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Emotional Intelligence Gratefulness

HOW TO GENUINELY EXPRESS GRATEFULNESS

“Be specific. What are you grateful for, exactly?” he asked.

 
Years ago, after a speaker boot camp had just ended, I wanted to express my gratefulness to my mentor for his loving teachings. Standing nervously in front of him, I quickly muttered “Thank you!”
 
“For what?” was his answer.
 
No one had ever challenged me on what gratefulness genuinely meant to me before. Feeling even more nervous, I vaguely blurted out, “Thank you for everything!”
 
“Be specific. What are you grateful for, exactly?” he asked.
 
I became awkwardly silent because I did not understand what he was getting at, until one day, I was able to walk up to him and honestly say, “I am the most ungrateful person I know. I do not know gratefulness.” Smiling kindly, he inquired about my ‘sudden’ change of attitude.
 
Let me ask you …
 

Why do we become ungrateful?

 

Why do we pursue vague thank yous?

 

I believe the answer is, because we are afraid to genuinely recognize someone for something specific they have lovingly done for us.

 
If that is true, how will being ungrateful ever going to assist us in genuinely recognizing someone for something specific they have lovingly done for us?
 
Clearly, pursuing vague thank yous do NOT work.
 
With this in mind…

How do things become better?

I believe, things become better when we focus on

  • becoming aware. ‘What is needed right now?’

  • becoming intentional. ‘What can I do to provide what is needed?’

  • becoming accountable. ‘What can I do to hold myself accountable to keep providing what is needed?’

When I allowed myself to feel grateful, I realized that gratefulness provides a deep feeling of recognition for someone who has lovingly done something for us specifically. Therefore …
 

Here are five (5) rock solid tips to assist you in genuinely expressing  gratefulness:

  • Take a deep breath. Before expressing your gratefulness to someone for what they have lovingly done for you, take a deep breath, and take several more. Become aware of your physical body.

  • Quiet your mind. Become aware of what you are thinking and quiet your mind until you feel a space within you open up.

  • Feel the space that opens within you without judgment or attachment to it. Make friends with this open space within.

  • Allow the feeling of gratefulness to rise. In a place of gratefulness, our body starts vibrating at a higher frequency, often resulting in a deepening of our voice as we are feeling what we are expressing, etc. Allow your body and quiet mind to join into feeling gratefulness.

  • Express your gratitude. Gratefulness can be expressed with or without words because it is a deep feeling that naturally arises from genuinely recognizing someone for what they have lovingly done for us.

 
Always remember … gratitude knows how to naturally express itself in the moment. 
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an emotional Intelligence coach who assists her clients in quieting their mind and feeling all their feelings and emotions, including gratefulness.
 
To book a phone chat with me, here’s my scheduling link: https://calendly.com/annebeaulieu
Your EQ coach,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com/products

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HOW TO ELIMINATE A OO7 DOUBLE LIFE

When James* called upon me, he asked that we meet in an open restaurant downtown Vancouver. Asking him why there instead of my office, he laughed and said, ‘Because I need it this way.’ 
 
On the agreed upon date and time of rendez-vous, James sat down in front of me and immediately placed his hands under the table where I could Not see them. This gesture alone told me a lot about James, how easily he pretended to be emotionally open yet felt the want to hide once in front of me.
 
Through my talking with him, I found out James was one of nine children from a very large Catholic South American family. He grew up being an altar boy, going to Sunday school, and saying prayers. But something was Not working for him… In his teenage years, he realized he was gay and being gay is apparently something deemed unacceptable in his family and culture.
 
 

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt rejected for what you are?

 
 
James moved to Vancouver, found a job, and said he met the ‘love of his life’, whom he married a couple of years later. Though saying he is happily married, James had two Facebook accounts, one ‘straight’ and one gay, to ‘spare’ the family as he said. Looking down, he confessed few people (if any) where he came from knew he was even married.
 
 

Can you imagine what it feels like to hide things from the people you love? 

 
 
In tears, James said he needed to come out of the closet as a gay and this is why he was coming to see me. He felt he could Not do it alone, he said this was too much for him to face alone.
 

 
I asked…
 
 

In a perfect world, what would your life be like right now?

