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HOW TO ELIMINATE A OO7 DOUBLE LIFE

When James* called upon me, he asked that we meet in an open restaurant downtown Vancouver. Asking him why there instead of my office, he laughed and said, ‘Because I need it this way.’ 
 
On the agreed upon date and time of rendez-vous, James sat down in front of me and immediately placed his hands under the table where I could Not see them. This gesture alone told me a lot about James, how easily he pretended to be emotionally open yet felt the want to hide once in front of me.
 
Through my talking with him, I found out James was one of nine children from a very large Catholic South American family. He grew up being an altar boy, going to Sunday school, and saying prayers. But something was Not working for him… In his teenage years, he realized he was gay and being gay is apparently something deemed unacceptable in his family and culture.
 
 

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt rejected for what you are?

 
 
James moved to Vancouver, found a job, and said he met the ‘love of his life’, whom he married a couple of years later. Though saying he is happily married, James had two Facebook accounts, one ‘straight’ and one gay, to ‘spare’ the family as he said. Looking down, he confessed few people (if any) where he came from knew he was even married.
 
 

Can you imagine what it feels like to hide things from the people you love? 

 
 
In tears, James said he needed to come out of the closet as a gay and this is why he was coming to see me. He felt he could Not do it alone, he said this was too much for him to face alone.
 

 
I asked…
 
 

In a perfect world, what would your life be like right now?

 
 
Jame’s face brightened. He shared how he would only have one Facebook account and one Instagram account. He laughed saying he would show pictures from the ‘crazy’ adventures he and his husband have been on, their food expeditions, their vacations together, even their honeymoon trip…
 
I asked James if he truly loved his husband. Without hesitation he answered choking up, “Are you kidding me? He is the best thing that has ever happened to me!”
 
I replied,
 
 

When we truly love someone, including ourselves, do we hide who we are?

 
 
James burst into tears. He did Not seem to care anymore whether the waiter or other patrons saw him crying; his shoulders were heaving up and down with heavy sobs. Then he took a deep breath, clenched his teeth, and said, “I deserve better! My husband deserves better! I am coming out!” I was impressed by this fiery determination.
 
That day, he went home with homework to do. Over the next seven days, he had to call every member of his family, his eight siblings and two parents, and tell each one of them he was gay. His framework looked something like ‘I am calling to share something important to me. I am gay. Being gay is a part of me, it is Not all of me. I love you.”
 
 

Have you ever had to stand up for what you believe in? How easy was it?

 
 
At our next coaching session, James sat down with his journal open. Where he had drawn ten little people with their name on top of each, three of them were still left unmarked by an ‘X’ signifying ‘the job is done’ and they knew he was gay.
 
I open directly,
 
 

What happened to you missing your goal?

 
James grabbed his journal with both hands. He mumbled how he was Not truly close to the only sibling left on the list as this person had once sexually assaulted him when he was a kid… He also said how many of his siblings were now sending him harassment messages telling him he was ‘wrong’, going to ‘hell, and ‘Don’t tell mom and dad! They’re too old and mom’s depression is too bad!’
 
Like so many, James was caught once more living a double life, living in the background of his own life while trying to get ‘approval’ from others, especially from members of his family.
 
 

Whose approval is most important to you to be happy?

 
I pointed to the top of the page where all his little people drawings were and I asked him to write down a story title expressing what his goal is. His pen almost pierced the paper as he wrote in capital letters at the top,
 

“I AM COMING OUT!”

 
 
Let me ask you…
 

Why do we become untruthful?

Why do we pursue lies?

 
 
I believe the answer is, because we think it will be better.
 
Is it though? How was James’ constant lying about being gay going to advance his goal of coming out of the closet?
 
Clearly, denying our truth does Not work.
 
With this in mind…
 

How do things become better?

 

I believe, things become better when we focus on 

  • becoming truthful. ‘What is my truth?’

  • becoming intentional. ‘What can I do right now to uphold my truth?’

  • becoming accountable. ‘What can I do to hold myself accountable so I live my truth?

 
I could certainly relate to James. When I got married, I did not tell my then husband about the way I grew up, the level of violence. I thought he would ‘love’ me more if I buried what had happened to me as a child. Can you relate? My life changed for the better when I became truthful, intentional, and accountable.
 
