than me
I saw it with my own mind
Bodies, fences, judgement, fear.
 
Thanks to my mentor, I met me
For a moment, I stopped thinking,
In stillness, my mind cracked open
Discovering sunshine cooling breeze within.
 
How refreshing
To hear inside the giggles of a small child
Who never thought we were separate
Who’s always known we all belong.
 
Because of my love for this child and me
The lines in my mind are becoming blurry
If there is nothing separating you from me
Then, who am I? What are we?
 
Willing to know, I ask her to show me the way
How I may serve her from a place of integrity
Laughing, she is showing a world full of wonders
Where roots and bodies, you and me,
Are merging into, this or something greater,
Then… I used to think.
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
 
To know more about Soul Leadership: www.fullmontyleadership.com
 
P.S. With this post, I am including more forms and patterns I have seen when opening up pictures. This time, I am not showing the pictures they may have originated from because I want you to imagine what can possibly give rise to …
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AWAKENING

AWAKENING
 
I awoke in the middle of the night,
Frightened and scared,
Thinking I was alone.
I looked around the bedroom,
Stillness and shadows greeting me.
What an unfamiliar sight, I thought to myself,
To be alone with one’s thoughts,
To be shyly greeting one’s feelings.
 
Out of habit,
I called out a name,
Thinking you would come,
But the echo came back empty.
I did not yet understand,
Love is neither a name or a game,
It is a flowing feeling,
Like waves, rising and falling,
Amidst our own waters.
 
Thinking I knew better,
I turned my bed into a raft,
I paddled day and night,
Still hoping to find you,
Afloat on another raft nearby.
 
Feeling more lost than ever,
I finally stopped doing this crazy thing,
And started instead to
Listen to the wind
Who has always known my name.
 
It said,
“Dive,
Dive deep within,
For the one you are looking for,
The Beloved,
Is awaiting.”
 
I told the Wind,
“I am no Mermaid,
To flag my tale under water.”
And the Wind softly replied,
“Trust and Have Faith,
Within you is always the Way.”
 
So I took a majestic dive
Perhaps the way Dolphins do?
Feeling my own breathing
Echoing back to me
The beauty of universes within.
 
I now use my raft as a diving board,
In whatever room I find myself in,
I remember Ocean Waves belong
To the One
Awakened in the middle of the night.
 
With Deep Gratitude,
Anne
 
Dov Baron, thank you for being the Wind speaking softly to me, I am grateful
 
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
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FROM FRUSTRATION TO LOVE

This week’s MindFlick is as follows:  “I heard on the news that Pity and Should tried together to save a woman who had fallen unconsciously into an apparently giant pit. Police identified the wounded woman as Frustration.”
 
For many of us, pie can be comforting when trying to figure things out. So pull up a chair, glad a slice of pi, and let’s see what happened with this case.
 
Let’s start at the scene…
 
Pity reported she was walking on the street minding her own business (she says) when she saw this woman unconsciously falling into a giant pit.
 
“I immediately rushed over,” she confessed. “I quickly looked around and saw it was my moment to shine.”  Trying to be brave perhaps, she jumped into the pit after the fallen woman.
 
“I grabbed her hand,” Pity smiles, “I asked her if she was okay.”
 
Visibly shaken, the wounded woman apparently thanked Pity profusely. “Thank you for being here, I feel so much less alone knowing you are here with me.”
 
On the news, I saw Pity pump out her chest real big at this mention. She added, “That will teach all these people in my life who have thought I am heartless and cruel.”
 
The story gets worse…
 
The wounded woman apparently managed to sit herself up against the rocky wall and asked Pity, “Have you called for help? Does anyone know we’re down here?”
 
It is said Pity focused her eyes on the ground, feeling guilty. She did not answer.
 
The wounded woman realized their predicament, “You fool! You blindly jumped after me? Without having locked your safety first? How can you help me now?!!!”
 
On the police report, it is said Pity then started crying uncontrollably, whining about she keeps being called heartless and cruel when all she has ever wanted to do is be useful to others. “Bunch of ungrateful bastards!” she yelled out, “that’s what you all are!” 
 
Luckily, Should walked by and took inventory of the situation. He seemed pragmatic, cold, and highly logical.
 
Pointing a finger at the wounded woman first, he belted, “What were you thinking? What kind of idiot puts herself in this situation? You should know better!”
 
He then turned mercilessly on Pity too. “And you! Following suit without thinking! Just to make yourself feel better! You’re no better than her! Don’t you see? You’re both wounded!”
 
Pity started howling. “It’s all her fault! I just wanted to help! It’s not my fault she is so unconscious and can’t look where she is going! Don’t put the blame on me, pin it on her!”
 