 
 
Jame’s face brightened. He shared how he would only have one Facebook account and one Instagram account. He laughed saying he would show pictures from the ‘crazy’ adventures he and his husband have been on, their food expeditions, their vacations together, even their honeymoon trip…
 
I asked James if he truly loved his husband. Without hesitation he answered choking up, “Are you kidding me? He is the best thing that has ever happened to me!”
 
I replied,
 
 

When we truly love someone, including ourselves, do we hide who we are?

 
 
James burst into tears. He did Not seem to care anymore whether the waiter or other patrons saw him crying; his shoulders were heaving up and down with heavy sobs. Then he took a deep breath, clenched his teeth, and said, “I deserve better! My husband deserves better! I am coming out!” I was impressed by this fiery determination.
 
That day, he went home with homework to do. Over the next seven days, he had to call every member of his family, his eight siblings and two parents, and tell each one of them he was gay. His framework looked something like ‘I am calling to share something important to me. I am gay. Being gay is a part of me, it is Not all of me. I love you.”
 
 

Have you ever had to stand up for what you believe in? How easy was it?

 
 
At our next coaching session, James sat down with his journal open. Where he had drawn ten little people with their name on top of each, three of them were still left unmarked by an ‘X’ signifying ‘the job is done’ and they knew he was gay.
 
I open directly,
 
 

What happened to you missing your goal?

 
James grabbed his journal with both hands. He mumbled how he was Not truly close to the only sibling left on the list as this person had once sexually assaulted him when he was a kid… He also said how many of his siblings were now sending him harassment messages telling him he was ‘wrong’, going to ‘hell, and ‘Don’t tell mom and dad! They’re too old and mom’s depression is too bad!’
 
Like so many, James was caught once more living a double life, living in the background of his own life while trying to get ‘approval’ from others, especially from members of his family.
 
 

Whose approval is most important to you to be happy?

 
I pointed to the top of the page where all his little people drawings were and I asked him to write down a story title expressing what his goal is. His pen almost pierced the paper as he wrote in capital letters at the top,
 

“I AM COMING OUT!”

 
 
Let me ask you…
 

Why do we become untruthful?

Why do we pursue lies?

 
 
I believe the answer is, because we think it will be better.
 
Is it though? How was James’ constant lying about being gay going to advance his goal of coming out of the closet?
 
Clearly, denying our truth does Not work.
 
With this in mind…
 

How do things become better?

 

I believe, things become better when we focus on 

  • becoming truthful. ‘What is my truth?’

  • becoming intentional. ‘What can I do right now to uphold my truth?’

  • becoming accountable. ‘What can I do to hold myself accountable so I live my truth?

 
I could certainly relate to James. When I got married, I did not tell my then husband about the way I grew up, the level of violence. I thought he would ‘love’ me more if I buried what had happened to me as a child. Can you relate? My life changed for the better when I became truthful, intentional, and accountable.
 
 

Here are some rock solid tips to assist you who may suffer from ‘007 Double Life  Syndrome’:

Once you have identified what your truth is, whether it is to come of the closet as gay or lesbian, leave an unhappy marriage, change jobs, or …
 

  • Make a list of who needs to know. When we make the decision to come out with our truth, often, we tend to believe everyone ‘must’ know all at once. Spare yourself feeling overwhelmed, work in stages.

  • Come up with an on point message telling your truth. Keep it short. Keep it sweet. Keep it to the point. Understand there is plenty of time later to go into the ‘Why did this happen?’ if you ever chose to.

  • Have an accountability system/person in place. Though many of us say we ‘know’ what we need to do in order to be happy, many of us end up losing our nerve when the stakes are deemed high.Therefore, having someone on your team who is Not emotionally attached to your situation allows for actions with a greater sense of clarity.

 
 
Now imagine somebody has just read these tips…
 

What do you believe will be their greatest challenge?

 
Before James came to see me, he had all the best intentions in the world, BUT he lacked a solid accountability system. This is why as soon as he went into ‘What will they think of me?’ he lost his nerve of telling his truth to his family.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who holds her clients highly accountable so they get to live their truth openly, and like James, get to come out at the top of their story page.
 