 

Here are some rock solid tips to assist you who may suffer from ‘007 Double Life  Syndrome’:

Once you have identified what your truth is, whether it is to come of the closet as gay or lesbian, leave an unhappy marriage, change jobs, or …
 

  • Make a list of who needs to know. When we make the decision to come out with our truth, often, we tend to believe everyone ‘must’ know all at once. Spare yourself feeling overwhelmed, work in stages.

  • Come up with an on point message telling your truth. Keep it short. Keep it sweet. Keep it to the point. Understand there is plenty of time later to go into the ‘Why did this happen?’ if you ever chose to.

  • Have an accountability system/person in place. Though many of us say we ‘know’ what we need to do in order to be happy, many of us end up losing our nerve when the stakes are deemed high.Therefore, having someone on your team who is Not emotionally attached to your situation allows for actions with a greater sense of clarity.

 
 
Now imagine somebody has just read these tips…
 

What do you believe will be their greatest challenge?

 
Before James came to see me, he had all the best intentions in the world, BUT he lacked a solid accountability system. This is why as soon as he went into ‘What will they think of me?’ he lost his nerve of telling his truth to his family.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who holds her clients highly accountable so they get to live their truth openly, and like James, get to come out at the top of their story page.
 
For coaching inquiries, reach out to me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
Your Emotional Intelligence Coach,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
 

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HOW FAR AM I WILLING TO GO?

HOW FAR AM I WILLING TO GO?
 
Am I willing to go beyond the stars
Where you and I were born
Where the sun befriends the moon
Where rainbows bridge us all?
 
Am I willing to go further than the eye can see
Where trees plant their roots
Where flowers drop their seeds
Where leaves take in the colours of seasons?
 
Am I willing to go deeper than the ocean floor
Where all the river beds make one
Where the illusion of division is triumphed over
Where we all feel as one?
 
How far am I willing to go?
 
I am willing to go
At the centre of myself
Where I hear it all begins
The point of origin
That unites us all.
 
I am willing to go
Where ‘broken’ lines disappear
Where there is no you or me
Where there is only a we.
 
I am willing to go
Where love is no more a concept
Where love becomes fully being
Where love is visible in all.
 
If ever I think I have reached this place
Where I hear it all begins
Ask me again
‘How far am I willing to go?’
And I will come back to
Being in the here and now
Until we all feel that we belong.
 
With Compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
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I — USED TO THINK

I — USED TO THINK
 
I used to think
A tree was just a tree
I saw it with my own mind
Roots, trunk, branches, leaves.
 
I used to think
You were different than me
I saw it with my own mind
Bodies, fences, judgement, fear.
 
Thanks to my mentor, I met me
For a moment, I stopped thinking,
In stillness, my mind cracked open
Discovering sunshine cooling breeze within.
 
How refreshing
To hear inside the giggles of a small child
Who never thought we were separate
Who’s always known we all belong.
 
Because of my love for this child and me
The lines in my mind are becoming blurry
If there is nothing separating you from me
Then, who am I? What are we?
 
Willing to know, I ask her to show me the way
How I may serve her from a place of integrity
Laughing, she is showing a world full of wonders
Where roots and bodies, you and me,
Are merging into, this or something greater,
Then… I used to think.
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
 
To know more about Soul Leadership: www.fullmontyleadership.com
 
P.S. With this post, I am including more forms and patterns I have seen when opening up pictures. This time, I am not showing the pictures they may have originated from because I want you to imagine what can possibly give rise to …
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WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT SADNESS?

If I were to ask you right now,
 

“Where does sadness come from?”

 
What is your answer?
 
 
I have come to realize that ‘sadness’ is one of these big words that so many people use without truly stopping to ask themselves,
 

“What does sadness mean to me?” 

 
 
At least, this used to be my case in the past…
 
 
But now, I am fascinated with what I call blanket words, words we seem to throw casually over whatever event, person, or situation we might be unable to cope with at the present moment…
 
Sounds familiar? 
 
As usual for me lately, when I want to know to the bottom of something, I start where it all begins… with the words we were taught as children…
 
 

In English, the word sadness (sad) first came from Germanic origin, saed,

meaning ‘sated, wary’.

