Categories
Accountability Assertiveness Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Confidence Courage Creativity Curiosity Dreams Emotional Intelligence Frustration Happiness Imagination Intentions Leadership Mindfullness Relationship Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Social Awareness Trust Uncategorized WalkingInside

THREE WAYS IGNORING YOUR CREATIVITY IS BLOCKING YOUR DREAM JOB

When Joy* came to see me, she was dressed in black from head to toe, not because she found that colour trendy, but because, as she said, she thought it camouflaged her body fat. Looking at the ground as she said these words, she retreated deeply into her seat. This behaviour of hers told me a lot about Joy, how her life seemed to lack the vibrant colours of creativity. 
 
Through my talking with her, I found out she did not like her job and wanted a new position because she felt unseen and unheard by upper management. When she wrote her boss yet another memo about an ongoing problem in her division, she claimed her words landed on deaf ears. Ever been in that situation?
 
When I asked her if she had provided her boss with a viable solution to this ongoing problem, she quietly said no, then blurted out there was no point doing so because management apparently ‘never’ listens anyway.
 
 

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew the problem,

but had no solution?

 
After her work shift, Joy confessed she went home feeling grumpy and exhausted. At night, she ate her dinner in her lap and flipped through Netflix programs to see what she would be watching for the next 2-3 hours. She went to bed at about the same time every night and slept on the same side on her bed every day. When she woke up the next morning, Joy said she repeated those behaviours “pretty much the same”.
 

Can you imagine what it feels like to be stuck in a routine that blocks creativity?

 
Joy was fed up with her current job and wanted a new position. She wanted a better job with better pay. Laughing, she said she wanted to become part of upper management so she could change the ways things were done in her division. This is why Joy was coming to see me, to assist her in landing her dream job position.
 
I asked…
 

“What would it feel like to have a solution to all your problems?”

 
At first, Joy thought I was joking with her, but when she saw I was being serious, her eyes lit up, she leaned forward, and she told me how she and her co-workers would stop stressing out and getting exhausted, especially when they were low on staff and clients kept walking in.
 

“Where do you believe the root of the problem is?”

 
Joy stopped talking and looked at me. Though she was tempted to say “management” (as she confessed later), she was also starting to realize she was the one complaining about an ongoing problem while offering zero viable solution to solve it. She quietly answered, “Me.”
 
That day, I sent Joy with simple homework to do. She was to eat her dinner at the dinner table. She was to write a short paragraph about her life, storytelling style, with an anecdote and lots of feeling. She was also to switch her sleeping position head to feet and to show up in more vibrant colours the next time I was seeing her.
 

What do you believe happens when we keep ignoring our creativity?

 
At our next coaching session, Joy told me how weird it felt at first sleeping ‘upside down’ but she was now liking it. She said she can now see the moon outside her bedroom window and it is lovely. She then showed me her paragraph that she had rewritten over and over. Her smile left as she blurted ‘but it’s not perfect’. As for her clothes, she was still wearing black from head to toe.
 
Like so many, Joy was fighting her own habits, habits that were familiar to her and also kept blocking her creativity from flowing. It is any wonder she had a hard time coming up with a viable, creative solutions?
 
Through further coaching with me, Joy realized she was the solution to all her problems.
 
 
Let me ask you…
 

Why do we become non-creative?

Why do we pursue crushing routine over flowing creativity?

 
I believe the answer is, because we think it will be better.
 
Is it though? How was Joy living her life geared to constant routine ever going to advance her dream of finding creative solutions to all her problems?
 
Clearly, pursuing routine over creativity does Not work.
 
With this in mind…
 

How do things become better?

 

I believe, things become better when we focus on 

  • becoming aware of our potential. I am the solution to all my problems.

  • becoming flexible in thinking and behaviours. ‘What can I do right now to bring forth my creativity?’

  • becoming accountable for our actions. ‘How can I ensure I keep fostering my creativity and the one of others?”

 
I could certainly relate to Joy. I used to let routine rule my life and kill my creativity until I learned to embody that I am the solution to all my problems. As a result,  I changed my way of thinking and doing things and became highly accountable for all my choices.
 

Here are some rock solid tips to assist you who want to access your creativity to land your dream job:

 

  • Use mathematical precision in your creativity. A ‘love’ for constant routine is usually associated with being risk-averse. Since being creative is about being willing to take risks, incorporate mathematical like precision in your creative solutions to feel safe. For example, Joy incorporated supporting statistics as to why her division had to change their way of doing business. Seeing these stats motivated her even further to come up with a viable solution to her ongoing problem at work.