For coaching inquiries, reach out to me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
Your Emotional Intelligence Coach,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

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Accountability Anxiety Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Conscience Courage Curiosity Decency Depression Dreams Emotional Intelligence Empathy Enabling Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Frustration Gratefulness Guilt Happiness Hope Ignorance Inner Child Inner Peace Insanity Instinct Intellect Intent Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Patience Peace procrastination Racism Reality Relationship Sadness Sanity Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Space Success Tolerance Trust WalkingInside

ROUND AND ROUND

ROUND AND ROUND
 
Round and round
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life.
Ups and downs,
We think that’s life
Until we get off our mount.
 
Round and round
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life.
Laughter and tears
We think we’re here
Until we go deep within.
 
In and in
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life,
Darkness and light
Fuse into one
Until we go round and round.
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
What makes any of us go round and round in circles?
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
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acceptance Accountability Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Commitment Compassion Confidence Conscience Courage Curiosity Emotional Intelligence Empathy Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Friendship Gratefulness Happiness Hope Imagination Inner Child Inner Peace Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Peace Reality Relationship Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Space Tolerance WalkingInside

HOW FAR AM I WILLING TO GO?

HOW FAR AM I WILLING TO GO?
 
Am I willing to go beyond the stars
Where you and I were born
Where the sun befriends the moon
Where rainbows bridge us all?
 
Am I willing to go further than the eye can see
Where trees plant their roots
Where flowers drop their seeds
Where leaves take in the colours of seasons?
 
Am I willing to go deeper than the ocean floor
Where all the river beds make one
Where the illusion of division is triumphed over
Where we all feel as one?
 
How far am I willing to go?
 
I am willing to go
At the centre of myself
Where I hear it all begins
The point of origin
That unites us all.
 
I am willing to go
Where ‘broken’ lines disappear
Where there is no you or me
Where there is only a we.
 
I am willing to go
Where love is no more a concept
Where love becomes fully being
Where love is visible in all.
 
If ever I think I have reached this place
Where I hear it all begins
Ask me again
‘How far am I willing to go?’
And I will come back to
Being in the here and now
Until we all feel that we belong.
 
With Compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
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acceptance Accountability Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Confidence Conscience Courage Curiosity Emotional Intelligence Empathy Enabling Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Friendship Gratefulness Happiness Hope Ignorance Imagination Inner Child Inner Peace Insanity Intellect Intent Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Patience Peace Racism Reality Relationship Sadness Sanity Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Settling Shame Social Awareness Space Success Tolerance Trust WalkingInside

I — USED TO THINK

I — USED TO THINK
 
I used to think
A tree was just a tree
I saw it with my own mind
Roots, trunk, branches, leaves.
 
I used to think
You were different than me
I saw it with my own mind
Bodies, fences, judgement, fear.
 
Thanks to my mentor, I met me
For a moment, I stopped thinking,
In stillness, my mind cracked open
Discovering sunshine cooling breeze within.
 
How refreshing
To hear inside the giggles of a small child
Who never thought we were separate
Who’s always known we all belong.
 
Because of my love for this child and me
The lines in my mind are becoming blurry
If there is nothing separating you from me
Then, who am I? What are we?
 
Willing to know, I ask her to show me the way
How I may serve her from a place of integrity
Laughing, she is showing a world full of wonders
Where roots and bodies, you and me,
Are merging into, this or something greater,
Then… I used to think.
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
 
To know more about Soul Leadership: www.fullmontyleadership.com
 
P.S. With this post, I am including more forms and patterns I have seen when opening up pictures. This time, I am not showing the pictures they may have originated from because I want you to imagine what can possibly give rise to …
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acceptance Accountability Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Courage Curiosity Depression Emotional Intelligence Empathy Forgiveness freedom Gratefulness Happiness Ignorance Intent Intentions Joy Leadership Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Reality Relationship Sadness Self-empowerment Self-Worth Social Awareness WalkingInside

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT SADNESS?

If I were to ask you right now,
 

“Where does sadness come from?”

 
What is your answer?
 
 
I have come to realize that ‘sadness’ is one of these big words that so many people use without truly stopping to ask themselves,
 

“What does sadness mean to me?” 

 
 
At least, this used to be my case in the past…
 
 
But now, I am fascinated with what I call blanket words, words we seem to throw casually over whatever event, person, or situation we might be unable to cope with at the present moment…
 
Sounds familiar? 
 
As usual for me lately, when I want to know to the bottom of something, I start where it all begins… with the words we were taught as children…
 
 

In English, the word sadness (sad) first came from Germanic origin, saed,

meaning ‘sated, wary’.