 
 
As you may probably know, the word ‘sated’ is linked to ‘saturated’, meaning ‘having enough’ or ‘feeling full’.
 
Sooo,
 

Is sadness ‘having enough wariness that we feel full?’

 
If this is the case, then this statement implies there is no other room within ourselves to experience any other feeling in that moment.
 
Is it true?
 
Is it always true?
 
Most likely Not!
 
Therefore,
 

Is sadness a feeling that can be felt in conjunction with other feelings?

 
 
Wooooo….
 
Then it begs the question,
 

“Why so sad if joy is just beside?”

 
 
 
I kept on digging….
 
Turns out the word sadness took its saed away and turned to the Dutch zat, the German satt and the Latin satis, also meaning ‘enough’. But then, something fascinating happened!
 

The original meaning of sadness was replaced in Middle English 

by the senses ‘steadfast, firm, serious, sober’.

 
 
OK, now I am going to poke fun here…
 

Is sadness a steadfast feeling? 

 
According to Google, steadfast means “resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering.’
 
HOLY SPITBALLS!
 

Is sadness something we must resolutely and dutifully 

firm and unwavering feel?

 
To say resolutely, one has to determinedly agree to to be sad first.
 
To say dutifully, one has to agree to continue feeling sad out of ‘duty’.
 
To say firm and unwavering, one has to believe they have zero choice in the matter.
 
Is it true?
 
Is it always true?
 
 
 
Apparently, it is only much much later that the English decided to give sadness the meaning of ‘sorrowful’, ‘a feeling involving grief or loss’.
 
Wow, it seems to have taken the English quite a long time to figure out what sadness means to them?
 
Now, maybe the French know ‘better’?
 

The word ‘tristesse’ comes from the Latin tristicia, tristitia, meaning

… an affliction

… a melancholic temperament

… an ambiance marked by affliction or melancholy

… an aspect of something that triggers a state of affliction

 
 
Fascinating, is you ask me!
 
Why?
 

If sadness is ONE aspect of our self that is feeling afflicted,

then it implies we have within our self OTHER aspects that are non-sad.

 
 
HOLY REVELATION!
 
This is amazing news for anyone who has ever believed they might never come out of depression.
 
This means, sadness is just but one feeling within our self that, we can choose to feel and move to joy and happiness.
 
When I hit what I call the shitter, I had no idea I had been depressed my whole life.
 
I mean,
 

How would anyone know they are depressed 

if they grew up with depressed people (their normal)? 

 
 
For me, feeling depressed was my normal, what I grew up with. Therefore, unknowingly (this is what normal does, engrain stuff in us), I carried this feeling of depression with me throughout most of my life.
 
I never quite understood why other people could be so happy looking at a flower or hugging a tree… until I met my mentor Dov Baron. He showed me sadness was just one feeling within me, that there were many others, and I could choose to feel more positive feelings into my life.
 
WELCOME SELF-EMPOWERMENT!
 
Yes, it has taken me a lot of self-compassion to change my negatively wired upbringing to feel more positive feelings of well-being.
 
Here is the thing though, if I can do it with a deeply raging father who sexually abused me as a child and a psychotic mother who believed she was pregnant with Jesus Christ, I firmly believe you also have the power within yourself to change your life. We all do!
 
The question is,
 

“What meaning are you now willing to assign to sadness?”

 
I trust you have found value in this article. My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Authentic Speaker, and Compassion Blogger. I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With Compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

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acceptance Accountability Assertiveness Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Commitment Compassion Confidence Conscience Courage Curiosity Dreams Emotional Intelligence Empathy Enabling Equality Faith Forgiveness freedom Friendship Gratefulness Happiness Hope Ignorance Inner Child Inner Peace Instinct Intellect Intent Intentions Intuition Joy Leadership Life Purpose Love Magic Mindfullness Parenting Self Patience Peace procrastination Reality Relationship Satisfaction Self-Confidence Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Settling Social Awareness Space Speaking Success Tolerance Trust WalkingInside

AWAKENING

AWAKENING
 
I awoke in the middle of the night,
Frightened and scared,
Thinking I was alone.
I looked around the bedroom,
Stillness and shadows greeting me.
What an unfamiliar sight, I thought to myself,
To be alone with one’s thoughts,
To be shyly greeting one’s feelings.
 