  • Get out of your own way. Play the 30 squares game. Draw 30 squares and in each square write a solution to a specific problem. Before long, you might ‘run out’ of ‘logical’ ideas and start writing down ‘crazy’ solutions. Before you know it, you are out of your way as you allow viable solutions to present themselves more naturally.

  • Have an accountability system/person in place. Though many of us say we want to become more creative, the thing is, creativity seems to scare the shit out of many. Therefore, having someone holding us accountable for our displayed level of creativity is crucial to keep us going towards our dream job.

 
Now imagine somebody has just read these tips…
 

What do you believe will be their greatest challenge?

 
Before she came to see me, Joy had all the best intentions in the world, but she lacked a solid accountability system. This is why as soon as she felt challenged in her routine habits, she familiarly went back to wearing only black.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who holds her clients highly accountable so they get to put their actions where their mouth is, and like Joy, get to implement their creative solutions. Joy is now forming a consultancy company.
 
For coaching inquiries, reach out to me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
Your Emotional Intelligence Coach,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

Categories
acceptance Accountability Anger Anxiety Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Confidence Conscience Courage Curiosity Decency Depression Dreams Emotional Boundaries Emotional Intelligence Empathy Enabling Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Friendship Frustration Gratefulness Guilt Happiness Hope Ignorance Inner Child Inner Peace Insanity Instinct Intellect Intent Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Patience Peace procrastination Reality Relationship Sadness Sanity Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Settling Shame Silent Treatment Social Awareness Space Speaking Success Support System Tolerance Trust WalkingInside

HOW TO ELIMINATE A OO7 DOUBLE LIFE

When James* called upon me, he asked that we meet in an open restaurant downtown Vancouver. Asking him why there instead of my office, he laughed and said, ‘Because I need it this way.’ 
 
On the agreed upon date and time of rendez-vous, James sat down in front of me and immediately placed his hands under the table where I could Not see them. This gesture alone told me a lot about James, how easily he pretended to be emotionally open yet felt the want to hide once in front of me.
 
Through my talking with him, I found out James was one of nine children from a very large Catholic South American family. He grew up being an altar boy, going to Sunday school, and saying prayers. But something was Not working for him… In his teenage years, he realized he was gay and being gay is apparently something deemed unacceptable in his family and culture.
 
 

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt rejected for what you are?

 
 
James moved to Vancouver, found a job, and said he met the ‘love of his life’, whom he married a couple of years later. Though saying he is happily married, James had two Facebook accounts, one ‘straight’ and one gay, to ‘spare’ the family as he said. Looking down, he confessed few people (if any) where he came from knew he was even married.
 
 

Can you imagine what it feels like to hide things from the people you love? 

 
 
In tears, James said he needed to come out of the closet as a gay and this is why he was coming to see me. He felt he could Not do it alone, he said this was too much for him to face alone.
 

 
I asked…
 
 

In a perfect world, what would your life be like right now?

 
 
Jame’s face brightened. He shared how he would only have one Facebook account and one Instagram account. He laughed saying he would show pictures from the ‘crazy’ adventures he and his husband have been on, their food expeditions, their vacations together, even their honeymoon trip…
 
I asked James if he truly loved his husband. Without hesitation he answered choking up, “Are you kidding me? He is the best thing that has ever happened to me!”
 
I replied,
 
 

When we truly love someone, including ourselves, do we hide who we are?

 
 
James burst into tears. He did Not seem to care anymore whether the waiter or other patrons saw him crying; his shoulders were heaving up and down with heavy sobs. Then he took a deep breath, clenched his teeth, and said, “I deserve better! My husband deserves better! I am coming out!” I was impressed by this fiery determination.
 
That day, he went home with homework to do. Over the next seven days, he had to call every member of his family, his eight siblings and two parents, and tell each one of them he was gay. His framework looked something like ‘I am calling to share something important to me. I am gay. Being gay is a part of me, it is Not all of me. I love you.”
 
 

Have you ever had to stand up for what you believe in? How easy was it?

 
 
At our next coaching session, James sat down with his journal open. Where he had drawn ten little people with their name on top of each, three of them were still left unmarked by an ‘X’ signifying ‘the job is done’ and they knew he was gay.
 
I open directly,
 
 

What happened to you missing your goal?

 
James grabbed his journal with both hands. He mumbled how he was Not truly close to the only sibling left on the list as this person had once sexually assaulted him when he was a kid… He also said how many of his siblings were now sending him harassment messages telling him he was ‘wrong’, going to ‘hell, and ‘Don’t tell mom and dad! They’re too old and mom’s depression is too bad!’
 
Like so many, James was caught once more living a double life, living in the background of his own life while trying to get ‘approval’ from others, especially from members of his family.
 