Hearing all these harsh words, the wounded woman was stunned, speechless, as if frozen on the spot. She suddenly felt deeply guilty and ashamed of herself. “Maybe Pity and Should are right, I’m an idiot, I can’t do anything right!” She put both her hands on her face and started sobbing, having seemingly very little compassion for herself.
 
Thankfully, a loving child stopped and listened. She looked inside the pit and addressed the wounded woman. “What is your name?” she gently asked.
 
The wounded woman stopped paying attention to Pity and Should and answered, “Might as well call me Frustration.”
 
“Is this your real name?” the child asked innocently.
 
The woman paused, “No, not really. It just seems so right now; I am not seeing this situation clearly.”
 
“How may I assist you?” asked the child.
 
“Do you have a cell phone on you?” The child answered yes. “Can you please call for help?”
 
The child called and police arrived shortly. They straightened Pity and Should and congratulated the child who had remained grounded the whole time.
 
As the wounded woman hugged the child tight against her heart, the child gently whispered, “What is your real name?”
 
The woman smiled a big smile, “You can call me Love.”
 
The woman then took the child’s hands in hers compassionately remembering she is so much more than what happens to her.
 
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
 “It’s all about pie, honey!” is a blog series provided by Walking Inside Resources Inc. and dedicated to explore various emotional concepts in a pi setting. “MindFlick” is copyrighted to this company.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Author, and Authentic Speaker. You can reach me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

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“SOMETHING PROFOUND HAPPENED, IT'S CHANGING MY LIFE”

This blog is highly personal. This Christmas Day, mid-afternoon, I was on my bed crying, physically unable to get back up.
 
It ‘all’ started on December 24; I get a phone call from my sister, she wants to wish me a merry Christmas. I am happy to hear from her; I have little contact with my bio family. I stop stuffing the turkey and walk into my bedroom where we can talk quietly.
 
She says my latest chapter book is creating waves in the family. She says my youngest brother, the one who almost died of a heart attack, the one I spent all last year mending my relationship with, has apparently decided to block me. Not believing her, I quickly go onto Facebook and realize he is ‘gone’.
 
After the phone call, I come back to the kitchen and decide to give myself, the kids, and our friends our best Christmas ever. I put my suffering aside.
 
As I am peeling potatoes, my daughter Elena comes standing beside me, “Maman, is everything okay? You look sad.”
 
In the past, I would have lied to her, I would have pretended all is well. Since I am done doing this kind of shit, I share with her where I am at.
 
She listens without a word, then asks,
 

“What’s the purpose of the call? Why you? Why now?”

 
I say I do not know. I go back to making gravy.
 
That Christmas Eve dinner turned out to be the best I have ever hosted. Every single one of my children and guest have agreed, unanimously, this was the best meal I have ever served in their life.
 
As I laid in bed at 3:30 am, I thought again of my sister’s words and the tears started rolling down my face. I was acutely aware that, once again, like so many years alike, I was crying once more on Christmas morning…
 
Later that day, everyone leaves (they had all crashed over). I look at my apartment. The success of the party is evident… food scattered everywhere… empty wine glasses… random blankets and pillows… tons of dirty dishes… I look at it all and smile faintly. Cleaning is going to take a while…
 
Instead of getting busy right away, I go and sit on my bed. I allow myself to feel my pain. I burst into tears.
 
I have done enough personal development work in my life to know the difference between ego wound and real sorrow.
 
So I asked myself,
 

“What is it that I truly need to feel here? What is this truly about?”

 
I hear the ‘weirdest’ thing ever, “I am a physical orphan”
 
As I let this fundamental truth – that we are physically born alone and die alone – sink into my physical body, I cannot hold it. The moment I felt this truth for myself, my hip flexors jammed. The psoas muscles, the ones what wrap around our spine and pelvis, jammed, and the next thing I knew, something touched the sciatic nerve and I ‘froze’ on the spot, howling in pain.
 
Everything became like a blur, I did not know anymore what was physical pain and what was suffering. I felt like I was on fire.
 
A darker part of me surfaces, “Look at you, the ‘great’ Anne, you’ve done all this work, and still… you can’t even get off your own bed!”
 
I can feel my muscles tightening, the physical pain increasing, I am listening to that voice, shit! I knew I was becoming small.
 
Every lesson my mentor Dov Baron has been teaching me for the last three years came into play.
 
I told myself,
 

“I don’t have to stay like this, I HAVE A CHOICE, I ALWAYS have a choice!!!” 

 
I asked myself,

“where is she, my little girl, my connection to myself?”

 
 
…and here she came, holding both my hands, standing beside me.
 

Instead of asking her what she could do for me, 

like I had done countless of times before,

I asked myself,

with every ounce of flowing love I have for me, 

“What do you need right now?”