Out of habit,
I called out a name,
Thinking you would come,
But the echo came back empty.
I did not yet understand,
Love is neither a name or a game,
It is a flowing feeling,
Like waves, rising and falling,
Amidst our own waters.
 
Thinking I knew better,
I turned my bed into a raft,
I paddled day and night,
Still hoping to find you,
Afloat on another raft nearby.
 
Feeling more lost than ever,
I finally stopped doing this crazy thing,
And started instead to
Listen to the wind
Who has always known my name.
 
It said,
“Dive,
Dive deep within,
For the one you are looking for,
The Beloved,
Is awaiting.”
 
I told the Wind,
“I am no Mermaid,
To flag my tale under water.”
And the Wind softly replied,
“Trust and Have Faith,
Within you is always the Way.”
 
So I took a majestic dive
Perhaps the way Dolphins do?
Feeling my own breathing
Echoing back to me
The beauty of universes within.
 
I now use my raft as a diving board,
In whatever room I find myself in,
I remember Ocean Waves belong
To the One
Awakened in the middle of the night.
 
With Deep Gratitude,
Anne
 
Dov Baron, thank you for being the Wind speaking softly to me, I am grateful
 
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com
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HOW TO GET THROUGH “HE’S NOT THAT INTO YOU”

I look at him, a playful grin on my face. I am laying on the bed, watching him as he enters the bedroom. “Did you miss me?” he asks casually. As I pull him towards me, I whisper, “Let me show you…”
 
We have all been in this kind of situation…. where we have believed we were in ‘love’ and ‘all’ that mattered was ‘being’ together, right?
 
… Until the dreadful moment where we realize…
 

“What the hell did I get myself into?”

 
 
In the past, I have had my share of this kind of realizations. Feeling squeezed, I wondered,
 

 “What is wrong? Why isn’t he that into me?”

 
 
I thought… it all started ‘great’… We locked eyes across the room and felt a strong physical attraction towards one another.
 
Can you relate?
 
… And before we took the time to really know each other, there we were, showing how much we had missed each other by having sex.
 
 

Is sex automatically synonymous of intimacy?

 
 
I was so eager to have a relationship that I did not know how to be in a relationship.
 
Sounds familiar?
 
Before long, I started noticing his,“Hey, my battery’s about to die, gotta go, ok? Love ya though!”
 
This type of behaviour from him surfaced especially when I wanted to talk about our lack of spending time together…
 
 

Is spending time together automatically synonymous of intimacy?

 
To my increasingly ignored hurt feelings, he answered things like, “You’re harshing my mellow right now!” before storming out of the door, leaving me feeling even more unwanted, unloved, and undesired.
 
It is in moments like these that I have said,
 

“What the hell did I get myself into?”

 
 
 
It has taken me many years of mentoring (I was stubborn) to deeply realize that,
 
 

Like attracts like. 

 
Go back. Read it again.
 
 

A toxic relationship is based on two individuals having the 

SAME primary wound, but

DIFFERENT coping mechanisms.

 
Look at it as a magnet… The magnet is the toxic relationship wound and each end is one person’s coping mechanisms (+ or -). A + could be confrontational, a – could be withdrawal…
 
 

Now, what is your primary wound? 

 
My primary wound is the shame of existence. I grew up in a household where my father treated me like chattel, ‘do as I say or else!’ I had to blindly obey, no matter what I felt. I mainly felt unseen, unheard, unloved. This is why in the past I became attracted to men who treated me like chattel, who did not see me for who I truly am, who did not believe my needs, feelings, and emotions mattered.
 
Is it any surprise to you now that I attracted men who were not that into me?
 
What about you?
 
Let’s take it deeper…
 

What is the greatest form of intimacy?

 
 
I have come to deeply believe,
 

The greatest form of intimacy is, vulnerability by authenticity.

 
 
Go back. Read it again.
 
 
What does this mean, you may ask?
 

Intimacy is, 

 

Being vulnerable with our own self 

by discovering who we are at the core of our being.

 

It is the greatest form of self-love.

 
 
Think about it… If we start discovering who we truly are… where our past hurt comes from… and do somethings to heal our self… What do you believe happens to toxic relationships?
 
I strongly believe,
 

Toxic relationships then become a thing of the past.