 

Whose approval is most important to you to be happy?

 
I pointed to the top of the page where all his little people drawings were and I asked him to write down a story title expressing what his goal is. His pen almost pierced the paper as he wrote in capital letters at the top,
 

“I AM COMING OUT!”

 
 
Let me ask you…
 

Why do we become untruthful?

Why do we pursue lies?

 
 
I believe the answer is, because we think it will be better.
 
Is it though? How was James’ constant lying about being gay going to advance his goal of coming out of the closet?
 
Clearly, denying our truth does Not work.
 
With this in mind…
 

How do things become better?

 

I believe, things become better when we focus on 

  • becoming truthful. ‘What is my truth?’

  • becoming intentional. ‘What can I do right now to uphold my truth?’

  • becoming accountable. ‘What can I do to hold myself accountable so I live my truth?

 
I could certainly relate to James. When I got married, I did not tell my then husband about the way I grew up, the level of violence. I thought he would ‘love’ me more if I buried what had happened to me as a child. Can you relate? My life changed for the better when I became truthful, intentional, and accountable.
 
 

Here are some rock solid tips to assist you who may suffer from ‘007 Double Life  Syndrome’:

Once you have identified what your truth is, whether it is to come of the closet as gay or lesbian, leave an unhappy marriage, change jobs, or …
 

  • Make a list of who needs to know. When we make the decision to come out with our truth, often, we tend to believe everyone ‘must’ know all at once. Spare yourself feeling overwhelmed, work in stages.

  • Come up with an on point message telling your truth. Keep it short. Keep it sweet. Keep it to the point. Understand there is plenty of time later to go into the ‘Why did this happen?’ if you ever chose to.

  • Have an accountability system/person in place. Though many of us say we ‘know’ what we need to do in order to be happy, many of us end up losing our nerve when the stakes are deemed high.Therefore, having someone on your team who is Not emotionally attached to your situation allows for actions with a greater sense of clarity.

 
 
Now imagine somebody has just read these tips…
 

What do you believe will be their greatest challenge?

 
Before James came to see me, he had all the best intentions in the world, BUT he lacked a solid accountability system. This is why as soon as he went into ‘What will they think of me?’ he lost his nerve of telling his truth to his family.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who holds her clients highly accountable so they get to live their truth openly, and like James, get to come out at the top of their story page.
 
For coaching inquiries, reach out to me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
Your Emotional Intelligence Coach,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

Categories
Accountability Anxiety Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Conscience Courage Curiosity Decency Depression Dreams Emotional Intelligence Empathy Enabling Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Frustration Gratefulness Guilt Happiness Hope Ignorance Inner Child Inner Peace Insanity Instinct Intellect Intent Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Patience Peace procrastination Racism Reality Relationship Sadness Sanity Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Space Success Tolerance Trust WalkingInside

ROUND AND ROUND

ROUND AND ROUND
 
Round and round
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life.
Ups and downs,
We think that’s life
Until we get off our mount.
 
Round and round
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life.
Laughter and tears
We think we’re here
Until we go deep within.
 
In and in
We go again
On the merry-go-round of life,
Darkness and light
Fuse into one
Until we go round and round.
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
What makes any of us go round and round in circles?
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
Categories
Accountability Anger Assertiveness Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Confidence Courage Curiosity Depression Dreams Emotional Intelligence Equality freedom Frustration Gratefulness Happiness Ignorance Inner Peace Intent Intentions Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Reality Relationship Satisfaction Self-empowerment Self-Worth WalkingInside

WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE TO SAY, “IT’S NOT WORK ANYMORE”

I have just spent the last 90 minutes with my mentor Dov Baron. As he leads me to the elevator, he asks me,
 
“What are you doing tonight?”
 
I pause and answer, “There’s this blog I want to finish writing after my walk, but that’s not work, it’s not work anymore”
 
Dov looks at me with a smile on his face, his face soft, a nod of acknowledgement following my revelation.
 
I walk outside and I think about what I had just said, “It’s not work anymore”. The more I am pondering, the more I am coming to the following realization…
 
When the concierge in my building made a comment again that he had seen me late ‘at work’ again, I paused, unsure what to say. I mean, how do we explain to someone that writing is my passion and it is not work for me anymore?
 
When a friend called and asked, “Hey, what are you working on right now?” I caught myself pausing, unsure what to answer again. Working on a speaking presentation, making workshops proposals, coaching clients… well… that’s not work anymore either.
 

So, what has been happening?