 
She answered, “breathe, breathe bubbles of air into your back” and I heard giggles inside of me.
 
I chuckled, I was unsure what that meant, but I did my best to visualize my back and infuse mindful bubbles of air into it.
 
I felt something shifting a fraction of a hair. That something, it was enough to stop touching the sciatic nerve.
 
I take a few more deep breaths, I feel the pain stabilizing. I decide to get up.
 
It took me quite a few minutes to just stand. There were tears, many ouches , and quite a few swear words.
 
Smiling at my progress, I asked again,
 

“What do you need right now?” 

 
The little girl inside answered, “I’m hungry! I am soooo hungry!!!”
 
In that moment, I realized I was famished.
 
I slowly walk to the kitchen and cook myself a homemade turkey vegetables soup with toasted bread.
 
Eating my food, I became deeply aware that I had gone from being physically crippled on my bed to choosing to love me above all physical people, situations, and things. I believe this is my Christmas miracle, my true love gift to me. 
 
Sitting in front of my mentor on Tuesday, I had not seen him for the last three weeks, I start sharing this story by saying, “Something profound happened, and it’s changing my life”. Dov nodded gravely and with deep kindness in his eyes listens with an open heart.
 
From this experience, what I am realizing deeper than ever before is,
 

All that happens to us is a lesson to

Awaken our own love into us. 

We are all miracles of creation, worthy of a great love, 

starting with our own self.

 
With gratitude,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

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WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR FEEDBACK LIKE THIS?

“I still remember our first conversation at Starbucks during my depression. I was in total self-denial that I am as dull as a stone. You stayed with me and told me that I am beautiful. It was you who hold the bigger vision for me and believe in my greatness. Thank you for loving me even when I was not able to do so. Thank you for seeing me as a valuable gem. :)”
Here is a letter one of my clients wrote to me in a Christmas card. It never ceases to amaze me the impact one can have on someone else’s life.
“Dear Anne,
Merry Christmas to you! Wow, where did the time go? We are entering 2017 already! Looking back, I am amazed at the growth in 2016, after all the hammering on my head. Sessions with you are like a treasure hunt. I look forward to search the gems and treasure with you – the gems and treasures within me. You have the magic to see them before I do. You always affirm me even when I don’t believe I have treasure within me. But I can gain some wealth in each session, as always, the journey to find the gem is not easy. How many times I chose to believe I am only a worthless stone? I still remember our first conversation at Starbucks during my depression. I was in total self-denial that I am as dull as a stone. You stayed with me and told me that I am beautiful. It was you who holds the bigger vision for me and believe in my greatness. Thank you for loving me even when I was not able to do so. Thank you for seeing me as a valuable gem. 🙂 
I am very blessed to witness your tremendous transformations and breakthrough in the past year. It was overwhelming and hope-lightening! You are very committed and disciplined, my dear. It’s like watching the circus show when the performer walks on the wire fearlessly. Your performance was amazing to us. But I know there’s countless failures, hurts, and hope-killings before you can walk on the wire with a calm heart. The inspiring part is, you keep trying regardless! You are courageous and truly fearless! I admire you being you – a lovable lady who never gives up. You are an inspiring light bulb which is busy shining her life. 
May the holiday season bring you rest, quietness, and joy, to prepare yourself for many more triumph to come!
(name)
December 2016

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Awareness Compassion Inner Child Parenting Self Self-empowerment Uncategorized

How to Heal an Emotional Wound

‘Where does it hurt?’
Have you ever been sick and wished someone was here to take care of you? Maybe to put a cold compress on your forehead or cook a yummy bowl of soup for you?
Most of my life, I went at it alone. When sick, I usually said I was fine not to aggravate anyone, but deep down, secretly, I wished someone was here to ask me gently, ‘Where does it hurt?’
 
‘Who do you think should care the most about your hurt?’
I knew, as a kid, being sick was not the best place to be. It put me in a position of ‘weakness’ where other people’s remarks and actions seemed to hurt deeper than usual. Looking at these seemingly uncaring persons, I often could not hide my tears of anger or despair in front of them.
As an adult, I became a master at hiding. Some of the only times I admitted being sick was when the migraines were so bad the mere act of breathing hurt. In these moments, I closed all the blinds, shut the bedroom door, put a cold compress on my forehead, and did my best to avoid crying. Crying just seemed to make it all worse. Somehow my hurt just seemed too much for me to handle period.
I also have turned to people I thought might be caring. I remember coming back from work one day and having the ‘old’ migraine again. I lied on the couch and asked for a blanket and a glass of water. I did not feel like going out to eat or making dinner either. Seemingly annoyed, my mate at the time wished me a good night and walked away. I felt hurt and rejected, as if being sick just kept being something wrong. Who do you think should care the most about your hurt? You. Unless you do, you might keep attracting people around you who might not truly care either.
 