 
 
For example, I often get propositioned by men who approach me with seemingly hungry eyes as they say, “I love how deeply connected you are to yourself, it’s sexy as fuck…” 
 
Their dry hunger I perceive, this kind of self-starving self-love, puts me off so much that I energetically close the door on them.
 
Why?
 

With self-discovery comes discernment! 

 
 
When we have discernment, we feel what works for us, we feel gradually into situations or possible relationships. There is no more denying, no more giving in to just blind physical attraction alone, we become clear!
 
 

How do we become intimate with our self?

 

  • Spend time alone. Ask yourself, ‘What do I need right now?’ and ‘What do I really want in my life?’ Act rightfully upon these answers. Build compassion for your self.

 

  • Build strong emotional boundaries. I know, it is easy to say and hard to do, especially for many of us who spend more time stating what they do not want rather than deeply feeling knowing what they do want.

 

But for people like you and me who are deeply committed to their healing,

 

  • Hire an emotional intelligence coach or mentor. We all have blind spots and unless conditioning is transcended, guess what? It will keep running the show under, “What the hell did I get myself into?”

 
Now, I am so deeply into-me-see (intimacy) that I am becoming a different kind of magnet, a magnet who attracts people like me, getting intimately connected with their own self.
 

Like attracts like, remember?

 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Authentic Speaker, and Bestselling Author. I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

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WHAT OUR PEEING HABITS REVEAL…

I am somewhere deep in the countryside. It is Sunday afternoon, sunny, and beside me is sitting my 16 year old listening to her music on her headphones.
 
I love driving on this back road, it is full of twists and turns, a road less travelled, or so it seems.
 
On each side of the road is a large dug trench as a ditch. Each lane is super narrow, nowhere to stop the car, really, unless I want every car coming behind me to stop as well.
 
Every once in a while, we meet an old fashioned mail box, with its flap either up or down, signalling perhaps someone’s driveway nearby?
 
But none of it matters because, right now, I need to pee. I really really really need to pee.
 
Yes, I did pee back at the restaurant and I need to go again.
 
As minutes pass by, the need to pee becomes stronger and stronger. I tell myself, “I’ll wait until the coast is clear…”
 
 

How many of you have ever withheld your pee 

until there was no one else around?

 
 
I sit on one butt cheek then the other. I move my body forward then backward. I am now doing some kind of square dancing while holding the steering wheel super tight.
 
 

How many of you have ever done the pee-pee dance?

 
 
My bladder is hurting to the point it reminds me of the days when I sat ‘still’ during one of my bosses’ presentations to the rest of the board. Arghhhhh!
 

How many of you deny your basic needs, 

afraid to bring attention to yourself?

 
Something clicks in me, ‘Am I doing this kind of shit again?’ I ask myself.
 
Immediately, we get to some kind of crossroad. I can see a small patch of dirt and rocks on the other side. I stop the car right there, pull up the handbrake, turn to my daughter and say, “I need to pee. Now!”
 
I open the glove compartment and take out toilet paper I keep tucked there for a ‘rainy’ day. She simply says, “okay” as if what I am now doing is the most natural thing in the world.
 
She does not point out the seemingly abandoned farm where we were.
 
She does not mention the open hay field on our right.
 
She does not even tease me about the very likely possibility incoming cars might catch me with my pants down.
 
She just said ‘okay’ and smiled.
 
As I walk over to a tree, I think about my daughter’s response, how lovely and understanding it is. I take a look around.
 
The weather is beautiful, sunny and cold, the air crisp, and right here and there, I feel free, freer than I have ever been, me, this grown up woman, peeing in an open farm field, butt naked under the winter sun.
 
I laugh as I pull up my pants. I walk back to the car.
 
As I start driving again, I look around, a fresh perspective in my eyes and heart. I am not driving in pain anymore, I am driving light, present, hearing laughter in my heart.
 
The contrast is so sharp for me that I decided to write this blog.
 
Let me ask you,
 

In your life, 

are you driving in pain or 

are you moving forward with joy?

 
 
If, like the old me, you are feeling more pain than joy, then perhaps you need to revisit how well you are addressing your basic needs.
 

Here are some tips on how to address our basic needs:

 

  • Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Listen quietly to the answer and take immediate action to give it to your self. If you need to go pee, stand up, and politely excuse yourself. We all have a bladder and it can only contain so much before it explodes….