 
I grew up in a very blue collar community, where most people never attend college after high school if they finish high school at all. In this environment, I developed specific ideas about work and they are not pretty…
 

Work is something like

  • “a job with a minimum of 40 hours at minimum wage and shitty benefits”

  • “a job where my boss irritates me and my co-workers are so-so”

  • “a job where I am ‘chained’ to a desk doing ‘chores’ I do not wish to do”

 
 
Sounds terrible, doesn’t it?
 
And yet, this is how many people, including the old me, view work, as some kind of slave ogre master taking away the freedom of little children…
 

Can you relate?

 
Wanting to know more about ‘work’, I check into my French etymology dictionary to see where the hell did my parents get their ideas of work from…
 
Turns out,
 

travailler, travail’ (to work, work), as early as the 12th century, 

means ‘torment, suffering’.

 
 
SAY WHAT!
 
From the 16th century on,
 

‘travailler’ starts taking its modern meaning: 

“to give our self misery for”.

 
SOOOOOOOO……..
 
If I get this straight… the French went from being a victim of work to victimizing themselves about work?
 

What kind evolution progress is this???

 
Maybe the English know to suffer less than the French?
 
Turns out,
 

“work” comes from 

the Old English woerc

Germanic wyrcan

Dutch werk

and German werk

 
The irony does not escape me… the English have had to check the core meaning of work across four nations? O_O
 
Guess what?
 

Work in English, just like work in French, 

are both derived from the latin trepaliare

which means to torture, to inflict suffering or agony. 

 
 
Insight of this,
 
 

WHO THE HELL WANTS TO WORK?!!!

 
 
Maybe, the Chinese can enlighten a little?…
 
In Chinese Mandarin,
 
Work translates into 工作 (gongzuo)
 

工 (gong)

means worker, the working class BUT it also has the meaning of skill, craftsmanship, to be versed in, to be good at
 

作 (zuo)

means to rise, to grow, to write, to compose, writings (as in ‘the works’)
 
 
Therefore, for the Chinese,
 

工作 (gongzuo) means to develop one’s craftsmanship 

so one can rise and grow?

 
 
SOUNDS LIKE PASSION TO ME!
 
This is just it!
 
I love what I do! I love speaking, coaching, and blogging! These ‘activities’ are not work anymore, they are vehicles for passion, bringing more compassion into our world.
 
When I used to believe that work was work, I had very little compassion for myself. I mainly came from a place of duty and obligation. I was very much a victim of my own closed-minded upbringing.
 
Once I started developing compassion for myself, my ‘work’ became less about work and more about passion, a rising and growing flame that  keeps burning bright inside my heart.
 
Do I have my moments when some of the stuff I need to do feels like work? Yes. Bookkeeping is such a thing for me. This is why I have contracted this work out, so I can keep focusing on Compassion, my Burning Passion inside of me.
 
SOUNDS MIGHTY FULFILLING!
 
Therefore, if work is still work for you, perhaps it is high time you hire an Emotional Intelligence Coach or Mentor.
Why?
 

Because if you knew how to turn your work into passion,

you would already be living it right now….

.
.
.
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach and a Work Myth Buster. Contact me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With Compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

Categories
Accountability Anger Anxiety Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Compassion Confidence Decency Emotional Boundaries Emotional Intelligence Enabling freedom Frustration Ignorance Inner Peace Instinct Intellect Intent Intentions Leadership Love Mindfullness Parenting Self Reality Relationship Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Settling Social Awareness Stress WalkingInside

HOW TO ADDRESS A HAND ON A NON-CONSENSUAL LOWER BACK

As soon as I enter the room, I spot him right away. He is not hard to miss, really, for he looks like a beautiful social butterfly, passing a joke to a man with a hand on their shoulder, shaking another man’s hand on their way out. What I find deeply intriguing is how his behaviour seems to change when facing women…
 
I watch him approach a female full frontal. To me, she appears like a nice girl, you know, the type that rather turns beet red instead of speaking up? Smiling a smile I believe does not quite reach his eyes, without even asking her, he pulls her hard into his arms. She laughs nervously and says… nothing!
 
I ask my girlfriend, “Who is he?”
 
She laughs, “It’s….  He’s actually harmless, Anne, he does this to all women.”
 
I look at her, shocked. “You mean, he is allowed to behave like this because this is what he does?”
 
She shrugs, “What’s you gonna do? I just ignore it.”
 
 

How many of us allow a potentially offensive behaviour 

to continue, just because ‘that’s what we do’?

 
 
I ask her, “Has he ever done this to you?”
 
“Yeah, several times.”
 
“Where has he touched you?”
 
She shrugs, “O, you know, he hugs me, gives me kisses on my cheeks.”
 
“Does he even know you’re married?”
 
“Yeah, I think so. He’s married too, very pretty wife. She’s not here tonight.”
 