 
 
As you may probably know, the word ‘sated’ is linked to ‘saturated’, meaning ‘having enough’ or ‘feeling full’.
 
Sooo,
 

Is sadness ‘having enough wariness that we feel full?’

 
If this is the case, then this statement implies there is no other room within ourselves to experience any other feeling in that moment.
 
Is it true?
 
Is it always true?
 
Most likely Not!
 
Therefore,
 

Is sadness a feeling that can be felt in conjunction with other feelings?

 
 
Wooooo….
 
Then it begs the question,
 

“Why so sad if joy is just beside?”

 
 
 
I kept on digging….
 
Turns out the word sadness took its saed away and turned to the Dutch zat, the German satt and the Latin satis, also meaning ‘enough’. But then, something fascinating happened!
 

The original meaning of sadness was replaced in Middle English 

by the senses ‘steadfast, firm, serious, sober’.

 
 
OK, now I am going to poke fun here…
 

Is sadness a steadfast feeling? 

 
According to Google, steadfast means “resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering.’
 
HOLY SPITBALLS!
 

Is sadness something we must resolutely and dutifully 

firm and unwavering feel?

 
To say resolutely, one has to determinedly agree to to be sad first.
 
To say dutifully, one has to agree to continue feeling sad out of ‘duty’.
 
To say firm and unwavering, one has to believe they have zero choice in the matter.
 
Is it true?
 
Is it always true?
 
 
 
Apparently, it is only much much later that the English decided to give sadness the meaning of ‘sorrowful’, ‘a feeling involving grief or loss’.
 
Wow, it seems to have taken the English quite a long time to figure out what sadness means to them?
 
Now, maybe the French know ‘better’?
 

The word ‘tristesse’ comes from the Latin tristicia, tristitia, meaning

… an affliction

… a melancholic temperament

… an ambiance marked by affliction or melancholy

… an aspect of something that triggers a state of affliction

 
 
Fascinating, is you ask me!
 
Why?
 

If sadness is ONE aspect of our self that is feeling afflicted,

then it implies we have within our self OTHER aspects that are non-sad.

 
 
HOLY REVELATION!
 
This is amazing news for anyone who has ever believed they might never come out of depression.
 
This means, sadness is just but one feeling within our self that, we can choose to feel and move to joy and happiness.
 
When I hit what I call the shitter, I had no idea I had been depressed my whole life.
 
I mean,
 

How would anyone know they are depressed 

if they grew up with depressed people (their normal)? 

 
 
For me, feeling depressed was my normal, what I grew up with. Therefore, unknowingly (this is what normal does, engrain stuff in us), I carried this feeling of depression with me throughout most of my life.
 
I never quite understood why other people could be so happy looking at a flower or hugging a tree… until I met my mentor Dov Baron. He showed me sadness was just one feeling within me, that there were many others, and I could choose to feel more positive feelings into my life.
 
WELCOME SELF-EMPOWERMENT!
 
Yes, it has taken me a lot of self-compassion to change my negatively wired upbringing to feel more positive feelings of well-being.
 
Here is the thing though, if I can do it with a deeply raging father who sexually abused me as a child and a psychotic mother who believed she was pregnant with Jesus Christ, I firmly believe you also have the power within yourself to change your life. We all do!
 
The question is,
 

“What meaning are you now willing to assign to sadness?”

 
I trust you have found value in this article. My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Authentic Speaker, and Compassion Blogger. I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With Compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

Categories
acceptance Accountability Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Confidence Conscience Courage Curiosity Dreams Emotional Intelligence Empathy Enabling Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Friendship Gratefulness Happiness Hope Ignorance Inner Child Inner Peace Instinct Intellect Intent Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Patience Peace procrastination Reality Relationship Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Settling Social Awareness Space Speaking Success Tolerance Trust WalkingInside

AWAKENING

AWAKENING
 
I awoke in the middle of the night,
Frightened and scared,
Thinking I was alone.
I looked around the bedroom,
Stillness and shadows greeting me.
What an unfamiliar sight, I thought to myself,
To be alone with one’s thoughts,
To be shyly greeting one’s feelings.
 