 

  • Affirm, “I matter, my needs matter.” Feel this affirmation as many times a day as possible and use it, especially if you feel the negative pull of putting other people’s perceived needs and wants ahead of yours.

 

  • Accept your humanity. We are not robots, we are not machines. It is okay to stop working and sit down for a nourishing meal. It is okay to take a 15 minutes break from gardening or mowing the lawn. It is okay to go pee in an open farm field on sunny winter day.

 
 
I trust you have found value in this article. My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach. I am also an Expert Pee Ninja who assists her clients from having a too-full bladder piss all over their life. I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With compassion & deep respect,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

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WHERE DOES IGNORANCE COME FROM?

I am curious… I mean, where does an infant like Ignorance come from? It is a good question, isn’t it? Worth exploring, don’t you think?
 
For many of us, eating pie can be a comforting food while pondering life. So pull up a chair, grab a slice of pi, and let’s see together where Ignorance might come from.
 
“Where does Ignorance come from?” I casually ask its mother, Know-It-All.
 
From my own dealings in the past,
 

Know-It-All is like an egg, a fragile entity, who most often cracks and takes offence easily.

 
Know-It-All squints at me reproachfully. “Who asks stupid questions like this? Everyone knows where Ignorance comes from!”
 
Wrong approach, looks like.
 

With Know-It-Alls, I believe a compassionate approach is a most likely viable solution.

 
I smile at her kindly and rephrase my question. “I apologize for asking a question that is perhaps clear for you. Let me rephrase, What was going through your mind when you decided to have Ignorance?”
 
She puffs on her cigarette, her third addiction in a row that morning. “I just wanted my child to look like me, you know, to have my savoir-vivre (know how to live) and savoir-faire (know how to do). She flicks her hair backward through a haze of smoke.
 
I clear my throat. “May I ask, who is Ignorance’s father?”
 
“Ah! Don’t get me started about that bastard! I am so angry with him!”
 
My eyes grow bigger. Who can she be talking about?
 
“That Curiosity! He thought he was better than me! He kept asking me questions over and over, stupid shit like ‘I really want to know you.’ You tell me, who talks like this?”
 
I so want to answer, “Conscious people do!” but I choose to remind myself to stay clear of rebuttals with Know-It-Alls, simply because they own the pool of right answers apparently.
 
I go fishing in deeper waters, like many curious people do. “Is Curiosity Ignorance’s father?”
 
She looks at me like I have suddenly grown two heads. “Are you insane? No, he is not! At first, I wanted him to be, but I did what was the right thing to do, you know. I went to a non-revealing sperm bank! My baby deserves the best daddy in the world!”
 
This is getting more and more fascinating. Know-It-Alls massively seem to be full of plots and twists…
 
I ask, “Who is the ‘lucky’ daddy?”
 
She ignores the way I said ‘lucky’. I believe this is the main problem with Know-It-Alls, they tend to ignore potentially important communicated data to suit their own beliefs. 
 
“Well, the top sellers were Love and Compassion, but they had conditions! Can you believe it? They require the recipient to be in their heart to truly feel the reflection of them. I mean, who gives a shit? All I wanted was a baby just like me!”
 
I feel for her, this conversation is apparently upsetting her; she is now tossing on her chair, unfocused. I get it for I have found Know-It-Alls often lack skills with how to deal with information provided to them. 
 
“So, who is Ignorance’s father?” I ask again gently.
 
Know-It-All cracks and starts sobbing, “I don’t know, I just don’t know! They said it did not matter and I listened to them!”
 
“Who is ‘they’?”
 
Between hiccups, she answers, “The people… the parents who own the clinic where Ignorance comes from… and the previous clinic owners too, which I was told was their parents!”
 
I am trying really hard to make sense of what she is saying. “So you are telling me you do not know who Ignorance’s father is because you were told once upon a time it did not matter by the parents and those who came before them?”
 
“Exactly! This is why nothing is my fault! Me, I just wanted a baby like me!”
 
 
Based on this short story,
 
 

Where does Ignorance come from?

 

I believe,

 

  • Ignorance comes from anyone who takes offence easily. If a person gets easily insulted to begin with, how secure (knowledgeable of their self) are they truly?