My eyes grow bigger.
 
“Anne, he’s harmless!”
 
I am unconvinced. In my past, I have seen my share of men taking physical and emotional advantage of unassertive women. How do I know? I used to be a doormat for guys like him.
 
Our social butterfly zeroes in on me and swiftly walks over. Quickly cocking his head into mine, he smacks his right hand possessively on my lower back, pulls me closer to him physically, and asks ‘smiling’, “Who are you and what do you do?”
 
I look at him with zero smile on my face or in my eyes. “I’m Anne, I’m an Emotional Intelligence Coach.”
 
“A whaaat?”
 
I take a deep breath. “I assist people understand why they do what they do, like what you are doing with your right hand. Remove it now.”
 
Maybe it is my tone and body language… but he physically takes a step back. He stutters, “I’m… I’m… educated… and I don’t even understand what you do!”
 
“You’re educated? ‘Educated’ means something else to me, but get this….” By the time I finish listing my academic and professional accreditations, he throws both his arms in the air, and says the most fascinating thing ever,  “How do I compete with this? You just emasculated me!”
 
On this, he walks away, seemingly unhappy.
 
 
Let’s stop for a moment and consider,
 

Why do some women get uncomfortable 

when a hand is placed upon their lower back?

 
 
To answer this question,
 

Did you know our LOWER BACK is often associated with 

the feeling of FREEDOM?

 
 
Therefore,

If our lower back is touched in a non-consensual way, 

survival mode often kicks in…

 

some of us will…

say nothing (freeze) or

walk away (flight) or

insult or push back physically (fight)

 
Not a great place place to be in any case, if you ask me.
 
Therefore, let’s understand,
 

What might be the hidden purpose of a hand 

placed on another’s lower back?

 
Is it a sign of friendly gesture?
 
Is it a loose attempt at flirting?
 
Is it a focused attempt at testing the waters to see if can go lower?
 
I don’t know about you, but this social butterfly did give me some clue as to his own motives when he said, “How can I compete with this? You just emasculated me!”
 
Now,
 

If a hand is placed onto a non-consensual lower back, 

how much of it is a claim for domination?

 
You be the judge.
 

Here are some coaching tips for women who are having issues with unwanted hands placed onto their lower back:

 

  • Acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation. Pay attention to the physical signs showing up in your body. Are you tensing up? Does your breathing become shallower? When we become anxious, often, we stop breathing deeply, which signals the brain we are in the presence of some kind of personal danger.

  • Breathe deeply. Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” If it is for the other person to remove their hand from your lower back, breathe deeply and firmly affirm, “Remove your hand now.”

  • Take action. Some people might not take well to an assertive woman. For example, snide remarks might be made. My question to you is, “Who is more important to you, you or them?” If the answer is you, stand by your position. If you think others are more important, then why did you read this blog to the end?…

 
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who believe we are all deserving of strong emotional boundaries. I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

Categories
acceptance Accountability Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Conscience Courage Curiosity Depression Emotional Boundaries Emotional Intelligence Empathy Equality Frustration Happiness Inner Peace Intent Intentions Intuition Leadership Love Mindfullness Parenting Self procrastination Reality Relationship Satisfaction Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Silent Treatment Social Awareness Stress Tolerance WalkingInside

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY, WHAT IS IT ABOUT?

What if I were to tell you that taking responsibility has nothing to do with shaming or guilt tripping, what would you answer to that?
If you are like the old me, you might answer something like:
“That’s horse shit!”
“Of course taking responsibility comes with shame and guilt! How else do you expect anyone to become responsible if they do not feel wrath?”
 
But is it true? 
 
 
Just so we are on the same page here, I believe
 

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

means to

ACKNOWLEDGE the CHOICES we have MADE

and

ACCEPTING THE RESULTS we currently have.

 
 

The CHOICES we have made, being:

-> The words we spoke

-> The actions we took

-> The words we refused to speak

-> The actions we refused to take

 
 

The RESULTS we currently have, being:

-> what we currently perceive as good, bad, or ugly in our life

 
 
When my children were little, like any good parent I guess, I wanted to teach them about taking responsibility.
Case at point…
As my young son kept leaving his socks scattered all over the house, I yelled at him and gave him the cold shoulder. One day, I lost my shit and put all his clean and dirty socks into one big bag that I hid inside my bedroom closet. With zero socks to wear the next day, that ought to teach him, right?
 
 

How many of you have ever used yelling, 

given the cold shoulder, or

taken away a privilege 

as a way to teach someone how to take responsibility?

 
 
Now let’s assume for a moment
we all agree on the definition of taking responsibility:
 

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY 

means to

ACKNOWLEDGE the CHOICES we have MADE

and

ACCEPTING THE RESULTS we currently have.