Out of habit,
I called out a name,
Thinking you would come,
But the echo came back empty.
I did not yet understand,
Love is neither a name or a game,
It is a flowing feeling,
Like waves, rising and falling,
Amidst our own waters.
 
Thinking I knew better,
I turned my bed into a raft,
I paddled day and night,
Still hoping to find you,
Afloat on another raft nearby.
 
Feeling more lost than ever,
I finally stopped doing this crazy thing,
And started instead to
Listen to the wind
Who has always known my name.
 
It said,
“Dive,
Dive deep within,
For the one you are looking for,
The Beloved,
Is awaiting.”
 
I told the Wind,
“I am no Mermaid,
To flag my tale under water.”
And the Wind softly replied,
“Trust and Have Faith,
Within you is always the Way.”
 
So I took a majestic dive
Perhaps the way Dolphins do?
Feeling my own breathing
Echoing back to me
The beauty of universes within.
 
I now use my raft as a diving board,
In whatever room I find myself in,
I remember Ocean Waves belong
To the One
Awakened in the middle of the night.
 
With Deep Gratitude,
Anne
 
Dov Baron, thank you for being the Wind speaking softly to me, I am grateful
 
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
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Accountability Anger Assertiveness Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Confidence Courage Curiosity Depression Dreams Emotional Intelligence Equality freedom Frustration Gratefulness Happiness Ignorance Inner Peace Intent Intentions Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Reality Relationship Satisfaction Self-empowerment Self-Worth WalkingInside

WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE TO SAY, “IT’S NOT WORK ANYMORE”

I have just spent the last 90 minutes with my mentor Dov Baron. As he leads me to the elevator, he asks me,
 
“What are you doing tonight?”
 
I pause and answer, “There’s this blog I want to finish writing after my walk, but that’s not work, it’s not work anymore”
 
Dov looks at me with a smile on his face, his face soft, a nod of acknowledgement following my revelation.
 
I walk outside and I think about what I had just said, “It’s not work anymore”. The more I am pondering, the more I am coming to the following realization…
 
When the concierge in my building made a comment again that he had seen me late ‘at work’ again, I paused, unsure what to say. I mean, how do we explain to someone that writing is my passion and it is not work for me anymore?
 
When a friend called and asked, “Hey, what are you working on right now?” I caught myself pausing, unsure what to answer again. Working on a speaking presentation, making workshops proposals, coaching clients… well… that’s not work anymore either.
 

So, what has been happening?

 
I grew up in a very blue collar community, where most people never attend college after high school if they finish high school at all. In this environment, I developed specific ideas about work and they are not pretty…
 

Work is something like

  • “a job with a minimum of 40 hours at minimum wage and shitty benefits”

  • “a job where my boss irritates me and my co-workers are so-so”

  • “a job where I am ‘chained’ to a desk doing ‘chores’ I do not wish to do”

 
 
Sounds terrible, doesn’t it?
 
And yet, this is how many people, including the old me, view work, as some kind of slave ogre master taking away the freedom of little children…
 

Can you relate?

 
Wanting to know more about ‘work’, I check into my French etymology dictionary to see where the hell did my parents get their ideas of work from…
 
Turns out,
 

travailler, travail’ (to work, work), as early as the 12th century, 

means ‘torment, suffering’.

 
 
SAY WHAT!
 
From the 16th century on,
 

‘travailler’ starts taking its modern meaning: 

“to give our self misery for”.

 
SOOOOOOOO……..
 
If I get this straight… the French went from being a victim of work to victimizing themselves about work?
 

What kind evolution progress is this???

 
Maybe the English know to suffer less than the French?
 
Turns out,
 

“work” comes from 

the Old English woerc

Germanic wyrcan

Dutch werk

and German werk

 
The irony does not escape me… the English have had to check the core meaning of work across four nations? O_O
 
Guess what?
 

Work in English, just like work in French, 

are both derived from the latin trepaliare

which means to torture, to inflict suffering or agony. 

 
 
Insight of this,
 
 

WHO THE HELL WANTS TO WORK?!!!

 
 
Maybe, the Chinese can enlighten a little?…
 
In Chinese Mandarin,
 
Work translates into 工作 (gongzuo)
 

工 (gong)

means worker, the working class BUT it also has the meaning of skill, craftsmanship, to be versed in, to be good at
 

作 (zuo)

means to rise, to grow, to write, to compose, writings (as in ‘the works’)
 
 
Therefore, for the Chinese,
 

工作 (gongzuo) means to develop one’s craftsmanship 

so one can rise and grow?