 

  • Ignorance comes from anyone who believes they have all the right answers. If one fails to be continuously curious in life, how deep do you believe is their pool of knowledge about self and others?

 

  • Ignorance comes from anyone who lacks skills in processing communicated information. If one chooses to ignore or deny data in order to prove themselves right, it begs the question, what do they call ‘knowledge’?

 
 
At this point, I would like to share that most of my life, I used to behave like a Know-It-All and I have paid the price dearly for my own Ignorance. Because of my lack of self-examining in the past, I have passed hundreds of false beliefs to my three children. Now, to keep this potential close-mindedness at bay, I am diligently focusing on coming from a place of deep curiosity within me. The rest as they say, becomes history…
With love & compassion,
Anne
 
“It’s all about pie, honey!” is a blog series sponsored by Walking Inside Resources Inc. and dedicated to explore emotional concepts in a context of storytelling and humour.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Bestselling Author, and Authentic Speaker. You can reach me at anne@walkinginside.com
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

Categories
acceptance Accountability Authenticity Awareness Blind Spots Conscience Courage Curiosity Depression Emotional Boundaries Emotional Intelligence Empathy Equality Frustration Happiness Inner Peace Intent Intentions Intuition Leadership Love Mindfullness Parenting Self procrastination Reality Relationship Satisfaction Self-empowerment Self-Worth Sensitivity Silent Treatment Social Awareness Stress Tolerance WalkingInside

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY, WHAT IS IT ABOUT?

What if I were to tell you that taking responsibility has nothing to do with shaming or guilt tripping, what would you answer to that?
If you are like the old me, you might answer something like:
“That’s horse shit!”
“Of course taking responsibility comes with shame and guilt! How else do you expect anyone to become responsible if they do not feel wrath?”
 
But is it true? 
 
 
Just so we are on the same page here, I believe
 

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

means to

ACKNOWLEDGE the CHOICES we have MADE

and

ACCEPTING THE RESULTS we currently have.

 
 

The CHOICES we have made, being:

-> The words we spoke

-> The actions we took

-> The words we refused to speak

-> The actions we refused to take

 
 

The RESULTS we currently have, being:

-> what we currently perceive as good, bad, or ugly in our life

 
 
When my children were little, like any good parent I guess, I wanted to teach them about taking responsibility.
Case at point…
As my young son kept leaving his socks scattered all over the house, I yelled at him and gave him the cold shoulder. One day, I lost my shit and put all his clean and dirty socks into one big bag that I hid inside my bedroom closet. With zero socks to wear the next day, that ought to teach him, right?
 
 

How many of you have ever used yelling, 

given the cold shoulder, or

taken away a privilege 

as a way to teach someone how to take responsibility?

 
 
Now let’s assume for a moment
we all agree on the definition of taking responsibility:
 

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY 

means to

ACKNOWLEDGE the CHOICES we have MADE

and

ACCEPTING THE RESULTS we currently have.

 
 
Let’s look at the sock tragedy.
 

  • Did my son acknowledge the ‘bad’ choice he had made, aka leave his socks scattered all over? No, he did not. Why not?

 
 

To ACKNOWLEDGE a perceived ‘bad’ behaviour, 

one has first to be aware INSIDE THEMSELVES 

that something might need to change. 

 
If this is true, then either my son was unaware of his sock behaviour (clearly not the case based on my yelling alone) or his sock behaviour suited him just fine. Therefore, in his view, there might have been nothing needing change inside of him, hence the lack of acknowledgement?…
 
 
 

  • Did my son accept the results he currently had, aka, have all his socks hidden in my closet? No, he did not have to. Why not?

 
 

To ACCEPT a RESULT, 

one has to first acknowledge

they have played a role in said result.

 
 
Let me remind you here…
Who yelled? Me.
Who gave the cold shoulder? Me.
Who hid the socks? Me. 
Soooo, if I did not teach my son how to take responsibility, what is it exactly I have taught him?
 

  • Tuning out. From me, he has learned how to disconnect, ignore, dismiss. Sounds harsh? How many of you tune out when someone is yelling at you?

  • Becoming invisible. From me, he has learned to soothe and please in order to appease irregardless of his feelings and emotions. Sounds terrible? How many of you walk on eggs when given the cold shoulder?