 
 
Let’s look at the sock tragedy.
 

  • Did my son acknowledge the ‘bad’ choice he had made, aka leave his socks scattered all over? No, he did not. Why not?

 
 

To ACKNOWLEDGE a perceived ‘bad’ behaviour, 

one has first to be aware INSIDE THEMSELVES 

that something might need to change. 

 
If this is true, then either my son was unaware of his sock behaviour (clearly not the case based on my yelling alone) or his sock behaviour suited him just fine. Therefore, in his view, there might have been nothing needing change inside of him, hence the lack of acknowledgement?…
 
 
 

  • Did my son accept the results he currently had, aka, have all his socks hidden in my closet? No, he did not have to. Why not?

 
 

To ACCEPT a RESULT, 

one has to first acknowledge

they have played a role in said result.

 
 
Let me remind you here…
Who yelled? Me.
Who gave the cold shoulder? Me.
Who hid the socks? Me. 
Soooo, if I did not teach my son how to take responsibility, what is it exactly I have taught him?
 

  • Tuning out. From me, he has learned how to disconnect, ignore, dismiss. Sounds harsh? How many of you tune out when someone is yelling at you?

  • Becoming invisible. From me, he has learned to soothe and please in order to appease irregardless of his feelings and emotions. Sounds terrible? How many of you walk on eggs when given the cold shoulder?

  • Dismiss own needs. From me, he has learned to forego his own needs, tell himself he does not care for much (I took all his socks!!!). Sounds horrifying? How many of you have ever felt less than after you lost a privilege?

 
In light of what I have just shared with you, how can anyone take responsibility when they are tuning out, becoming invisible, and dismissing their own needs? 
Where is the integrity? 
The love of self? 
The self-worth? 
I believe the integrity, self-love, and self-worth are being stripped away with yelling, cold shoulder, and privileges removal.
 
I have personally found out that,
 

To take responsibility, one needs integrity.

 

To take responsibility, one needs self-love.

 

To take responsibility, one needs self-worth.

 
So, how do we take responsibility? 
 
We take responsibility by becoming self-aware of who we are and what we need while at the same time aligning our self to what we say, think and do. Only then can we develop the integrity to acknowledge and accept all the choices we have made.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who assists her clients in taking full responsibility for the choices they have made in their life. You can reach me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

Categories
acceptance Accountability Anger Awareness Blind Spots Compassion Curiosity Emotional Intelligence Frustration Happiness Inner Peace Joy Leadership Love Mindfullness Parenting Self Reality Relationship Self-empowerment Social Awareness Tolerance

WHY TOLERANCE IS LIKE A COLICKY BABY…

“A girlfriend of Acceptance set her up with Rejection, a well-known ‘bad boy’ in the hood. Their attraction was apparently so strong that they madly, blindly fell for each other and a taciturn child was produced from this extreme union. Prone to colics since birth, this baby was named Tolerance.” 
 
For many of us, eating pie can be comforting while trying to figure out life. So pull up a chair, grab a slice of pi, and let’s see together what is the deal with Acceptance, Rejection, Tolerance.
 

What is Acceptance?

 
It has been claimed that,
 

Acceptance is the action or process of being received 

as adequate or suitable. 

 
When we accept something, we are like this adult with both knees on the ground who sees a small child running to them with open arms. 
 
Our eyes are mainly focused on the heart, we see the child’s heart, we openly welcome it. 
 
We are not thinking whether it is good or bad. We choose to see it for what it truly is, a laughing heart running towards us with open arms.
 
 

What is Rejection?

 
It is often said,
 

Rejection is the action or process of being dismissed 

as inadequate or unsuitable. 

 
When we reject something, we are like this adult who turns their back on a small child running to them with open arms. 
 
Our eyes are mainly focused on the exterior, we see with the mind, we judge, discrimate, dismiss.
 
We are most likely unconcerned with the child’s heart. We might choose to see it for what it is NOT, something unlovable and unwanted.
 
 
Based on these two definitions, can you see how Acceptance and Rejection are two extremes of the same pole?
 
And how
 

All things that have extreme opposites usually contain a mad, 

blind attraction to each other. 

 
When Acceptance and Rejection shack up together, they usually produce what I call a taciturn relationship. A taciturn relationship means reserved or uncommunicative, saying little.
 
 
 

What do you believe happens in a relationship 

when what needs to be said consistently remains unsaid? 

When we choose to keep turning a blind eye to what is?

 

We give birth to Tolerance!

 
 
 

What is Tolerance?