 
 
SOUNDS LIKE PASSION TO ME!
 
This is just it!
 
I love what I do! I love speaking, coaching, and blogging! These ‘activities’ are not work anymore, they are vehicles for passion, bringing more compassion into our world.
 
When I used to believe that work was work, I had very little compassion for myself. I mainly came from a place of duty and obligation. I was very much a victim of my own closed-minded upbringing.
 
Once I started developing compassion for myself, my ‘work’ became less about work and more about passion, a rising and growing flame that  keeps burning bright inside my heart.
 
Do I have my moments when some of the stuff I need to do feels like work? Yes. Bookkeeping is such a thing for me. This is why I have contracted this work out, so I can keep focusing on Compassion, my Burning Passion inside of me.
 
SOUNDS MIGHTY FULFILLING!
 
Therefore, if work is still work for you, perhaps it is high time you hire an Emotional Intelligence Coach or Mentor.
Why?
 

Because if you knew how to turn your work into passion,

you would already be living it right now….

.
.
.
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach and a Work Myth Buster. Contact me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With Compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

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GOING TO THE ROOTS OF HAPPINESS

Happiness is such a big word, don’t you think? I mean, what does happiness truly mean anyway? 
 
Searching for the roots of happiness, I asked myself,
 

“Where does happiness come from?”

 
 
According to the French Dictionary of Etymology (history of words),
 

Bonheur comes from the latin word augurium 

which means

divination, enchantment, foreboding, forecast, interpretation, omen.

 
 
WOW!
 

Who knew happiness might be perceived as intuitive projections 

cast onto people, situations, or things?

 
 
HOLY BURNING SHIT!
 
Maybe this is why some relationships call themselves happy’ while being massively co-dependent? As one person enchants the other to make them happy, to fill a cup they might refuse to fill by their own?
 
MMMMM….
 
I know, I know… it may sound harsh what I am saying right now, but…
 

Isn’t it what projections do? 

Cast a judgment spell onto another 

about what is lacking within one’s own self? 

 
DAMN!
 
Let me share something with you.
 
In the past, when I said, “You are my everything, you make me so happy!”  I did not know I had an emotional hole within that no person, money or thing could ever fill. As a result, I have kept others deeply prisoners in my life, casting them to play small, all in the name of ‘happiness’.
 
Maybe this is why, for the old me, happiness never seemed to last long, for I was constantly looking for the next happiness ‘fix’. Maybe you can relate?
 
Think about it….
 
If someone is to say, “I predict/want you to be happy.”, how reliable would you believe their omen to be, coming from someone with an emotional hole within to start with?
 
HOLY CRAP!
 
Maybe the French got it wrong?
 
So I turned to the English…
 
I guess there is nothing like an old Oxford English to determine the roots of happiness…
 
Can you imagine my surprise and laughter when I found out that,
 

The English stole the happiness word from the Vikings! 

 
BLOODY HELL!
 

Hap is a Norwegian word meaning luck, 

which means

happiness is luck or being lucky.

 
Now, what kind of luck were the Norwegian referring to? Lucky in bed? Lucky in finances? Lucky in war? Lucky in love?…
 
I don’t know about you, but for me,
 

To leave happiness to chance, 

specifically to the randomness of others, 

is not called happiness; it is hell!!!

 
Because, like you, I care deeply about my own happiness, I went digging with the Chinese.
 
Maybe Confucius can shed some light as to what happiness might actually truly be about?
 
In Chinese Mandarin, the word happiness translates into 开心 (kaixin)
 
开(kai) means to open widely. 开 indicates the beginning AND continuation of something. 开 also indicates the capacity of something.
心 (xin) means heart, feeling, intention, centre, core.
 
Based on an ancient Chinese secret maybe,
 

Happiness is 开心, the act of opening our heart widely, 

so we can feel and continue feeling our heart 

deeper and deeper 

at the core of our being. 

 
HOLY MAGIC BEANS!
 
I love this explanation, because this means
 

I AM 100% responsible for my OWN happiness.

 
This means,
 

  • Happiness is never about other people, situations, or things.