  • Dismiss own needs. From me, he has learned to forego his own needs, tell himself he does not care for much (I took all his socks!!!). Sounds horrifying? How many of you have ever felt less than after you lost a privilege?

 
In light of what I have just shared with you, how can anyone take responsibility when they are tuning out, becoming invisible, and dismissing their own needs? 
Where is the integrity? 
The love of self? 
The self-worth? 
I believe the integrity, self-love, and self-worth are being stripped away with yelling, cold shoulder, and privileges removal.
 
I have personally found out that,
 

To take responsibility, one needs integrity.

 

To take responsibility, one needs self-love.

 

To take responsibility, one needs self-worth.

 
So, how do we take responsibility? 
 
We take responsibility by becoming self-aware of who we are and what we need while at the same time aligning our self to what we say, think and do. Only then can we develop the integrity to acknowledge and accept all the choices we have made.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who assists her clients in taking full responsibility for the choices they have made in their life. You can reach me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
With love & compassion,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com

Categories
acceptance Accountability Anger Awareness Blind Spots Compassion Curiosity Emotional Intelligence Frustration Happiness Inner Peace Joy Leadership Love Mindfullness Parenting Self Reality Relationship Self-empowerment Social Awareness Tolerance

WHY TOLERANCE IS LIKE A COLICKY BABY…

“A girlfriend of Acceptance set her up with Rejection, a well-known ‘bad boy’ in the hood. Their attraction was apparently so strong that they madly, blindly fell for each other and a taciturn child was produced from this extreme union. Prone to colics since birth, this baby was named Tolerance.” 
 
For many of us, eating pie can be comforting while trying to figure out life. So pull up a chair, grab a slice of pi, and let’s see together what is the deal with Acceptance, Rejection, Tolerance.
 

What is Acceptance?

 
It has been claimed that,
 

Acceptance is the action or process of being received 

as adequate or suitable. 

 
When we accept something, we are like this adult with both knees on the ground who sees a small child running to them with open arms. 
 
Our eyes are mainly focused on the heart, we see the child’s heart, we openly welcome it. 
 
We are not thinking whether it is good or bad. We choose to see it for what it truly is, a laughing heart running towards us with open arms.
 
 

What is Rejection?

 
It is often said,
 

Rejection is the action or process of being dismissed 

as inadequate or unsuitable. 

 
When we reject something, we are like this adult who turns their back on a small child running to them with open arms. 
 
Our eyes are mainly focused on the exterior, we see with the mind, we judge, discrimate, dismiss.
 
We are most likely unconcerned with the child’s heart. We might choose to see it for what it is NOT, something unlovable and unwanted.
 
 
Based on these two definitions, can you see how Acceptance and Rejection are two extremes of the same pole?
 
And how
 

All things that have extreme opposites usually contain a mad, 

blind attraction to each other. 

 
When Acceptance and Rejection shack up together, they usually produce what I call a taciturn relationship. A taciturn relationship means reserved or uncommunicative, saying little.
 
 
 

What do you believe happens in a relationship 

when what needs to be said consistently remains unsaid? 

When we choose to keep turning a blind eye to what is?

 

We give birth to Tolerance!

 
 
 

What is Tolerance?

 
For many,
 

Tolerance is the ability or willingness to endure something

 we might not necessarily agree with. 

 
 

Is Tolerance healthy?

 
I don’t know about you, but I have lived and witnessed a colicky baby such as Tolerance…
 

On the surface, Tolerance looks peaceful, as if accepting what is…

 

until the moment when the internal pain becomes too much…

 

and Tolerance explodes in screaming rejection…

 
 
Soooo,
 
Next time you feel like Tolerance is the consistent way to go in your relationships, you might want to consider what it is exactly you are accepting to keep quiet in the fear of feeling the pain of rejection.
 
With Love & Compassion,
Anne
 
“It’s all about pie, honey!” is a blog series provided by Walking Inside Resources Inc. and dedicated to explore various emotional concepts in a context of storytelling and possibly humour.
 
My name is Anne Beaulieu and I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Bestselling Author, and Authentic Speaker. To book a complimentary 20 minutes coaching session, you can reach me at anne@walkinginside.com
 
www.walkinginside.com
www.fullmontyleadership.com