 
For many,
 

Tolerance is the ability or willingness to endure something

 we might not necessarily agree with. 

 
 

Is Tolerance healthy?

 
I don’t know about you, but I have lived and witnessed a colicky baby such as Tolerance…
 

On the surface, Tolerance looks peaceful, as if accepting what is…

 

until the moment when the internal pain becomes too much…

 

and Tolerance explodes in screaming rejection…

 
 
Soooo,
 
Next time you feel like Tolerance is the consistent way to go in your relationships, you might want to consider what it is exactly you are accepting to keep quiet in the fear of feeling the pain of rejection.
 
With Love & Compassion,
Anne
 
“It’s all about pie, honey!” is a blog series provided by Walking Inside Resources Inc. and dedicated to explore various emotional concepts in a context of storytelling and possibly humour.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Bestselling Author, and Authentic Speaker. To book a complimentary 20 minutes coaching session, you can reach me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

Categories
Accountability Anger Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Curiosity Emotional Boundaries Emotional Intelligence Frustration Happiness Intent Intentions Love Mindfullness Reality Relationship Satisfaction Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Settling Social Awareness Stress Trust WalkingInside

WHY A BREAK-UP MAY NOT BE A TRUE SOLUTION

“I broke up with him, I moved out, I’m done!” says my new coaching client. Her voice sounds like a mixture of anger, hurt, and frustration.
 
“Are you sure you are done?”  She has been married for quite a few years now.
 
She avoids answering clearly. “I moved out, what else you want to hear?!”
 
“Moving out does not necessarily mean we are ‘done’ with a relationship. Do you still love him?”
 
Her tone rises. “No, I don’t! I stopped loving him long ago!”
 
I ask, “What made you stay then?”
 
“I did not have the money to leave and I thought.. perhaps… he would change.”
 
“What made you keep hoping for hope that he will change though you say you are done already?”
 
She stops for a moment, maybe realizing her anger might be blinding her? 
 
The moment for possible accountability passes, she goes into attacking character, “Well, you do not know him, he will never change, he is a liar and a bullshitter! I told him I would never go back to the man he is right now unless he changes.”
 
“So you have made a proposal for reconciliation?”
 
“Whaaaat?” She stops, unsure what to say next. Yes, being accountable 100% for our words and actions can be daunting at times.
 
“But, but… you don’t know all the mean things he has said to me!” She wants to show me text messages and I stop her. My job is to assist her in gaining clarity, not debate who is right or wrong.
 
“Tell me, after having read all these ‘mean’ texts to you, do you trust him?” 
 
She laughs what I call a contempt laugh, it is like a rock mixed with laughter. “Pfff! Would you trust someone like that?”
 
She keeps deflecting. I repeat the question, “Do you trust him?”
 
“No! Trust is 100% gone!”
 
“If trust is 100% gone, then what made you make him an offer of reconciliation?”
 
She pauses again then shakes her head, “No! He would have to do so much for me to trust him again.”
 
“Like what?”
 
“Like be here for me.”
 
“What does that mean to you?”
 
She gives me a look like I am stupid or something. I laugh and say, “Pretend I am 5 years old. Because you know what? When we are wounded, chances are we are behaving like a 5 year old in that moment.”
 
She relaxes, “We would be together, you know, together!”
 
“What does this mean to you, ‘together together’? Be specific. Go deeper.” 
 
“I want him to ask me how my day was when he comes home. I want him to sit down on the sofa with me and listen to me talk about my day, whether it is good or bad.”
 
“How long does he need to sit with you for?” 
 
We could hear a pin drop. “Fifteen minutes.”
 
“How many times a day? A week?” She answers every day, once a day.
 
“Have you ever made this specific request, “I need you to sit on the couch once a day, every day, when you come home from work, and listen to me talk about my day for fifteen minutes, whether my day is good or bad.”
 
“Well, not exactly, but he knoowwwwws!”
 
“Does he? Maybe he does not, you just moved out.”
 
She looks at the table. I up the pressure a bit, “You said you have lost all trust in him. If he were to exactly meet your demand, how many times or how long does he have to do it before you trust him again?”
 
“I… I don’t understand the question.”  
 
“Trust is earned, isn’t it? So how many times does he have to show you he has ‘changed’ before you accept the ‘change’?”
 
“I don’t know. Right now, it seems like I can never trust him again.”
 
“If this is true, then what made you do a proposal for reconciliation?”
 
“Because I want to make sure 100% I am making the right decision.”
 
“Ah! So you are trying to get clear at the expense of someone else? Someone who perhaps might happen to be your own reflection in the mirror?”
 
“….I … I thought we were different. This way, it was so easy to blame him for everything…”
 
 
Let’s stop here for a moment…
 

WHY a break-up may not be a true solution? 