  • Happiness is never about luck or feeling lucky.

Happiness is solely about feeling our own open heart 

at the core of our being.

 
Therefore,
 

I AM happy because I AM

 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who loves languages for the insights and wisdom they provide beyond the words. I am also an expert on happiness who can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

Categories
Accountability Anger Anxiety Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Compassion Conscience Courage Curiosity Emotional Intelligence Empathy Equality freedom Frustration Gratefulness Happiness Inner Child Inner Peace Intent Leadership Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Peace Reality Relationship Self-empowerment Self-Worth Social Awareness Trust WalkingInside

FROM FRUSTRATION TO LOVE

This week’s MindFlick is as follows:  “I heard on the news that Pity and Should tried together to save a woman who had fallen unconsciously into an apparently giant pit. Police identified the wounded woman as Frustration.”
 
For many of us, pie can be comforting when trying to figure things out. So pull up a chair, glad a slice of pi, and let’s see what happened with this case.
 
Let’s start at the scene…
 
Pity reported she was walking on the street minding her own business (she says) when she saw this woman unconsciously falling into a giant pit.
 
“I immediately rushed over,” she confessed. “I quickly looked around and saw it was my moment to shine.”  Trying to be brave perhaps, she jumped into the pit after the fallen woman.
 
“I grabbed her hand,” Pity smiles, “I asked her if she was okay.”
 
Visibly shaken, the wounded woman apparently thanked Pity profusely. “Thank you for being here, I feel so much less alone knowing you are here with me.”
 
On the news, I saw Pity pump out her chest real big at this mention. She added, “That will teach all these people in my life who have thought I am heartless and cruel.”
 
The story gets worse…
 
The wounded woman apparently managed to sit herself up against the rocky wall and asked Pity, “Have you called for help? Does anyone know we’re down here?”
 
It is said Pity focused her eyes on the ground, feeling guilty. She did not answer.
 
The wounded woman realized their predicament, “You fool! You blindly jumped after me? Without having locked your safety first? How can you help me now?!!!”
 
On the police report, it is said Pity then started crying uncontrollably, whining about she keeps being called heartless and cruel when all she has ever wanted to do is be useful to others. “Bunch of ungrateful bastards!” she yelled out, “that’s what you all are!” 
 
Luckily, Should walked by and took inventory of the situation. He seemed pragmatic, cold, and highly logical.
 
Pointing a finger at the wounded woman first, he belted, “What were you thinking? What kind of idiot puts herself in this situation? You should know better!”
 
He then turned mercilessly on Pity too. “And you! Following suit without thinking! Just to make yourself feel better! You’re no better than her! Don’t you see? You’re both wounded!”
 
Pity started howling. “It’s all her fault! I just wanted to help! It’s not my fault she is so unconscious and can’t look where she is going! Don’t put the blame on me, pin it on her!”
 
Hearing all these harsh words, the wounded woman was stunned, speechless, as if frozen on the spot. She suddenly felt deeply guilty and ashamed of herself. “Maybe Pity and Should are right, I’m an idiot, I can’t do anything right!” She put both her hands on her face and started sobbing, having seemingly very little compassion for herself.
 
Thankfully, a loving child stopped and listened. She looked inside the pit and addressed the wounded woman. “What is your name?” she gently asked.
 
The wounded woman stopped paying attention to Pity and Should and answered, “Might as well call me Frustration.”
 
“Is this your real name?” the child asked innocently.
 
The woman paused, “No, not really. It just seems so right now; I am not seeing this situation clearly.”
 
“How may I assist you?” asked the child.
 
“Do you have a cell phone on you?” The child answered yes. “Can you please call for help?”
 
The child called and police arrived shortly. They straightened Pity and Should and congratulated the child who had remained grounded the whole time.
 
As the wounded woman hugged the child tight against her heart, the child gently whispered, “What is your real name?”
 
The woman smiled a big smile, “You can call me Love.”
 
The woman then took the child’s hands in hers compassionately remembering she is so much more than what happens to her.
 
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
 “It’s all about pie, honey!” is a blog series provided by Walking Inside Resources Inc. and dedicated to explore various emotional concepts in a pi setting. “MindFlick” is copyrighted to this company.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Author, and Authentic Speaker. You can reach me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com