‘Caring for our emotional wounds is our job.’
Realizing at a deeper level I needed to be the one in charge of my overall well-being, I ended that ‘romantic’ relationship and focused instead on deepening my emotional caring for me. For that purpose, I have been sitting in front of my mentor for 2.5 years now, almost every week. It is paying off big time.
Last night, the past came back to visit me on my walk. I ‘suddenly’ remembered this last incident. The sad little girl in me told me she liked the dude. Why? He reminds her of her father. She has always wanted her papa’s love. In that moment, I realized even deeper how I had been thinking that, by having someone like him love me, I could somehow get my father to love me.
I took a breath and gently asked her this simple question. ‘Can this person take care of you when you are sick?’ Being truthful to myself, I looked at the ground and said ‘nooo’. I looked at the sad little girl inside of me and told her, ‘I can take care of you, not him, not my father. I am here for you.’ She looked at me silent, absorbing. I kept walking. Further down, she simply said, ‘I’m tired.’ Instantly, past images came up seeing me tired as a child. What did I want most then? I wanted someone to carry me. So I imagined lifting her off the ground and snuggling her safely into my arms. I then took my happy child’s hand and kept walking, grateful I am learning to be here for all sides of me
‘What are the steps to heal an emotional wound again?’

  • We face the event that has hurt us.
  • We dip into the pain, we feel it. We understand where it comes from.
  • We pull back up by having compassion for ourselves.
  • We feel gratitude for how far we have come.
  • We keep walking inside 🙂
  • And, if you are truly committed to heal deeply, hire an EI coach, therapist, or mentor.

 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 
 

Categories
Inner Child

LISTENING TO THE VOICE WITHIN

What is that voice within?
Do you know the little voice inside of you is your best friend? It is your greatest gift and your greatest chance at feeling happiness. By listening to it, you will walk away from the hurtful and embrace the loving. Ironically, many of us say we ‘would never’ walk away from a needy child on the street. Yet, the child inside of us is needy. It needs our love, attention, and validation. It needs to be seen and be heard by us. This voice within is the deep connection we have to our heart.
Is taking care of children the same as taking care of ourselves?
I have three children. Each of them came with their own personality and set of challenges. I have fed all three. I have put clothes on their back and a roof over their head. I have made sure to the best of my ability they lacked of nothing materially. Unlike me growing up, I showered them with toys and vacations to dreamy lands. I gave them a bath at night and read them magical stories. When they could not sleep, I sang to them ballads and lullabies to soothe their unsettled mind and heart.  To many, I looked like a great mother. My children came first. They were my priority, they were my everything. Did I do the same for me? Did I make myself a priority in my own life? Was I my everything? The answer is no.  I believed my job was to make others happy. This belief was so engrained in me that I stopped listening to the voice within long, long ago. When we consistently take care of other people over our own well-being, we become lost in the world of others.
What is the first clue you are losing that emotional connection to yourself?
The first clue is easy. If you are unable to consistently know and give yourself what you need, chances are this voice within (your emotional connection to yourself) is buried under the feelings and emotions you have shut down as a child in order to cope in your world. I remember sitting in front of my mentor on November 3, 2013. He asked me what I wanted most in my life. Like most people, I wanted to be happy. Now, this is where things got tricky. What does happy look like? Money in the bank? A loving partner? A big house? Children who behave? Most people will answer with external things like these because we have been brought up to believe that people, money, and things will bring us happiness. It does not work this way. Happiness is an inside job. So you feel within, so you create in your reality. I for one wanted a deep relationship with me. I had done all the other external things and I knew they do not work.
How do we hear the voice within again?
We take care of our health physically.

  1. Sleep. I need 7-8 sleep a day. How many hours do you need?
  2. Eat greens. Lower your level of meat eating and increase your level of leafy greens.
  3. Drink alkaline water. I carry 2L jugs around with me. I put lemons in my water too.
  4. I take 3 walks a day. Whatever makes you happy, do it, and do it often.

We take care of our health emotionally.

  1. Become still. Sitting alone for 15 minutes a day does wonder for the soul. Quiet the mind, let the world outside of you fade away for a moment or two.
  2. Become grateful. When we stop taking people and things for granted, life becomes magical. I start my day with 3 things, I end my day with 3 things. The key is to feel the gratitude, not just spew things out.
  3. Become forgiving. Carrying a grudge is like taking a walk with a 500 pounds weight on your back. Highly overrated.
  4. Become mindful. Notice the little things around you, from a bird sitting on a tree to a flower blowing at your feet. There are no ordinary moments.

Most of all, face emotionally what has caused you to shut down in the first place.
I hope you have found this article motivating and inspiring. With love and compassion,
Anne
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