Because…

 

  • We may lack clarity on knowing and expressing our specific needs and wants.

  • We might cast shame and blame easily. We might use anger, hurt, and frustration as weapons to prove we are ‘right’.

  • We perhaps hope against hope that he/she will change.

  • We often behave like a wounded 5 year old.

 
Now,
What do you believe will happen to my client in her next relationship if she does not get clear about herself?
What do you believe will happen to you in your next relationship if you do not get clear about you?
You be the judge.
 
I trust you have found value in this article. My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who assists her clients GET CLEAR before they make LIFE decisions. I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With Love & Compassion,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

Categories
Accountability Anger Anxiety Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Compassion Conscience Courage Curiosity Emotional Intelligence Empathy Equality freedom Frustration Gratefulness Happiness Inner Child Inner Peace Intent Leadership Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Peace Reality Relationship Self-empowerment Self-Worth Social Awareness Trust WalkingInside

FROM FRUSTRATION TO LOVE

This week’s MindFlick is as follows:  “I heard on the news that Pity and Should tried together to save a woman who had fallen unconsciously into an apparently giant pit. Police identified the wounded woman as Frustration.”
 
For many of us, pie can be comforting when trying to figure things out. So pull up a chair, glad a slice of pi, and let’s see what happened with this case.
 
Let’s start at the scene…
 
Pity reported she was walking on the street minding her own business (she says) when she saw this woman unconsciously falling into a giant pit.
 
“I immediately rushed over,” she confessed. “I quickly looked around and saw it was my moment to shine.”  Trying to be brave perhaps, she jumped into the pit after the fallen woman.
 
“I grabbed her hand,” Pity smiles, “I asked her if she was okay.”
 
Visibly shaken, the wounded woman apparently thanked Pity profusely. “Thank you for being here, I feel so much less alone knowing you are here with me.”
 
On the news, I saw Pity pump out her chest real big at this mention. She added, “That will teach all these people in my life who have thought I am heartless and cruel.”
 
The story gets worse…
 
The wounded woman apparently managed to sit herself up against the rocky wall and asked Pity, “Have you called for help? Does anyone know we’re down here?”
 
It is said Pity focused her eyes on the ground, feeling guilty. She did not answer.
 
The wounded woman realized their predicament, “You fool! You blindly jumped after me? Without having locked your safety first? How can you help me now?!!!”
 
On the police report, it is said Pity then started crying uncontrollably, whining about she keeps being called heartless and cruel when all she has ever wanted to do is be useful to others. “Bunch of ungrateful bastards!” she yelled out, “that’s what you all are!” 
 
Luckily, Should walked by and took inventory of the situation. He seemed pragmatic, cold, and highly logical.
 
Pointing a finger at the wounded woman first, he belted, “What were you thinking? What kind of idiot puts herself in this situation? You should know better!”
 
He then turned mercilessly on Pity too. “And you! Following suit without thinking! Just to make yourself feel better! You’re no better than her! Don’t you see? You’re both wounded!”
 
Pity started howling. “It’s all her fault! I just wanted to help! It’s not my fault she is so unconscious and can’t look where she is going! Don’t put the blame on me, pin it on her!”
 
Hearing all these harsh words, the wounded woman was stunned, speechless, as if frozen on the spot. She suddenly felt deeply guilty and ashamed of herself. “Maybe Pity and Should are right, I’m an idiot, I can’t do anything right!” She put both her hands on her face and started sobbing, having seemingly very little compassion for herself.
 
Thankfully, a loving child stopped and listened. She looked inside the pit and addressed the wounded woman. “What is your name?” she gently asked.
 
The wounded woman stopped paying attention to Pity and Should and answered, “Might as well call me Frustration.”
 
“Is this your real name?” the child asked innocently.
 
The woman paused, “No, not really. It just seems so right now; I am not seeing this situation clearly.”
 
“How may I assist you?” asked the child.
 
“Do you have a cell phone on you?” The child answered yes. “Can you please call for help?”
 
The child called and police arrived shortly. They straightened Pity and Should and congratulated the child who had remained grounded the whole time.
 
As the wounded woman hugged the child tight against her heart, the child gently whispered, “What is your real name?”
 
The woman smiled a big smile, “You can call me Love.”
 
The woman then took the child’s hands in hers compassionately remembering she is so much more than what happens to her.
 
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
 “It’s all about pie, honey!” is a blog series provided by Walking Inside Resources Inc. and dedicated to explore various emotional concepts in a pi setting. “MindFlick” is copyrighted to this company.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Author, and Authentic Speaker. You can reach me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com